(Closed) Friend whose wedding was cancelled. What's the right thing to do here?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Hmm…this is a really hard one…I would probably say let her know how things are going but just don’t go into detail about it…like answer with a “great” or “stressful”, then nonchalantly change the subject…just so she feels like you’re not ignoring her but she won’t feel saddened or upset by it…

Hope this helps 🙂

Post # 4
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

The bee just ate my last response so hopefully I don’t end up replying twice, BUT…. I agree with PP, just speak in general terms and just kind of monitor her response.  If she stares at you blankly, shift gears.  If she asks questions, answer.  She probably just wants you to act like you always did with her, and not be so careful.

Keep in mind that when a friend asks me “How’s the wedding coming along?” I usually respond with “Great, thanks, so excited.”  But when a fellow bride asks, she wants explicit details: who, what, when, and how much.  So take that into consideration, that the level of detail in your conversations may shift.

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

hmm I think she probably wants you to feel normal. Tell her a few details but don’t go on about it, and I think continue to talk to her about whatever she wants also. She seems like she trying to be strong.

Post # 6
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I had a friend who got married several months before me, and after 2 months of marriage, her husband left her.  I felt so bad.  And everytime I saw her, she’d ask me about wedding plans and then joke that I should just wear her dress, stuff like that.  It was more uncomfortable for me than I think it was for her.  So whenever I’d see her and she’d ask how things were going, i’d politely answer but I never really elaborated too much.  I wouldn’t flat out change the topic or anything, but I kind of know what you mean about being uncomfortable. 

Post # 7
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It sounds to me like she’s trying to be polite and continue to support you. I’d do as TwoCityBride suggested.

Post # 8
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

This happened to me.  My ex fiance walked out on me 2 hours before our wedding ceremony in Cyprus.  I worked with a girl who was engaged at the same time as me and we used to email about weddings and stuff.

After my wedding was called off I still asked her how things were going with hers.  It wasn’t about me torturing myself, it was about me moving on and being genuinely happy for someone else.  Also depsite everything that my ex did to me I was relieved deep down that he walked away.  We had a lot of problems in our relationship, including minor domestic violence.  I was under so much pressure because of the money my family had contributed and I didn’t want to let anyone down.  What I mean by this is that you don’t know what’s happened behind closed doors in her relationship.

I didn’t want to be treated any differently and be “that girl” everyone spoke about.  I just wnted people to treat me normally and let me deal with it in my own time.  If she wasn’t comfortable asking the question then she wouldn’t have.

Just my opinion, the humiliation and the hurt is bad enough without people tip toeing around the issue on egg shells…

Post # 11
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@Moomin:  Thanks that makes a change :p I’m over it now and I’m with an incredible man who makes me very happy.  The same thing will happen for your friend 🙂

Post # 13
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe she’s just living vicariously through you.

Post # 14
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@ashescats:  thats really insensitive.  Shocking thing to say.

Post # 15
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sure she knows you must feel awkward as well. If a one word response deters her from the conversation, then carry on I guess. But if she follows up with more wedding questions, indulge her. Maybe her talking to you about your wedding plans is distracting her.

Post # 16
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Rurahrah is right about the level of response people can tolerate based on whether they’re a bride or not. Most of the advice here is great, don’t diss her by not answering her questions, but stay sensitive to the fact that she may become saddened, bored, etc by what you’re talking about. Keep it general, with little detail. Your friend must still want to maintain the happy, “normal” dynamic between the two of you.

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