- 4 years ago
Going anon for this.
Earlier this year I became friends with the wife of my BIL’s best friend. My BIL and his friend have been friends for 20 years now, him and my FI know each other for that long as well.
Now his wfe, lets call her B, been in their lives for 8 years now. I have been living with my FI and accepted as part of the family for 4 years. So she has been around longer. Absolutely has a better relationship with my BIL than me.
So here is what happened. Me and B started to hang out when she moved about 2 miles from my house, she has a daughter that is 1 year younger than mine and so we would come over for play dates and also to work out together. She dropped a LOT of weight and offered to help me do the same. It was super fun, not only for our daughters but for us as well. We would see each other 4-5 times a week. We would work out then hang out and talk. One thing we had in common was my BIL and he had a lot going on (being 30 and trying to date for the first time) so we would discuss his personality and his chances of fnding someone that would be able to deal with him, also talking about how to help him. It was never malicous by any means, we were just talking. Sometimes she would bring up things that bothered her about her husbands friendship with my BIL and I would try to make her feel better about the situation. Overall everything was great. I was so happy to have a friend I loved that lived so close to me. I even went and bought a big swimming pool to put in her yard – the deal was I buy the pool, she provides the yard and both our kids will have fun summer. I couldnt get a pool for my yard because of mosquito and no sun problem. So this worked great. Anyway, fast forward to fathers day weekend.
Saturday we went to my FI’s moms house to drop off kids for babysitting and she told me that I should probably not hang out with B so much anymore because she kept telling my BIL everything I tell her. I was confused by it and asked what she meant. She said that BIL came to her the day before and asked her if I ever called her complaining about him wanting to take my FI to a strip club for his bachelor party. And if I ever called her complaining about BIL never coming to our house to visit. And that B told him I did that.
As far as the complain about him never coming over, I did say that to B but it wasn’t a complain but a fact. She was all mad because for the past 8 years BIL came to her house eery saturday for dinner and never ever brought any food. Of course she couldnt tell her husband so she told me, to make her feel better I said dont feel bad, he never comes to our house and FI is his brother. It’s just what it is. So B felt ( iguess) that she had to make this right and save BIL and FI’s relationship? Anyway so she kept bugging him about it, would say things like: I just don’t like it when S.(me) talks bad about you and you really dont want to screw up your relationship with FI. So of course, BIL was getting sick and tired of it. So went to talk to his mom about it.
Then Saturday evening, after FI’s mom told me not to talk to B abot family stuff we went to B’s house. I mentioned it to her and she said yeah I did say that but I meant well, I am sorry. So I left it at that.
Then BIL talked to FI and brought it up again, same night. And my Fi told me and said, that apparently it has been going on for awhile and that she’s told BIL every negative thing I ever said and that BIL is tired of it and wants me to stop talking about him.
At that point I was very angry, because I never said anything bad about him and I couldn’t believe B would do that.
So the next day was SUnday, fathers day and we all went to FI’s mom, including B with her family. When we got there FI’s mom talked to me about it some more and both her and FI were trying to convince me that B was not a good friend to me. So at that point I was just really really mad and couldn’t believe this was happening. So I went outside and there was B, her husband and BIL sitting by the campfire. I went there, sat with them and said: So what is this about me talking badly about you ( asking BIl) and he said: “I don’t know, you tell me.” I planed on being very calm and matter of factly about it but this sentence he said put me in deffensive mode immediatly. So I said I don’t know what the problem is, I never said anything she wouldn’t say (pointing at B). She of course got deffensive as well, and said oh come on! And I said: ” I did say you never come over,which is a fact, but it doesnt bother me or FI, only said it to make B feel better when she was saying you come over every saturday.” At that point she said, this is bullshit, we are leaving, got up and walked away, got her kids and husband and they left. Wouldn’t talk to me, just left.
I started to cry, I was so upset over the whole thing, all I wanted to do was talk about it and figure out wth is going on. Of course I overreacted, as always and made things worse.
After I calmed down I actually had long conversation with BIL and as I was mad at her for starting all of this drama by running her nouth to BIL I pretty much spilled everything she ever said (thinking she did the same), which in reality is really bad and I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. But I did what I did. I also told him about B talking crap about this new girl he started to see, first one ever might I add. She said that she is big and snobby, that she doesnt believe this girl is a teacher and that she looks high maintenance ( when I met that gril, hse was gorgeous sweet girl that was just amazng and couldnt believe B said those things abouther, because I didnt see that). Anyway I told him that, my FI confirmed as he was there when B said it. Basically we just told him tobe careful about bringing potential gf’s around B as she seemed to have some sort of weitd thing going on.
Anyways, after about 2 hours of talking I realized, that B never meant any harm in saying what she did, but BIL is paranoid and thought there was a serious problem. If he came to talk to me first he would realize that. But he talked to mom and FI first, and when they told me stuff got taken out of context (big time) and this whole drama happened.
So about 4 hours after B left I sent her about 5 txt msgs, saying I was sorry, I overreacted, begging her to let me make it up to her, asking her if I can come over so we can talk it out, etc. I got no reply from her so I just sent her last txt that said to please let me know if she ever wants to talk.
She hasn’t talked to me since. I was upset at first, then mad, then sad again. Now I am just indifferent. But I’d like to know, if this is completely my fault or not? And is she being unreasonable for completely cutting me out of her life or was that justified?
Other issue is the swimming pool that I bought and is still at her house. I was told by BIL that she told him that she didnt want the pool there and I did this on my own and basically I wont be getting the pool back. My daughter used that pool maybe 5 times total. It cost me $300. We are not rich, we basically live paycheck to paycheck and I cannot afford to buy a new pool, especiallt with the wedding coming up soon. There are other items left at her house, such as wheelbarrow, my daughters bathign suit, garden hose etc. My FI called B’s husband many times, leaving msgs to call him back and he was ignored as well. B also said that I made up everything, causing BIL believe I am a liar and just a crazy person, which made my future FIL believe that as well. My FI got so mad at his brother that he wanted to kick him out of the wedding ( talked him out of it luckily)
It is just a lot of mess. Me and BIL talked some more and all is good between me and him. All is good between him and B as well.
I am still sad she won’t talk to me and I get it.
Another question, should I still send her wedding invitation?
sorry for wall of text, I wanted to include as much details as possible so you can understand. Also, I take back about being indifferent, I am obviously still upset about it :/