Friend/BM drama – am I right to be upset? Long…

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

She sounds like a lot of headwork, and I would definitely start to distance myself if I was you. I wouldn’t make a fuss or say anything, but I based on what you’ve said, I wouldn’t be rushing to socialise with her a lot. She sounds very self-centred and I’m not 100% that she has your interests at heart.

Post # 4
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m just curious about the amount of time between the broken engagement and the current wedding. It sounds like this all happened in a short amount of time.

Post # 5
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You have a right to feel hurt by all this. While you can’t tell your friends who to be friends with, this is a grey area where it was really up to her to make the right decision and she didn’t. 

How did their date go? Did you have an inkling that she fancied your ex-fiance?

And why asking out for a date on Facebook? Ugh! I think he did that for you to see. Did you break it off with him or was it mutual?

Even if you know its ok to feel hurt, do you think you can continue being her friend?

Post # 6
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think you have the right to be upset about the dress. She was being polite by not letting you pay her back before, her accepting later when she found she couldn’t sell it like she thought isn’t unreasonable. Depending on her financial situation/the cost of the dress, I don’t think she’s wrong to let you pay her back when you offer a second time. She was dropping pretty heavy hints that she wanted reimbursing, so if you weren’t keen to do so you should have ignored the hints. That’s on you, imo.

 

The rest of it is weird. It’s fair enough to be hurt by her championing your ex if he was treating you badly and she knew. Was he legitimately treating you badly, or were they things that other people might not consider a big deal? Obviously they were a big deal to you, but I guess if someone else thought they were minor things then they might encourage you to rethink rather than throw away (what seems to them to be) a happy, long-term relationship. Again, you can still be upset with her for acting that way, but it might make her actions more explainable.

 

In short, the dress is not something you can really be upset over imo but depending on the exact circumstances then you’re not overreacting to be hurt by her actions with your ex.

Post # 7
Member
757 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@futurefishy:  I think, if anytihng, I would be annoyed with the situation.  Not really upset.  Have you tried reaching out to her to tell her that you were doing things differently this time? I would let the issue with her talking to your ex and the dress go.  Sometimes people don’t know how to move on from soemthing so huge.  She just sounds like she doesnt understand what you’ve been through and what you’re going through now.  Her nightmare sounds like it’s coming from a place of insecurity as opposed to a place of catty-ness.

Post # 13
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futurefishy:  I read your post no. 9. I can’t believe your friend justifies your ex’s behaviour. Did she really badly want to use that BM dress! 

In your first post:

“I just don’t know if I’m justified to be upset, or overreacting. Any thoughts?”

Even if we thought you were overacting (which so far none of the PPs do), I would say that deep down inside you have made up your mind about her and that while it is hard to let a friend go, the coffin on this friendship lets just say has several nails on it already.

What do you want to accomplish by distancing yourself? Do you want to keep her as a friend but just not as close anymore?

Post # 16
Member
226 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@futurefishy:  I was thinking of starting a thread on it just so I could vent once and for all. But even then, I’m too angry to type about it ha!

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