Post # 1
I have read tons of threads on the bee about why it is a bad idea to use “friendors” (a friend or family member for your photographer, caterer, etc). However, I know that many people use a friend or family member as their officiant. That made me wonder… why is the role of officiant an exception to the friendor rule? Is it because the role is less important? Less difficult?
Post # 3
I think it’s because most times you’d like to have a professional relationship with your vendor so you can offer feedback without feeling like you’re hurting your friends feelings. With an officiant you want a personal relationship.
Post # 4
I would never do it. I think a lot of people think this job is less important, and have a friend or family member become ordained. I chose a non-religious officiant, and I did not want a friend. I wanted a professional, with a great speaking voice, with a lot of knowledge, experience, and their own sound equipment. We met with her a few times and she wrote a personal ceremony for us from scratch. A friend of mine had her brother marry her, and nobody could hear a damn thing.
Post # 5
I would say the opposite. It’s more important, not less important, so you want someone that can really personalize the ceremony. And for people that choose friends to officiate, it’s usually a close friend who they know isn’t going to bail on them the day of the wedding (and who wouldn’t mind speaking in front of a bunch of people). Also, besides standing up there and talking, there’s no finished product at the end, which is different than using a friend for a photographer. (Talk about awkward if you hate the photos.) Also, I don’t think that people who use friend officiants usually pay them in any way other than a gift, and the money situation with other friendors can cause problems usually because of the lack of written contracts and things. Lastly, people don’t want their friends working during their reception because you want them to enjoy it. Officiants can still enjoy the reception because their job is over.
Post # 6
We happen to have a friend (who is the reason we met actually) who is a JOP. When she found out we were engaged she asked if she could marry us (we’re still paying for her services though-but she’s giving us the “family” discount). For us, its nice to have someone who knew us before we met, knew us when we first met and has been one of the biggest cheering sections for us getting together.
Post # 7
@LGenz: bingo. The only “professional” responsibilities the officiant has is to show up on time, prepare a speech, and try not to get drunk til afterwards. Totally different from a florist or photographer or something of that ilk. So the personal relationship can really make the ceremony special!
Post # 8
We are having a friend officiate becuase he is ordained, knows us so well, and is working closely to create a beautiful and personally meaningful wedding. He’s our MOST important ‘vendor’ not the least, and for this reason, we HAD to go with someone we know and trust!
Post # 9
I agree that it is the most important ‘vendor’ which is why we asked my brother-in-law to do it. He has been a pastor for years and is experienced so I know he’ll do a great job. Plus, I think it is more personal and would mean more to have him do it rather than a stranger.
I was the flower girl and his and my sister’s wedding, so why not have him in mine 🙂
Post # 10
- Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island
I’d say it’s because the officiant has a largely sentimental role. As long as he’s licensed to perform marriage ceremonies, there’s really nothing to argue about. He charges a fee, shows up, does the ceremony, and stays for the reception. The end.
Other vendors provide much more complicated services and charge a lot more. Their creativity and professionalism are on a different scale. You run into a lot more problems when the vendor is a friend because they may not give you the respect and attention that a non-friend would. It’s mixing business and pleasure.