(Closed) Friend/Possible BM Drama!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1566 posts
Bumble bee

This is tough. I think you should hold off on asking either of them until the last possible moment. Hopefully the situation will resolve itself or at least die down enough for them to be civil with each other. If not, and you want to preserve both friendships, you can have a very small wedding party and ask neither of them. If you only ask your sis and your best friend, they shouldn’t be too upset about it.

Beyond the bridesmaid-choosing dilemma, I imagine it must be very hard on an everyday basis to be close friends with two girls who hate each other. If it was me personally, I would try to understand the situation and help them reconcile – who better suited than a close friend of them both? (I know not everyone is like this and some people prefer to stay out of it, but just my personal opinion).

Post # 4
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

I would sit both of them down and tell them what’s up. Tell them the truth about you wanting them both in the wedding… but have concerns that they cannot get along. Ask them to be BMs, but tell them that you don’t want any bickering between the two during your wedding or any wedding related events. If they cannot agree to this, then they can’t be in the wedding. If they agree, and then begin fighting during wedding related events… tell them to step down. They knew beforehand what your expectations were and it’s not fair for them to not respect your wishes. If you put it all out on the table beforehand, there will be no hard feelings, and no “gray” areas on what is expected OR what will happen if they do begin fighting around you.

Post # 6
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Firstly, a lot can happen in a year, so if you haven’t asked either of them yet then do hold off for a bit more. When you ask, be up front and let them know that you are asking the other girl too. If you asked them already, its ok. Just make sure they know the other one will be there. I got so stressed out with wedding stuff that I just told people there were certain topics they were NOT allowed to talk about. If one wants to complain to you about the other one, you can make that subject OFF LIMITS.

Also, it is not a problem to NOT have a wedding party at all, or to just ask one person, etc. I picked the girls I had known the longest even though there were many other girls I would have (REALLY) liked to ask as well. This is because I couldn’t see any other way to do it without offending someone…

My friend’s boyfriend was just in a wedding party with his ex wife (and she had to meet her, omg) and everything was 100% fine. My husband is in a wedding party with an ex-best friend who cut us out of his life VERY unpleasantly a few years ago and while it pisses me off that I have to see this guy at the wedding at all, my husband is 100% sure that everything is going to be fine as well.

The reason we feel this way is that we just got married last month and everyone really is there for YOU. They don’t have to be best friends with each other to be there and be happy for you and help you get ready. My bridesmaids were all off doing their own thing 80% of the time (not even together with each other) anyway. It wasn’t exactly what I pictured from the movies, or from wedding photos I have seen, but EVERYONE says they had “tons of fun”. We are glad we went the chill route rather than forcing people to do a bunch of things with people they didn’t want to hang out with.

Also, I did have a bachelorette party and we did have a rehearsal dinner, but they were so big that no one had to interact with anyone if they didn’t want to…


Post # 7
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m so sorry you are going through this! Bottom line is, you deserve a happy and drama free wedding day. Not only do you have the actual wedding day, but you have the shower, bach party, rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, etc, etc. If these two girls can not behave in a mature and civilized matter for YOUR sake, then it may be best to just have them both attend the wedding as guests. That is, if you think they could even be in the same room together for one night.

I think your idea of sitting them both down and telling them what’s up is a great idea. Tell them how much their actions are hurting you. Tell them that you will no longer tolerate anyone bashing the other person to you, and you will walk away if need be.

Anyway, no matter what you do or what happens I wish you luck!! 🙂

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