Friend's baby shower is out of control… I need help.

posted 2 years ago in Babies
  • poll:
  • Post # 2
    Member
    6032 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    It’s over the top, for sure, but if her baby’s father is paying, then it’s really none of your business. Of you don’t agree with it, then decline the invite.

    Post # 4
    Member
    6032 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Then decline to host and let her know that you’d love to, but you simply cannot afford the time nor the money to put on such an elaborate event.

    Post # 5
    Member
    2657 posts
    Sugar bee

    Her shower does sound excessive.  If you want to continue hosting and are contributing money towards the shower, you have a say in what it is spent on.  I would frame it simply and say “I am going to contribute X dollars towards the favors, and I’m open to any ideas within that amount”.  Set the limit for her up front and hopefully she will get the hint to tone things down.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5421 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2014

    Sunnyinct:  I’d be backing out ASAP. Cost and time aside, I would really not want to be associated with this event, because unless her guests are like her, I can predict a lot of eye-rolling and WTFs. I’m not a fan of baby showers full-stop, particularly when it isn’t for a first child, so for me something like this is just… Urgh. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    1. This is not a particularly normal thing in my culture, can someone explain baby showers to me?

    2. WTF with a sofa?

    3. Sunnyinct:  This sounds bigger than my wedding, why is it so big and why are you footing the bill? If this is a Godmother’s obligation, why aren’t the other two pitching in and why doesn’t the person paying have any say? Run away. RUN AWAY!

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  Taiki.
    Post # 8
    Member
    2419 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    If there are three godmothers why are you being asked to meet all the costs?

    Quite honestly, I’d set a price that you can afford and if she wants a three-ring circus then someone else is going to have to put up the difference in cost. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    715 posts
    Busy bee

    Sunnyinct: Wow that sounds excessivly gift grabby. 100 guests at a baby shower?! 3 godmothers?! really?!

    Yeah, let her know that you’re not footing the bill for that… if she wants you to host, then you get to decide how much you spend and what for. And if she can’t let go of her “vision” – then she needs some one else to pay for that. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    3677 posts
    Sugar bee

    If you are paying, you are hosting, then it’s your party and not hers (even if it’s in her honor): you get to make the decisions about the budget and the details, etc. The sooner you tell her, “Hey, (Name), this is what I am spending on the party, and here is my proposed breakdown. We’re going to have to revisit some of the ideas on your wish list. As you can see, we could do either X or Y (and Z …), but not both/all three/all twelve … What would you like to prioritize?” the better.

    If she loses her sh– and accuses you of not caring about her baby, says something about how she’s not sure you deserve to be the godmother, etc., then you calmly respond with “It’s too bad you feel that way. I feel taken-advantage-of; I’m not the only godmother, and it seems like that role is more about spending money on the party than about being an important presence in the baby’s life.”

    Post # 11
    Member
    668 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2014

    If you are one of three godmothers, you shouldn’t be expected to bear the burden of cost and planning alone.

    Did she lose all of her wordly posessions in a fire, tornado, earthquake, flood or etc? Because if this is her fourth freakin’ kid she does not need a baby shower otherwise. As a friend, family member, or guest, I would view this as self-centered and gift-grabby and would not choose to participate.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    run away.that just crazy and no one got time for crazy gift grabby friends/relatives

    Post # 13
    Member
    1201 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: A very pretty church.

    I should clarify, I did have 3 Godmothers, it does happen. But my mum did that because the world is uncertain. One is dead, one dumped her husband (my father’s cousin) and ran away, and the last one lets me stay with her in London. So that worked out well, but it didn’t involove a lot of presents.

    Post # 14
    Member
    5228 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Sunnyinct:  I see nothing wrong with telling her that her expectations are OTT. If she was paying for this herself then fine, but planning your own shower on someone else’s dime is just entitled behavior. You should definately tell her to scale it back or pay for it herself. Really, she needs to wake up.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2913 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

    Oh hell no!! I would tell the others a set amount of money that you are able to put toward things, and the other 2 godmothers, or whoever else, can front the rest. I have never heard of a baby shower like that, especially not for a 4th child. 

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 5 months ago by  whoa_its_ash.
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