Post # 1
My fiance and I are good friends with a couple that is getting married soon, and Fiance is in the wedding. Naturally, the bride and I have become closer over the last few years and really enjoy hanging out.
So now it’s time for the bachelorette party, and the bride’s Maid/Matron of Honor is totally going into overkill mode. She’s planned a 24 hour event chock full of plans (lunch, making candles, wine tasting, dinner at a higher end restaurant) with a limo taking everyone around. After that, we’re expected to spend the night at the brides house and play games. We’re supposed to bring a pair of our own underwear (GROSS. I’m bringing new, if any) for the bride to guess who belongs to what, plus things to decorate a pair for the bride. Plus come up with ideas for more games. Plus bring lingerie for the bride as a gift as well. Overall this is about a $200 and 24 hour deal for each person. Some of which aren’t even invited to the wedding.
This is too much. I’ve already bought her a gorgeous shower gift and we’re giving them a large sum for the wedding. A few of my friends who are also invited have been shocked and are asking me for feedback. I’m not close enough to the Maid/Matron of Honor to tell her how others (and myself) are feeling, and I also don’t want to mention it to the bride. No way. I’m thinking about just ignoring the strings of emails from the Maid/Matron of Honor asking for more and more. Lord help me. I feel bad for those who aren’t close to the bride.
What would you do? Anything? Am I over reacting? Do you like guacamole?
Post # 3
I LOVE guacamole……
I dont think you necessarily have to be close to Maid/Matron of Honor to voice your concerns. It’s a nice guesture for her to plan this whole extravagant day out, but if you and other people are concerned about the rising cost, I think it’d be better to bring it up, than to just end up not going cause it cost too much. Do you know if a large percentage of the group is having a hard time with the cost? Maybe there is a way to scale it down, I mean the limo is a nice touch, but totally not necessary… hell, I didnt even bother with one for my wedding day. Maybe she can skip half the day and start with wine tasting, that and dinner and a nearby lounge/bar afterwards sounds just as nice.
Post # 4
Someone needs to speak up to the Maid/Matron of Honor, otherwise she is humming along making plans and thinks you are all ok with them.
What is so hard about telling her that you cannot budget the amount that her plans would require?
I would also suggest you come up with a suggestion as to how her plans could be modified to something affordable.
Tell the other guests who have expressed concern to also communicate with the Maid/Matron of Honor so she knows this is not just your issue.
If she refuses to change her plans, let her know that you can only join in for part of the day, and then pick the part.
Post # 5
Could you just reduce the gift you are planning to give for their wedding?
Post # 6
I would just say what’s on your mind. Get it off your chest and see how it does from there. There may be ways to cut costs too. Share something with one of the other girls you are close to, buy really cheap granny-panties as a joke maybe?! If you don’t want to do the 24 hour thing, then cut out early. I think the effort is greatly appreciated! It would be with me. That being said, the Fiance and I are having a joint party over an entire weekend for all of our friends which requires hotel rooms, dinners etc. The party is in 7 months and we have already been organizing so that no one is surprised by cost AND we totally TOTALLY understand if someone can’t make it because of money. It doesn’t offend us at all. And really, it wouldn’t offend me even if it were a night on the town. I get it, but you probably know her personality to decide how she will take it if you were to talk to her.
Guac-just started liking it recently. I prefer the hand made table side guac! Extra onion!
Post # 7
I would say something nicely to the Maid/Matron of Honor that voices the concerns of you and others. You don’t even have to say you per say but can let her know peoples concerns abot money and maybe she can take some of these events out. everyone can still get together, go out to dinner and play games, but maybe take out some other festivities to cut costs.
Post # 8
@MrsTVLover: I don’t want to punish them as a couple because of the party I attended that was hosted by someone else. Know what I mean?
Ugh this is tough. I’m so confused how people are such bad party planners sometimes.
Post # 9
I would definitely say something to her. If she won’t budge, then tell her you can only attend part of the festivities, and can only pay $xx amount. She might not realize that its over the top until someone tells her
Post # 10
That is tough…only because you do not know the Maid/Matron of Honor all that well. However, I think she is kinda going about this all the wrong way, IMO. Which is why something *should* be said to her.
Is she the only bridal party member?? Or, are there more ladies involved?? As ‘just a guest’ to a bachelorette party, I would be taken ‘aback’ if I had to chip in for the entire party. As someone who has thrown many bachelorette parties, as a Maid/Matron of Honor or a bridesmaid, I never asked the guests to pay for any more than the transportation, and/or a gift (if they choose to bring one)!! I think the bridal party *should* supply drinks, food, game supplies, etc (in whatever budget they set for the affair). From there, once you are ‘out’ (if the group goes out), it is up to each guest to determine how much they want to spend on the bride – as far as drinks go. So, no, I do not think you are overreacting to spending $200 for a party you are attending as a guest!!
As far as how to approach the subject, I got nothing…sorry 🙁 Maybe you do not, and just attend the parts of the day you want, which may cheapen the cost for you personally.
Post # 11
My suggestion is that you cut out the activities in the early part of the day (or vice versa, depending on costs) and join in for the dinner and the games at the house. It might make it a bit more affordable for you.
If the Maid/Matron of Honor questions you on it, be honest with her that you can’t afford to participate in the whole day. Given that you’re not in the wedding party, it’s not reasonable for her to expect that you all fork over all of that money for someone else’s bach party.
Or, if you don’t feel comfortable telling her that you can’t afford it, just make up some excuse that you’re busy during the day but can join in on the fun later on when things will likely be getting interesting!
Post # 12
In that situation in the past, I have informed the Maid/Matron of Honor of what I could afford, and just attended part of the events (“really can’t do downtown, but dinner sounds fun!”). If others share your feelings, then maybe a few people talking to her about ways to make it cheaper would be a better option.
Post # 13
If you don’t tell her, she won’t know. Speak up.
Right now, she either hasn’t noticed the cost or has and figures that because no one is saying anything that everyone is all right with it. Especially if she’s never planned anything like this before. Here’s another perspective: your friend the bride would feel pretty sucky if no one showed up to her bachelorette because they couldn’t afford it.
Post # 14
I do like guacamole!! I would let the Maid/Matron of Honor know how you are feeling. Its awesome that she is planning such an awesome day, but not if it breaks the bank. Could you go to one part like the dinner and not the other parts of the day?
Post # 15
I don’t understand why you can’t speak up? I would just say sorry, that’s too expesive Jess, Michelle, Joan, Barrie, and Jen and I can only make the fill-in-the-blank as the rest is just too expesive for us.
Post # 16
I don’t understand. You attended her shower and gave her a gift and now you’re supposed to give her another gift at her bachelorette? That’s ridiculous.
Honestly, I think the Maid/Matron of Honor is probably just overenthusiastic and wants to do an awesome job for her friend. Please don’t ignore her. That’ll just stress her out and she’ll probably complain to the bride and then the bride will feel like no one cares about celebrating with her. I think you either need to write a group email to the Maid/Matron of Honor or get the person closest to her to talk to her. Emphasize that it all sounds really fun and, as a friend of the bride, you’re really touched that she’s planning such a special event…but none of you can afford it. See if she can scale back the plans.
Here are a few ideas (just throwing them out there):
– Lunch could just be for the Maid/Matron of Honor and the bride (nice bonding time for them; saves everyone else some time and money)
– Minimize the amount of limo time.
– Go to a more casual restaurant for dinner (good food and delicious drinks don’t need to be pricey. Is there a Mexican place or something you could suggest?)
– Have everyone chip in $5 or $10 and give a group gift (a negligee/robe set or a gift card) rather than making everyone bring their own gift.