Friend's boyfriend hates my FI

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, that’s a tough one. It would bother me that she invited you but that your FI was unwelcome, regardless of the situation. But if you both want to work it out with them, I would call and speak to them–not via FB and not just by sending an invitation. Call and see if everything can be hashed out and repaired. I would speak to her first regarding your intentions to see if her boyfriend is receptive to your FI talking to him to try and work it out. Good luck!

Post # 3
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

I would start by going to the party if you want to support your friend. Unless what her FI did was so awful (did he assault someone? is he a drug dealer?) that you can’t stand to be in the same room with him, the fact that your FI and her FI are no longer friends isn’t a dealbreaker. Especially if you’re “really close friends.” Then invite them as a couple to your wedding, have your FI send him an apologetic “Let’s make up” e-mail, and move on.

Post # 4
Member
2421 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

AllyCRN:  I’d let FI fix his relationship with his best friend and continue on as I have been with my friend.  And I would invite them to the wedding. 

Post # 6
Member
2720 posts
Sugar bee

Invite them. That’s the olive branch. It’s up to them to see what they want to go with it. 

Post # 8
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

AllyCRN:  Yikes–that sucks. Is there any way your FI could call and talk to him or do you think the boyfriend would ignore his calls? 

Post # 9
Member
1236 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA

AllyCRN:  That’s not what I suggested. This isn’t about you as a couple making up with them as a couple. You have a friendship outside the couple. Maintain that. Your FI had a friendship outside the couple. It’s his job to fix that. If not one-on-one in person, then through some other means, but “Let’s all four go out to dinner!” isn’t going to work outside of a romantic comedy.

Post # 11
Member
3637 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

AllyCRN:  So perhaps this isn’t really about the guys so much as it is that she has decided to back away from the friendship you two had and you want to save it. Separately from this your FInalso wants to rekindle is friendship with his best friend. As for her inviting you to the party without your FI – of course she did! You two made a agreement to see each other like when you were single and not talk about the men. She was just following those rules. 

I think that you both need to reach out separately to your friends for separate occasions of dinner etc (just you and her and just your FI and her Bf). But if they don’t take you up on it then you have to let it go and accept that they don’t want to be friends anymore, don’t waste your money inviting them to the wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
1131 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Honestly, I smell something fishy in the whole “neither of us even remember what the argument was about” thing. For a fight that big and divisive, really, you don’t remember at all? And yet the other guy is so upset still he won’t talk to either of you? it sounds like this could be a case where your FI really wronged the other dude, and rather than own up and apologise, he chose to fade out and hope his friend’s anger would fade with time, which actually enraged the other guy even further.

maybe I’m wrong, but if you and FI really want to reconcile with these old friends, I suggest you try really hard to remember what happened, and consider if an apology might help heal old wounds.

Post # 13
Member
3097 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

If it was long enough ago that you forgot what the fight was about maybe it’s time to let go.

Id not go as we’ll as not invite to wedding. 

Post # 14
Member
473 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

AllyCRN:  When you say that she said ‘Some people would feel uncomfortable with your FI at the graduation’ makes it sound like whatever the fall out was, it was not just between your FI and his ex BFF, but a group of friends. So it seems strange you guys can’t even remember what the fall out was. Maybe to jog your memory, you can ask your friend if they can remember what actually happened? That might be a good start to try and mend the friendship. 

Post # 15
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

Invite them. But I bet they won’t come. To me, this would signal the end of the friendship and after all the effort you’ve put in? I’d let it go and move on.

Leave a comment


Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors