Friends, coworkers, sexual harassment, social media, and marriage.

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

This is precisely why I never have and never will friend people I work with on FB. 

Post # 5
Member
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@dresscrazy34:  I would really, really not see the FB thing as a big deal. I understand that you’re hurt (especially since woman owes you several hundred dollars!) but FB doesn’t mean the same to a lot of people and she is probably doing this FOR your friendship, so that no drama messes up your work friendship.

Also, if Amy is a people pleaser (sounds like it) and “my other co-manager…yells at Amy telling her that it’s inappropriate to be friends with anyone you work with on facebook” she probably deleted you to be on the “safe side” with her boss.

I am so, so, so sorry about the sexual harassment you are dealing with and that it took so long for people to believe you. It disgusts me that IF something is done about SH, it extends to re-locating the person so they can harass someone at their new job. 

And this is hot headed, but if that guy’s FB is public, I’d FB message his wife and tell her that her husband will not stop harrasing you. Give it right back to him cause it doesn’t sound like any legal action will result from his behavior.

 

 

Post # 6
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Sounds like she was reacting to being yelled at by her boss for being FB friends with coworkers. I doubt she meant it as a personal insult. Clearly facebook was complicating matters on multiple levels in this situation, so maybe it is best that you aren’t friends with her on facebook for the time being. Doesn’t mean that the two of you can’t still be work friends. 

 

Post # 7
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dresscrazy34:  This all sounds pretty petty and dramatic and inappropriate for the workplace (other then the sexual harassment which is serious stuff). You have no business being facebook friends with your coworkers. I find it incredibly unprofessional and believe in keeping work and personal lives separate for the most part.

Post # 8
Member
11717 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to worry less about the things going on with Facebook.  Most of your problems would be solved. 

You can still be friends with Amy, but I think you need to keep some distance between you and your subordinates.  I’m friendly with my subordinates, but definitely wouldn’t call them to hang out or grab a drink.  There needs to be a line there.

Post # 9
Member
1500 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’m FB friends with my coworkers but keep them on such a separate list that the only thing they ever see from me are things that I share at work – i.e. professional stuff. I invite them over for parties. In some ways you do have to keep up a social network with your coworkers in order to move ahead (why do men go golfing all the time.. it’s not like they like golf, but it’s just a social nrom). However, I stop at sharing super personal things. That has no business in the workforce. You dodged a bullet by being deleted. Amy and Aaron are both just bad news. I would focus on work.

Post # 10
Member
288 posts
Helper bee

@dresscrazy34:  The first problem is that as a manager, you didn’t set precise boundaries of work/personal life with the people you supervise. As unfortunate as it may be, Amy probably did you a favor deleting you as a friend. You probably should speak with her about scaling back on your friendship as well.

Post # 12
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@dresscrazy34:  I am friends with some of my coworkers. However, I have them on limited profile and keep a certain amount of distance if we work closely together. I also have the expectation that during work hours we treat one another as colleagues, and not friends – I will still deliver (and receive) criticism if they are my subordinate or I am theirs, I want conversations at work to be limited to work, and no one gets special treatment or even special consideration. I think these boundaries allow me to grab drinks with the same people after work and feel comfortable and not resentful.  

I know it hurts, but Amy is right to end the FB friendship. No matter who is right or wrong, the FB interactions caused drama, and the best way to resolve that drama is to remove FB. Hopefully in time your friendship can recover, but with no FB in the picture.  

Post # 13
Member
2073 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I wouldn’t worry so much about the fb thing.  Fb might be really important to you, but it’s not really important to most people over the age of 25… She’s 48 you said?  So it’s probably really unimportant in her life.  I know very few people that are in their 40s or over who even have a fb profile.  It’s something that our generation (I’m 29, so close to your age) and younger has grown into. 

And she deleted you bc corporate told her that she shouldn’t be fb friends with co-workers.  You’re a great friend, but her job is pretty important and I’m sure she doesn’t want to jeopardize that.  I wouldn’t read more into it than that.  She’s still your friend, you can still hang out and get coffee etc. 

And I’d leave the money thing alone for a couple months.  We just had christmas, it’s the most expensive time of year.  Give her some time to recoup before asking for that money back… and honestly, what’s a couple hundred bucks?  If someone is a great friend, why not just give them the money instead of loaning it?  (as long as it’s not a common, reoccurring thing)..   Just my opinion!

Post # 14
Member
906 posts
Busy bee

I ended up in a similar situation. A former coworker of mine posted some personal business on Facebook and me thinking thought she was my friend, i commented and tried to help her and then later on she took me off Facebook. I looked on her Facebook and she had other work friends to her Facebook but she told me her taking me off Facebook was nothing personal. 

Post # 15
Member
1838 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@dresscrazy34:  i hope you are feeling better now. i know you are stressed out about everything that’s going on, but i don’t think you need to be crying for 2 days b/c of someone deleting you on facebook

Post # 16
Member
342 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Aaron sounds like a lunatic and I’m sorry you had to deal with it.  However, Amy is entitled to be friends with whomever she wants on social media sites.  The fact that your boss yelled at her for being friends with someone on her own personal account is rather silly.  I’m really sorry your feelings were hurt – all the Facebook stuff sounds like unnecessary drama. 

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