Post # 1
Backstory: I had three great friends/co-workers from my previous job (I left in January 2013). We have been able to maintain contact and get together for lunch/dinner at least once/month, and celebrate each other’s birthdays, etc. We always talked about my wedding plans before I switched careers and before I got engaged. I always wanted them to attend my wedding, even if I left! And keeping in contact has solidified that.
But now I’m looking for some advice please! We hosted our own engagement party – it was more emphasized as a easy going bbqd, back in our school hometown where we met at my old student housing. No gifts, no fuss, no muss 🙂
Anyways, I invited my co-workers via FB (I know, but it was a casual party!) and beacuse they don’t check FB often, I gave them a text heads up. I invited them 6 weeks before the party. They all said they’d check their schedules and get back to me. Fair enough. Well time rolls around a week before and we’re out for lunch for one of their birthday celebrations, and I bring it up and no one says anything (multiple conversations going on, so easily missed). I didn’t bring it up again beacuse I thought it’d be rude.
So none of the 3 showed up. None of the RSVP’d yes or no. None of them followed up on how the party was (and I posted pictures on FB from the party and they have been on FB since then). I get a text last night inviting me over for a bbq at one of their houses this weekend.
I’m hurt. They didn’t even RSVP, or ask how the party was! They knew it was important to me. And now they just want to keep going? What do I do? Do I mention I’m hurt, or does that sound silly and immature? It just makes me wonder if I should bother inviting them to future wedding celebrations, and the wedding itself, if they are being like this from the get-go…
Post # 3
@kristen182: Relationships can change when situations change. I had “work friends” in my old job and I always knew that it was situational – when I left the job, I wouldn’t continue being friends with them. It sounds like maintaining the relationship isn’t as important to them as it is to you. Even if they didn’t attend, they could have at least let you know. It’s weird that it was all 3, as though they had talked about it or something.
I would focus on the good folks you do have in your life and not worry about ones like this.
Post # 4
I don’t know, your feelings are valid but I think you might be overreacting a bit. Adults are busy! Lives are busy! It was a casual backyard BBQ you invited them to on facebook. I’m sure they equated it with any other social function/get together that they maybe couldn’t attend.
I admit, sometimes in my life I just don’t want to go to events I’m invited to. Sometimes I forget they’re happeni
ng and I don’t follow up with friends. But this doesn’t mean I don’t care about my friendships! I don’t think you should be willing to write them off because of one event. They invited you to a BBQ – they obviously still value your friendship. so I would probably just ask them about it the next time I saw them. No biggie. I’m sure they all had valid reasons…. or just didn’t want to come! and that’s okay.
It has been said sooo many times before on the bee but no one will care about your wedding (and wedding related events) as much as you do. It doesn’t mean tthey don’t care about you!
Post # 5
id be upset…I have had people in my life where when serious things have happened, I could not count on them..it sucks, but it makes u realize that not everyone will always be there for you. I dont keep people like that in my life, one of the many reasons why I dont have many close friends. I almost always end up dissapointed. The people who did show up…those are the ones you need to keep close ties with
Post # 6
You did say it was a very casual party…maybe they really didn’t that their presence would be missed. Or maybe they thought it was more appropriate for close friends and family?
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
Maybe the casual-ness of the invite, and the party itself, made the impression that you wouldn’t mind if they skipped it. Obviously if they are inviting you out to something now, after the fact, they don’t realize you might be peeved. Plus, people are flakes in general.
Post # 8
@kristen182: What should you do? I think you should ask them what happened next time you see them and let them know that your feelings were hurt. Being direct is a respectable and polite way to get along in life. It leads to a lot less wondering too.
Post # 9
If I understand you correctly, your party was in another town from where you are living now. (If I misunderstood, ignore everything I say).
I think there are a combination of explanations:
– your invitation was so casual they didn’t realize it even needed a response
– despite the fact that they said they would get back to you, they really didn’t want to travel out of town for your celebration
-they may have been embarassed that they didn’t want to go, and thus avoided dealing with the issue.
– their parents didn’t do a good job teaching them manners
Post # 10
@julies1949: it was “out of town” but no more than a 20 min drive 🙂
Post # 11
Maybe they just don’t believe in engagement parties. I don’t, for example.
If they fail to RSVP to the wedding, maybe they are not your friends.