Weddingbee boards

Ever since I've got engaged I've been really busy wedding planning and doing more family activities than hanging out with my close group of friends. They offered to throw me an engagement celebration (just us girls) and I kept blowing them off partly because I was so busy at the time and partly because I was kind of mad at them for other group drama (you know how clique girl groups can get). Now I'm ready for one and their bf's have all broken up with them and are in the I hate men phase... so i guess that's not happening!

To make matters worst it doesn't even seem like they care that I can't come out to stuff as much anymore. They just say "oh no worries, we will plan other things" would it kill them to actually tell me that they miss me or seem sad that I can't come! Like really, only one has offered to help with wedding planning (pretty much the only girl left that's in a relationship) and I've turned her down because I didn't want to give her the wrong impression that if I accept her help I will be making her a bridesmaid (because I might not). 

Sometimes I feel like they are jealous of my engagement and there's just all this negative energy around me coming from all angles! I feel so alone in a time that I should be feeling the most loved. How do I get over this... they've even said to me that we are in such different stages in our lives... i.e. I'm the married one and their the party girls. Its like I just can't relate anymore. Should I drop these girls, let these friendships fade slowly, find new friends? Problem is I can't fade away too fast because I may be putting a couple in my bridal party. What to do?

Agreed with the above... why would you put someone in your bridal party that you may not even want as your friend?  That seems really weird to me.

While I know it can be sad to think that your friends aren't 'missing' you, it sounds like they're darned if they do, darned if they don't here. I mean, what's the alternative to saying "No problem, we'll catch up later"? If they whined and complained that you don't have time for them anymore, wouldn't you be annoyed that they don't understand you're an engaged woman now?

I think maybe you are feeling estranged from your friends because you're in a different place right now, but it's not fair to blame them for this. Sometimes this just happens when you're at a different stage in your life. 

Circus Peanut... i think you said it best. While I do agree with all the other posters that yes, my story is one-sided (hence, my story) there were reasons for distancing myself such as the jealousy issues and plus, only ONE of those girls offered to throw me the engagement party...the others were too busy being jealous and/or going through a breakup with their long- terms boyfriends so yes I do cut them some slack there. I do still want them in my bridal party but can't pick 5 girls and feel terrible for trying to when I'm not really sure who I'm closest with anymore. Its just a mess!

And what gives you that impression Ms. Charleston? I am really just trying to find some answers here. Constructive help is much appreciated

You know, I think sometimes friendships run a natural course and then they die out.  Unfortunately it used to happen because of time, distance, being busy or at different life stages.  But now with cell phones and social networking we are required to be connected at all times, so things don't run their natural course and we end up staying in touch with people that we don't really have much in common with anymore.  So now this gets brought to the forefront when a big event, like hopefully something happy like a wedding and not a crisis, occurs.

I so understand where you're coming from.  One of my BM's was a good friend, then we drifted apart, got close again the two years before I got married so I put her in the wedding.  She was a total jerk the whole time she was in my wedding party and actually tried to sleep with several of our married groomsmen, apparently sitting at the wedding party table and criticizing our wedding while it was going on!  Since I've been married she doesn't get that I don't have the money for $300 concert tickets and I don't have the money or desire to take a week long vacation with her when my husband and I rarely get to do that together.  So she invites me to these things constantly and I end up looking like I"m "blowing her off." 

If you want to hang out with these girls, then maybe invite them to do something that is non-couple related.  But if you really don't enjoy being friendly with them anymore, find someone else to hang out with.  As far as the party goes, noone is required to throw you anything, sorry to say.  Personally I never understood the whole Bachelorette thing --- I wanted to get married, so why would I go out for the purpose of getting drunk and freaking out about getting married?

I should note that I do see them regularly, like once a week... I just miss out on things because they see eachother 3-4 times per week.

We NEVER talk about my wedding and I didn't say anythign about wanting an engagement party...they were throwing me a girls engagement dinner, just a few girls goin out to dinner which we do all the time anyways, this would just be in honour of my engagement!

I have a friend who I tried to get together with but she was always too busy so now whenever she has to reschedule I say no problem because I don't expect her to be able to make plans anymore.  That's what happens if you blow your friend off all the time.  You'll need to be the one that makes plans for a while if you want to be back in with them again. 

Wow!  I feel sorry for your friends.  Its not all about you.  They have lives to lead too.  And honestly, if you had blown me off a bunch, I wouldn't care if you came out with us or not.  Sounds to me like they tried pretty hard to do something very nice for you and now you are whining because, after you blew them off, they have decided not to throw a party for you.  Yep sounds like jealousy to me (insert sarcasim).

ok bees, I get your point... I didn't create this thread to get further analyzed and judged, all I was looking for was some constructive criticism and not an entire backlog of everything I've ever written on this board!