Friend's Ex-Boyfriend and His Invitation

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
588 posts
Busy bee

Why does your friend *want* to bring her recent ex? Does she think they’ll be back together by the wedding?

Post # 3
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

You budgeted for him to be there so why not let her bring him? Maybe they are going to get back together. 

Post # 4
65 posts
Worker bee

Here would be my take on it.  You gave her a plus one when you mailed her invitation, that one happening to be her now ex-boyfriend.  If she still chooses to come with him, I feel she has every right because the invitation was addressed to them both.  I am not saying she is right or wrong to bring him, that is her choice.  

However, if you invite someone or give them a plus one I find it extremely rude to take back the invitation.  If your mom has a problem paying for him to be there, then he shouldn’t have been invited in the first place.  Don’t invite people you can’t afford to host and don’t take back invites…both a extremely rude in my book.

Post # 5
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Only right thing to do is let him come. If your friend wanted him to still come. You don’t know how amicable the split was. My guy is still friends with exes. It doesn’t have to be awkward or a big deal. You invited him so you can’t take it back. Its ultimately his and her decision now.  

Post # 7
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I think you should just let him attend given you had already factored in his attendance before they split up

Post # 9
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

MrsEmployed:  This is actually not completely true. A plus one is different from an invitation mailed to someone in a relationship. A plus one indicates that a person can bring anyone they please and plus ones are not required for truely single guests. Therefore, to deprive a truely single guest of a plus one is not a breach of etiquette. When a person is in a relationship and an invitation is mailed to that person and their SO, the SO is addressed by name. It is not a plus one. Your guest cannot bring anyone they please: they can bring the person that the invitation was addressed to. 

That being said, because OP’s friend is not bringing someone else but is bringing the person whose name appears on the invitation, there is no breach in etiquette and, technically, she can bring him because he is an invited guest. Why on earth she would WANT to, I have no idea. But this is a battle that I simply wouldn’t pick.

Post # 10
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

tigergrrl2008:  You issued an invitation and must honor it.  It would be both extremely rude and insulting to rescind it.  I honestly don’t see what the major issue is.  If the former couple is cordial enough to still attend together, so what if they are no longer a couple? Not to mention, its possible they may get back together.  

Post # 11
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

tigergrrl2008:  The thing is, your mother has no right to demand you disinvite this man and is being horribly ungracious in demanding you rescind an invitation you already issued.  She’s in the wrong where your friend would have every right to be angry and insulted should you disinvite her former boyfriend.  Not to mention you would hurt, insult and embarrass someone who considers you a friend.  

Post # 12
5194 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

Zhabeego:  Agree 100%

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