Friends first ? Does it eventually work?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
welliesMember
1425 posts
Bumble bee

FI and I were friends first before we started dating. I can’t imagine it any other way.

Post # 4
Member
920 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

yes yes yes! my SO and I were friends for a year and a half. he asked me to be his girlfriend and we have been dating for over 6 years. we weren’t specifically friends just because we weren’t ready for a relationship- like you asked. we just met and became friends in high school. 

Post # 5
Member
10219 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Friends is good.

Mr TTR & I started out as friends… having met thru a Mutual Friend.

I was coming off an Ugly Divorce, and not looking to date at all (altho I did think that Mr TTR was cute, and a nice guy… he had a lot of character / an upright guy… that was very evident)

We were friends for a few months, hanging out mostly in a group setting, before I agreed to go out with him.

So ya, we established a lot of information about each other early on, when we weren’t dating… that in some ways made our whole getting to know each other as BF & GF easier in the early days.

Friends with Benefits… I get and I don’t get.

I am definitely conflicted on this front.

I get it in that adults aren’t naturally celibate.

And I don’t get it, because inevitably someone gets hurt…

Because it is just human nature that when it comes to Male & Female Relationships… including sexual ones… that one person ALWAYS has more of themselves IN to the situation than the other person

Anyone who cannot see that to be human nature… is only kidding themselves.

So would I be “judging” someone who is opting for this sort of set up vs a real relationship with someone…

Or even a one-night stand (Oh wow, cannot believe I said that)

But it is true… it is how I feel.

As I say I get it… but that doesn’t mean I agree with it… cause it is “intentionally” IMO setting someone up for heartache

It is also in my experience hard enough to date someone when you don’t know their Exes (I met Mr TTR when he was free & clear and not involved with someone).

It is much harder if you actually know about the previous person, or have met them etc.

I am not 100% sure where you are going with your Question… in regards to your friend.

But these are my thoughts on the issue.

 

Post # 6
Member
4540 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Royalton White Sands

My FH and I were sort of friends first. We dated in high school, but broke up because we both needed to grow up. My freshman year of college, he contacted me again, told me that he intended to date me again eventually, and said that he wanted to be friends first. We called, texted, and Skyped, but never hung out in person until we agreed that we were ready to start dating again. 

In a way, however, we were exclusive from the get-go. Neither of us was with anyone else when we were just “friends”. It felt wrong, seeing as we had every intention of getting back together. Had I known he was with someone else – even just sexually – it would’ve definitely swayed my opinion.

Post # 7
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@Miss Wellies:  same.

 

@Sugar Plum.x:  We were good friends who within six months became absolute best friends. I knew if we ever dated, that would be it for us – we’d get married. It was a scary thought because I was 17 at the time! Once we decided to start dating, we basically entered a relationship confident that it was for keeps. We have been together for 9 years now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. We’re still best friends.

Post # 8
Member
1355 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Vine Street Church

We were close friends for a year and a half before he asked me out via Skype. It’s worked out wonderfully.

Post # 9
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My husband and I were friends before we got together.  Actually, to be concise, we dated VERY briefly when we first met (like, 2 dates) and I broke it off but we remained SUPER close for 3.5 more years before beginning to date again.  Its been a very “fairytale” kind of thing for us- apparently he started telling people he was going to marry me about a week after we met.  We both dated other people during that 3.5 years but were very close friends, hanging out a few times a week (my mom even refers to him as my “biological puppy-daddy” as we got my first dog together…as friends.  And coparented him.) 

Our relationship moved rather fast once we officially began dating again, because we already knew eachother so well. We moved in together after 3 months, and got engaged 9 months later, and married 8 months after that.

I could elaborate on why it didn’t feel right the first time we dated, but I won’t bore everyone. Let’s just say that all of our friends knew we would get married from the getgo, and were just waiting for me to come around. And I’m glad I did 🙂

Post # 10
Member
547 posts
Busy bee

@letigre:  

@Miss Wellies:  

It sounds strange that you could date someone without being friends first, but that’s what happened with SO and I.

We had mutual friends and saw each other here and there and even went to the same places sometimes, but we didn’t really interact. He did hit on me in a shy, subtle way though.

One night he called me (he had my number bc he was friends with my brother) and askd if I wanted to come over. I thought he was nuts since we weren’t even friends and it was 9 pm. But I was bored so I decided to go and hang out, and nothing more.

We ended up having some drinks and having sex. Whoops! The next day I grumpily informed him that I don’t do one night stands so we’re together now. He meekly agreed lol. Nearly 10 years later, we’re still together. Funny how things work out.

 

Post # 12
Member
9226 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2018

FI and I were friends for nearly a year before we started dating, I think our relationship has a stronger foundation because of it 🙂

Post # 13
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@IheartUFC:  LOL! I love your story. I guess I prefer to skip the awkwardness of dating or starting to see someone, but you skipped that too!

Post # 14
Member
1599 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@Sugar Plum.x:  HE needed to live life before I would settle down with him ha. He’s a touch younger than me, but he had just moved to NYC and had only ever dated one girl before (dated for 6 years, lived with her, etc.) and he seriously had NO game.  Like, less than none. The first time we slept together it felt like I was banging a 16 year old- he had no moves,no confidence…he needed to go out and date and get himself a style and some confidence.  I knew he was a GREAT, sweet, funny guy but he was a total square when we first hooked up. Shortly after we “broke up” he went through a hardcore wardrobe and attitude overhall- I was a hairstylist at the time, and gave him a badass fauxhawk, he discovered rag and bone and brooks brothers and basically flew in the opposite direction- he dated crazy, vapid girls and turned into kind of a d-bag (our friends refer to this as his “douche period” [to his face, it is not a secret ha])  I also dated someone else during this time who he couldn’t stand. We hung out and basically made fun of eachother’s horrible SOs for a few years until he really got his heart broken (by a total sociopath, but I digress.)  He was feeling really rough so we were hanging out more than usual and one night we were shooting the shit and he touched my arm in the same way he had 100x and I decided to marry him right there. It felt SO different. I got goosebumps. 

A week later he asked me to be his +1 to an event his ex would be at, I got my coworker to do my hair and makeup and we hit the event hard… the next day I broke up with my lame, non-commital, sweet-but-emotionally-vacant boyfriend and he and I started “dating” on the DL (since there was about 8 hours of overlap there and I didn’t want my ex to be completely crushed, although when we broke up after 3 years of dating he didnt even seem surprised and immediately got back together with his ex, so I guess we all win.)  I’ve never looked back.  Its amazing how I could do a 180 literally in like, ONE second… I’ll remember that touch, the way he looked at me and the way it felt for the rest of my life. I remember that moment more vividly than getting engaged or married… and it was just sitting at the bar at our fave local spot, drinking happyhour draft and house white wine.  Oh, the stories for the grandkids…

Post # 15
Member
515 posts
Busy bee

@Sugar Plum.x:  I was friends with my SO first. It worked great because I felt more comfortable when we did start dating. And we dated other people while we were just friends but we were not sleeping with other people. And we did not sleep together until I was sure we were exclusive. Thats not how everyone does it and thats totally fine. It’s your relationship and you should do whats best for you. good luck!

Post # 16
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

We were friends first too.

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