Post # 1
FI and I don’t have a lot of friends and I feel like the ones we do (did) have are pooping on us. I don’t think it really bothers my FI but I miss going out in a group or doing things with other people.
FI best friend moved about 2 years ago. He would make plans with FI when he came back into town and then would bail. Just not return calls or texts. He was supposed to be in our wedding but we haven’t heard from him in over a year! I guess he got engaged (a mutual friend found out from the guys ex) and didn’t even tell FI or any of their friends that live in our state. FI actually thinks he should have contacted him more, bless his heart.
I have a friend from college whom is moving. The only reason I found out is bc she told me her husband was looking for a job and I asked if he found one yet. We used to text everyday and meet up four happy hour. All of a sudden I don’t hear from her for weeks and kept saying we need to hang out before she moves. Nothing. I was really hurt and just going to give up bc obviously I was bothersome and she clearly did not want to hang out anymore. Well, I sucked it up yesterday and asked when she was moving and said we really need to get together before she leaves!…..she says she’s moving next week! (And by move I mean 5 states away!) Wtf? That’s hurtful. Though, she did this last time when she moved back to her home state. Just poofed and I didn’t get to say bye or anything! So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
Then my other friend from middle school stopped responding too! Last time we hung out months ago she had so much fun she said we should do it once a week! I haven’t heard from her since and she doesn’t respond to texts or fb messages! She’s single so she has no husband or kids to tend to and only works a few hours a week so I knew she’s not just super busy. But then again, she’s been like this since I’ve known her. Invited me out for NYE one year then stopped taking my calls and texts asking when and where! So I guess truly I should just accept when people show me who they really are.
I was excited to have an at home reception but now I’m thinking what’s the point? Might as well just have family over so they can see our new house.
FI doesn’t seem to mind but I’m just hurt and dwell on it. How do I not let it bother me? We also don’t really have any family. He’s an only child and my brother lives states away but we aren’t close. My father passed away many years ago and his small side of the family lives in another country (though not far) and we rarely see them. I love spending time with FI but I miss having double dates or cook outs, going boating, etc. We also moved so when we do see friends, we make the 30-45min drive every time.
However, one college friend just came back into my life a few months ago so that is nice!
Blah. I know a lot of people have friendships for life but I guess I need to accept that these just fizzled. I just wanted to vent. I’m sure this has happened to others. I will just focus my time on myself and my pets and FI!
Post # 2
People change, priorities change that’s what happens as we get older. I wouldn’t say they are as you put it pooping on you, I would say their lives are changing and friendship has ran its course. Time to move on and find new friends
Post # 3
Sassygrn: I know. I just find it weird to go from contacting each other everyday to a month later dodging me and not saying, oh hey, moving soon! Ouch.
Post # 4
Sounds a lot like my situation with my SO. Everyone is so flaky and time is so limited in the city that it’s hard to have any solid foundation with other couples. All of my friends are single so they aren’t interested in being the 3rd wheel all of the time.. They want to go out drinking with other single women. He has several male friends with wives and girlfriends and we do hang out from time to time with them, but only if WE initiate. There have been times we have another couple over for dinner only to never hear from them unless we reach out. We also invite them out to concerts and whatnot and we all have a great time, but at the same time if we don’t put in any effort then we’ll never hang out! I try not to let it bother me too much, but it really bothers him which upsets me.
It is frustrating and plain rude, and I feel you!
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2016 - Church in Shedd Oregon
I understand why you feel so hurt. You never really think your friendships are going to end when everybody grows up and goes their seperate ways. I recently just moved to a new state and I live with my fiance but in the year and a half i’ve been here I only made one girlfriend (she’s still more like an acquaintence). It’s difficult becasue i’m from SoCal and making friends was so easy down there! Since i’ve moved really only one friend (my best friend) stays in contact with me but she’s so busy with her own life apart from me that we only talk once a month. She is also my maid of honor. I feel hurt too because she used to come to me for everything and now when we do talk its about wedding stuff and she doesnt seem interested or a quick update with her life where she ommits alot of things that i later find out on FB.
I’m sorry you feel the way you do, i know whats it’s like.
Post # 6
hugs, sorry you are going through this but now it is time to make new friends. join a club, join meetup, etc.
DH has a ton of friends that he has known since childhood. i have a small number of friends that i’ve made in the past 10 years. i am not friends with anyone from my childhood.
i also have a super small family and i am not in touch with my dad’s side at all.
sometimes it sucks, but i’ve met a lot of new people through DH.
one time i asked him if we should make new friends as a couple and he told me he had enough friends. i was a little hurt by this but got over it.
Post # 7
ajillity81: omg, FI and I love meeting new people. Do you know how many people I met in college who ‘had enough friends’ and didn’t want to meet anyone new?! I don’t get that. FI had a lot of ‘friends’ before me but now they don’t talk since he’s not single and doesnt go to the club or bar every night…and these ppl are in their thirties! Hey, we still like to go on Saturday’s like normal people! Lol …just only till 10 bc FI has to be at work at 5 the next day. Yeah, we’re old. Haha
Post # 8
You’re not alone ::hugs:: I’m finding that the older I get, the harder it is to keep friends, even though making them is pretty easy. DH and I have pretty much given up on making “good” friends, and have decided to be content with having nice acquaintances to occasionally go out with. We have really low expectations just because we’ve been disappointed so many times. I try to remember to be grateful, because I’d much rather have an awesome relationship with DH and meh friends, rather than the other way around!
Post # 9
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
As we get older and take on new responsibilities, job, marriage, new home, children, our circle of close friends changes and also gets smaller; it is normal that meeting up with friends just to have fun loses priority.
Post # 10
I totally feel you. I have friends who are married. Infact I have friends who are married with kids. I have moved around a lot but I learn that every time I visit my home state with my parents that my immediate family comes first ie my sister and grandparents.