Weddingbee boards

If a friend's husband is cheating on her, do you tell her? I would think the answer is a definite yes....at the very least you confront him and give him a chance to tell her before you do it. I'm referring to a situation where you know there is cheating going on - not just a suspicion on your part. 

But I've also heard the opposite perspective - "you shouldn't get involved in other people's marital issues". I see the merit of this view, especially when strangers or acquaintances are involved, but I would think that if your friend is being cheated on, that trumps all other concerns. I mean, if/when the friend finds out about the cheating, won't she feel doubly betrayed if you knew all along and didn't tell her? 

What would you do in this situation? 

If I found out someone was cheating on me and then found out my friend knew and didn't tell me I'd be heartbroken x2.  =/

I would tell her for sure.  I would want to know.  I would skip telling him first, because it might cause some unintended consequences.  I also think you need to have some sort of "proof" when you tell her or she might just think you're being a biatch and side with her husband.  

Yeah, I wouldn't tell the guy I knew. Especially if he has a temper. He just might want to "shut you up" and I wouldn't be willing to risk it. I'd just tell her with proof in hand. I would not tell her unless I had solid evidence of his philandering.

I voted maybe because I think it depends on the friend and the strength (for lack of a better word) of your friendship.  I say this because I have had friendships that I truly thought were solid and unshakeable literally fall apart when bad news regarding their "significant other" was shared (i.e. - he's cheating).  If you have no doubt that your friend will not turn around and resent you for telling her, then I say go ahead.  However, if you are not 100% sure, I might try talking to her a bit about her relationship and fidelity in general to see where she stands (and if she's even aware of any trouble).  Perhaps you could ask how she would feel/what she would do/would she want to know if her significant other were cheating.  This will at least start the conversation and hopefully give you the green (or red) light that you need.  Good luck.

@KayNMonty2011: EXACTLY!  I see a lot of posters agree with telling the friend, but I really do think the OP should consider who her friend is and how rationally this friend will take this news coming from her.  I have had friends flip the script on ME when all I was trying to do was look out for my friend.  Just tread lightly is all.  I agree with the other posters that if you do tell you should have solid, undeniable proof.  Either way, be prepared for possible resentment (or, hopefully, undying gratitude).

I thought about it a couple more minutes and I think the biggest problem will be if your friend really does believe you and sees the proof, she is going to feel humiliated.  Especially if other people knew and never told her.  She may want to cut off friendships simply for that reason.  It's just a human reaction to get away from people you were embarrassed in front of.  If you tell her, I would make sure to let her know you will be there if she needs anything.

@Crisark: I am truly sorry you went through that.  Cheating is such a hurtful and unnecessary thing.  As a fellow victim of cheating (where everyone except me knew) I would want to know if my man was cheating on me, but again, I think each individual is different.  Perhaps self-confidence and maturity plays a role in why some women will blame the messenger and assume "she wants my man" or "she's jealous of our marriage" and some women actually appreciate the heads up.  I just don't know. 

@bells: I agree with your approach.  That's what I would probably do (but I also don't do well with stuff like this )

I would tell but I would have to make sure I had proof of it! In my first marriage, my (now ex) husband cheated, I had a feeling that something was off but he kept telling me I was crazy until some of my friends saw him with the other girl and told me exactly what they had seen right down to the shirt he was wearing. That's what I needed and I am glad they were willing to say something.

Season 2 of Jersey Shore is coming to mind.....

I ran across an instance like this in high school with my best friend and the guy she was dating (who was a friend of my brother's).  They weren't married yet, but dating steady and he slept with another friend of mine and I found out.  I told my best friend that the guy she is dating slept with (her name).  They worked it out between them and are happily married today years later.  I just had to tell her though.  No way would I let her continue in a relationship with a scum bag if she didn't know what he was doing behind her back.  I vote to tell her!