Post # 1
Okay ladies so here is the situation.
One of my good friends and bridesmaids told me a few months ago that her and her husband were getting a divorce.
I don’t like the guy but have pretty much always put up with him because I truly feel other peoples marriages are none of my business.
So, I was pretty happy about this and was super happy that I did not have to invite him to the wedding.
Anyway, last night she calls me to tell me that they are going to give it another try and that she wants to know if she can now bring him to the wedding even though he was not on the invitation (he was not on the invitation because I thought they were getting a divorce at the time the invitations went out).
Here is my feeling on it, I don’t like him and I don’t want him at my wedding. I don’t feel that their turbulence shouldnt be my problem, she told me they were divorcing and not together anymore. I cannot just flip-flop with the guest list constantly. But, he is her husband and etiquette says that I am required to invite him.
Do I need to just bite the bullet and allow her to bring him or can I tell her that I don’t want him coming?
Yes I know it’s a little selfish and I think etiquette is important and expected at weddings but honestly my stomach sinks a little bit at the thought of him being around on my big day. I think he makes a mockery of marriage and I don’t want that kind of energy around.
Post # 3
They are sill married, so yah you should.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Yes, he should be extended an invitation.
Post # 5
@Pinkmoon: +1. They are a social unit. You don’t invite one without the other. If that happened to me, not only would I skip the wedding but I’d pass on the friendship too.
Post # 6
Tell her she can bring him, but he better not pull any sh!t…
Did you send her an invite with a +1 or no?
Post # 7
You’ve got really no choice but to invite him. If you don’t, then you put your friend in the really unfortunate situation of explaining why he’s not invited, and even if you explain that to him directly, you put her in the unfortunate situation of having to be around if he decides to brood on it.
Post # 8
I’d invite him. I know it seems like a big deal right now, but on your actual wedding day, you will probably be too wrapped up in all of the joy of the day to even notice he’s there. 😉
Post # 9
Yes. They are a social unit.
Post # 10
Not sure how big your wedding will be, OP, but even at my smallish (60 people) wedding, I didn’t have a chance to talk to anyone I actually wanted to talk to. And those that I didn’t want to talk to (i.e. the bitchy wives of some of DH’s college friends)? A polite “Thank you so much for coming! It really means a lot to us that you would go so far out of your way!” did just fine. It will be very easy for you to politely avoid her husband save the canned response. 🙂
Post # 11
I thought you were going to say the guy threatened you, or kicks kittens for fun or something. They are married, it doesn’t matter if you don’t like him. How would you feel if someone didn’t like your husband and only invited you to their wedding?
If you don’t invite him then you are putting your friend in a really difficult situation, and given that her marriage is already rocky I would think you’d want to help her out here.
Also, unless he is beating her up or something, saying you’re happy about a friend’s marriage ending is pretty nasty.
Post # 12
Yep, you need to invite him.
Post # 13
@March1stBride: Invite him. You’ll be too busy to even notice he’s there!
Post # 14
Unfortunately you need to invite him. I know you don’t like the guy, but remember that you don’t invite SOs for you, you invite SOs for your guests. So try and think of it as a really nice favor to your friend. Besides, how would you feel if your husband wasn’t invite to a wedding because the bride simply didn’t like him – it’s sting right? You don’t want to do that to your friend.
Plus, it’s not like you’ll have to entertain him while he’s there. As PP said, just a quick “how are you, thank you for coming” should be all the interaction you need to have with him.
Post # 15
Sadly, the only way that it is acceptable to break up a social unit is if one of them is a threat to others.
Post # 16
yes, they are married and she should be invited with her husband.