Post # 1
Background info: A fairly close friend is getting married about 2 months before me, and FI and I won’t be living together for another three weeks. I was in the wedding party, but due to not including her in my wedding party, she kicked me out. FI is still in the wedding party, and not only that, we’ve done plenty of favors for them, I bought her a nice shower gift, we are trying to help them find housing in our hometown, trying to help the groom find a job in that same hometown, etc.
so, okay, this friend (actually, we’re great friends with the couple) sent out their invites. My roommate is also friends with them and received hers on Monday… I waited and waited, but nothing. So I thought, uhhh…
Then FI checked his mail today. He got his invite, or should I say ours? First of all, only his name appeared on the outside invitation envelope. And it wasn’t even his name–she “made up” a first name for him that is nothing like his given name, after asking him about 4 times about it in the last few months. Then he opened it up and saw that she wrote his name and my name on the inner envelope–you know, as FI’s guest.
I just don’t know how to feel about this. I feel like all of a sudden I’m a second-class citizen here–I bother to buy her stuff for a shower, bother to help her with wedding and life stuff, and I don’t even get an invite with my name on it?
I’m going to let it go, but I wanted to ask your opinion (anonymously). Let me know what you think, please.
Post # 3
I don’t think it’s a huge deal, and may even be an oversight—I have our guest list set up by couple, for instance, and we decided for the couple situations where people aren’t living together to send joint invites to the person we knew but put the SO’s name on too (although we put both names on the address and aren’t doing inner envelopes anyway). In our case, we knew the couples as couples v. as individuals, and we wanted to be sure they knew they were both included. Formal etiquette does say each half of the couple should get a separate invite at a separate address if they don’t live together, but possibly she just thinks of you as a unit and invited you as such. If so, it would make sense to address the outer envelope just to him since he’s the only one who actually lives there, and the inner to both of you to be clear it’s your invite too. I suspect there was no slight intended, and she might actually be really surprised/sorry to hear she’d hurt you by doing it that way.
The making up of a first name is more irritating, though! My FI has issues with this all the time (he has a name that is a common nickname, but his real name is actually the short form—he HATES people lengthening it thinking they’re being formal!)
Post # 4
I think since you’re just 3 weeks away from living together, it’s okay to send the two of you a joint invite, to the person who is in the wedding party. But it also sounds as though she might not be a terribly appreciative or kind friend (kicking you out of her wedding party, not writing his name correctly), so i do think you’re allowed to take issue with that!
Post # 5
she did put your name on his invitation. She does not have to send one to both you and he when she knows you are dating him… yes, she could have sent it to you but she chose him. nothing wrong. you may be reading too much into it. you’ll still get there. don’t sweat it..
Post # 6
I don’t think I would have sent two invitations to one couple, especially if you guys are so close to moving in together. There just isn’t really much of a reason. I do think it’s pretty lame that she kicked you out of your wedding party because you didn’t include her in yours. I don’t think that is a rule that you have to have someone in your wedding party just because you are in theirs.
Post # 7
Thank you everyone for your reponses. I think I should clarify: I am fine with the concept that she sent one invite. I just don’t understand why she would not put both our names on the outside envelope–it is an invite for two people, and the address is just to get it to someone’s mailbox.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised–this same girl gave my current roommate and me the same postcard save the date. how expensive is it to hand someone another $.10 postcard? She didn’t mail them or anything, and they were a vistaprint “shipping only” freebie–did I mention I designed them for her?
Yeah, I guess I just feel like I was used and this is like, the final straw for me.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill. She probably just doesn’t know proper ettiquette about the invite thing. Sounds like she doesn’t think before she does things….who kicks someone out of their wedding just because they aren’t in yours? That would iritate me ten times more.
Post # 9
I’d just ignore it and write her off as being petty. She is probably still cranky about you not having her in your wedding party and is doing this as a way to get back. Don’t worry about it and be the bigger person and ignore her childish behavior.
Post # 10
Eh… if it were me, I wouldn’t have put your name on the envelope either if I knew you hadn’t moved in yet. I honestly see nothing wrong with her including your name on the inner envelope as your FI’s guest. I’m sure, had you already moved in, she most likely would have addressed it to you both.
At least she didn’t address it as “FI and guest”. If I were going to be deliberately petty and use my invitations as an excuse to make you feel insignificant, I would have done THAT. 🙂
Post # 11
Technically the envelope issue is a non-issue. Putting the name of the person who lives in the house on the outer envelope and the names of the invited guests on the inner envelope is proper ettiquette.
The larger issue is why did she kick you out of her wedding party and why are you still friends? Was it a gesture of kindness because you will be busy with your wedding plans, or was it out of spite for not inviting her to be a part of your wedding party? That might be what’s prompting the weird feels about her envelope wording choices.
Post # 12
1 – She’s an idiot for not writing his actual name on the invite. This is rude.
2 – She’s an idiot for not writing your name on the out envelope yet putting it on the inner envelope. This is rude and in poor taste.
3 -DON’T LET IT BUG YOU! I read on here about so many brides that get caught up in what other people do to them. Let it go! They do it to get you riled up and when you do it makes them happy. So instead, ignore it and then they look stupid and get angry so it’s a win-win for you! lol
I can see why she sent it him (well, why she sent it to only one of you) since you’re engaged. BUT she definitely should have put your name on the invite. I believe it is proper etiquette that for long-term relationship couples, you send the invite to your closest friend and include their significant others name on the envelope.
Post # 13
I disagree that your name was required on the outer envelope at all. Firstly because the post office may not deliver if the name on the mail does not belong to the resident (depends on the mail carrier!) and secondly because you ARE your FI’s guest and therefore belong on his invite. Sending you separate invites when you’re engaged?? I haven’t heard of that, plus it’s expensive.
Sending you and your roomie the SAME STD? That’s weird. They should have been separate.
Not acknowledging you just because you didn’t put her in your wedding party? Totally lame. The good thing is you’re getting married after her, so if she continues to be a bad friend, you can always give her a crummy seat at your reception. 😉