Post # 1
One of my friends mom’s invited my FI and I to her wedding which is on Saturday. It will be an evening cocktail party in a tiny backyard garden. We were only expecting to attend the reception, but a week ago they decided to have a quick ceremony at the reception rather than having a private family only ceremony earlier in the afternoon. My friend called me to inform me this was happenning late last week.
Anyway my question is, how much do we give as a gift? They only want money so haven’t registered anywhere. We aren’t super close, I might see her once or twice a year and she’s only met my FI once or twice, and the mom’s FI has never met mine. I feel like I shouldn’t be inclined to the same amount as I would to a couple who are actually friends…but what are everyone’s thoughts given the information I’ve told you?
Post # 3
Is there dinner/food being served? I think it is nice to try to cover the cost of your ticket. Like if you were going out for the night, how much would you and your FI pay for it? $100 would probably be good.
Post # 5
I agree with Jacqi. I think you need to give enough to cover your dinner, so at the very least $100. If a dinner is not going to be served, you could possibly get away with a little less, but I think $100 would be a nice gesture.
Post # 6
I usually give cash at weddings, but I would be really uncomfortable with giving cash to someone older than me. They may want cash, but they can not dictate that you give it to them. By choosing not to register they are giving you no guidance as to what they would like to have for a physical gift, and that’s just the risk they take. I would pick out something nice for their home and give it to them. Especially since you are not close with them I probably wouldn’t even want to spend $100 but would feel bad giving less than that in cash.
Post # 7
Thanks Moose, that’s exactly what I was thinking. I don’t think I want to spend $100, but she told me herself that all she wants for gifts is money. So unfortunately I don’t think I’d feel comfortable giving her a gift since she knows she spoke directly to me about it. I was thinking $75 is probably appropriate, but I wanted to hear others opinions. Not to mention, friends are making the appies, so when I hear cover my “meal” well then I believe it would be no more than $10/pp. Sorry that sounds saucy but true!
Post # 8
@Ryansgirl:I think $75 is generally appropriate, but would give it in a gift card form as anything less than $100 in cash could be seen as a slight. Just remember that a gift is supposed to help with the start of a new couple’s life together, so regardless of whether the event costs the couple $1,000 or $10,000, the gift really shouldn’t be about the cost of the event. A couple that spends $10,000 on a wedding has $10,000 to spend, a couple that spends $1,000 most likely only has the $1,000 to spend and will probably need the money more than the other couple.
Post # 9
wow, I think give based on your financial situation! Since it is a casual event and they were upfront about not wanting home gifts you could give cash, but if you aren’t comfortable with it you could always give them a nice bottle of wine or something consumable.
I know the cover your plate discussion has been hashed out here, but my theory is I give based on the relationship, not the event. I would give my closer friends something awesome evenif they went to the courthouse and an aquaintance would get a smaller gift even if they spent $400 per plate, since people chose what to spend money on for their own reasons not to get gifts!
Post # 10
I think you should give what you feel inclined to give and can afford. Since they aren’t registered, you don’t necessarily have to give cash. You could give them something for their home or something you think they’d appreciate (in whatever monetary value you are able).
Post # 11
Honestly I wouldnt give close to $100-75 esp since they said they only want money IMO thats really rude!
I would get them a gift card or something for the house
Post # 12
I would have to agree with the most replies here – 100$ it s good gift.
Post # 13
I was going to say just give them $100 too.
Post # 14
$100 seems like an awful lot to me! I’d give that to a close friend, but not to an acquaintance. It also just seems weird to give money to a friend’s mom–I’d have expected her to tell you no gift was needed. We just got married and most people gave us $50 or $100 (a few gave more, a few gave less). I know that gift giving amounts are very regional, but I wouldn’t give more than $50 in this situation, and honestly, I’d probably just give a bottle of wine/champagne, maybe with a pair of inexpensive glasses (etch an initial if you’re feeling creative) and a sweet note.
Post # 15
Have they told you they want cash? Most older people who are getting remarried do not register because there is nothing they need. That doesn’t mean that they want cash. How about giving them a $100 gift certificate to Macy’s or whatever large department store you have locally.
Post # 16
Thank you so much for all your opinions. I love knowing I can come here and have discussions on just about every subject.
@nonimouse12: I think that giving $50 and a bottle of wine around $20 with a note sounds like a great idea.
I don’t agree with the “cover your plate” idea because a) how are you suppose to know how much your plate costs and b) in my neck of the woods, I’ve found with planning my wedding that plates cost around $30 per person, so that would only be a gift of $60 which is just an awkward amount.
@mishelleez: and @justbee: a gift card is a great idea, that way it looks like I made some effort.
It’s just an all around awkward situation especially since I won’t be inviting them to my wedding…Perhaps I should have declined the invite :S