Friends negative towards our early engagement

posted 2 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
3329 posts
Sugar bee

I would probably react the same way as they have, honestly.

Only you know your relationship but that is not a lot of time to be together and I really feel that these decisions shouldn’t be made before the “new relationship glow” wears off. And I say that as someone older and wiser 😛

Post # 3
653 posts
Busy bee

It’s ok to be in love, but please let reality set before you make any major decisions. Give yourself at least a year to get to know each other. My husband and I got engaged after 9 months and everyone thought that was soon.

Post # 4
1864 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Only dating a few months and you were dating someone else at the time you met him? I agree with the first poster, I would react the same as your friends. 

Post # 5
3497 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

Yeah, I would probably react the same way as your friends as well. You’re going to get the side-eye from most people on this. Getting engaged after being together officially for 2 weeks is pretty crazy, especially since you left someone else for him (were you cheating on your last boyfriend?). That is not to say that these types of relationships never work out, but most of the time they don’t. Anyone can be enthralled with someone for a few months, but marriage is supposed to last a lifetime. I was completely enamored with my FI when we met, we were also inseparable and I was sure I would marry him on our second date. We still waited a year to let the dust settle and get engaged. 

Post # 6
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

So, your friends have known about your relationship for 2 weeks, and now you’re telling them that you’re engaged? And you’re surprised that your friends are not 100% delighted?

Your friends sound like good, sensible people who are worried you may be doing something rash.

Do you really expect everyone around you to be swept along in your whirlwind? Take some time, prove your friends wrong, but don’t be surprised that the world thinks getting engaged after a few months is very quick.

Post # 7
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

i agree with the above PP’s. I would react the same way as your friends. personally i find that a few months of seeing each other, then really a week of officially dating then proposal is too soon. but i am not living your life and i dont know your relationship ins and out, but i think you should perhaps give yourself a really LONG engagement period to really figure each other out and see how things go. 

Post # 8
655 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB

Maybe they aren’t negative, maybe they are just concerned about you? What type of friends would they really be if they weren’t honest with you about their feelings? I think maybe you should really look at the friendship you’ve had with these people over the years. From the other side my brother married a girl he new for less than 4 months. None of the family was excited about it. We all voiced our concerns and he didn’t take too kindly to it. He accussed us of not being happy for him. He didn’t see it as concern.

Post # 9
268 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’ll be honest.While I wouldn’t react that way because that’s just not me, I would still advise you to wait it out a bit.I strongly believe that people need to do what’s best for them, and no one else can know what it is.I also know perfectly well that sometimes you just know…it just happened to me as well.I met my boyfriend a little less than 3 months ago, right after a breakup.When we met and started dating, something just clicked for both of us.We knew we loved each other and that we are each other’s the one within 3 weeks.But…I’ve been married before.I already know what it means to be sure you have it all and be mistaken.Sure, I was much younger back then, but just because I’m now 29 it doesn’t mean that I can’t be wrong. I would marry my boyfriend in a heartbeat, just like I would move in with him in a heartbeat,and have a family with him.But I’m going to wait it out, and to give us time to see if we really work in the long (ish) run.Give it some time.I know for me, I want to give us a year before moving in, for you it could be less or it could be more, only you know that, just don’t rush.What’s an extra few months when you will have the rest of your lives?

Post # 10
1542 posts
Bumble bee

Samipring:  “They are a bit younger however and not at that point I their lives.”

I don’t think it’s fair to imply that your friends are being immature in this situation. They are clearly concerned, and I would be too. If you end up in a happy marriage with this man, that would be wonderful, but give yourself the chance to get to know him first. You’ll thank yourself later, one way or the other.

Post # 11
5208 posts
Bee Keeper

Samipring:  This is why I eloped. I didn’t want anyone projecting negativity on my wedding day. When we hit our first anniversary, you can bet that money exchanged hands! 7 years later, we’ve proved them all wrong.

Don’t let anyone rain on your parade. Don’t go looking for anyone’s permission or opinions, and you won’t give them the opportunity to be negative. If people are really going to be unsupportive, have a small wedding with maybe just your parents. 

Post # 12
5763 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

I think it’s normal and healthy to listen to the criticisms of others. The first few months of a relationship are mind-blowing and it’s easy to be so obsessed and frantically wrapped up in the moment that you overlook your partner’s flaws.  Your friends sound like they are concerned that you are making a mistake, and it’s foolish to block them out just because you don’t like what they are saying.  If you truly have found your Mister Right, then with a little more time, your friends and loved ones will come around and be more optimistic about the relationship but if your relationship ends up not working out, you will be grateful to those who cautioned you.

Post # 13
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - The Fairmont, SF


My FI and I started dating about 4 weeks after I’d gotten out of a long term relationship with someone else and we were engaged 5 months later. I don’t believe that it’s essential that you wait “X years, Y months, and Z days” before getting engaged. Give me a break.

There’s no way to predict whether or not a couple is going to stay together forever or not and trying to boil it down to, “Oh, you can’t possibly know each other well enough!” is just ridiculous and presumptuous. I knew my FI better after 2 weeks than I knew my ex after 3 years.  

On the other hand, I’m having a totally different time from you; everyone we know has been ecstatic for us. Of course, some friends have asked me if I’m really sure but they’ve all respected that I am – and I appreciated that they asked. It’s nice to know that they care and I know that, to many people, our relationship must seem rushed. However, for us, it’s perfect. Both of our families are 100% supportive and excited for us and after confirming that we share the same beliefs, values, and goals, I see no reason not to get married sooner rather than later. 

Post # 14
4634 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Just because you’ve been swept up in a whirlwind romance, doesn’t mean they have to be sucked up with you. They’re being realistic.

You met your now-FI when you were in a relationship with someone else and now you’re engaged. That is moving fast and they’re probably concerned you’re acting rash. Only you know your relationship and think you’re making the right choice, so carry on and prove them wrong.

You have to understand where they’re coming from though..


Post # 15
6431 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree with PPs. In fact, it’d be strange to me if your friends weren’t questioning it and were totally cool with everything. Part of a friends’ “job” is to watch your back and I’m sure they’re just trying to look out for your best interests.

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