"Friends" not very supportive/excited about my engagement

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9533 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

First, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Second, their response sounds pretty typical and normal to me. I hardly ever like anything on facebook. And “Congrats” is, exactly, the right response. And they even asked you about it when you got together. I think your expectation is probably a little high if you were expecting gushing and fawning over your ring. That did not happen to me when I got engaged and I didn’t expect it to. So don’t worry about this and don’t be upset about their lack of giddy excitement. You’ll hear a million times on the bee, because it’s true, nobody cares about your engagement/wedding as much as you do.

So I don’t think any of this is a big deal. They weren’t super congratulatory and you got a little disappointed. Oh well. Life goes on for all. Doesn’t need to be a problem. You can get plenty of gushing excitement here on the bee!

Post # 3
Member
1254 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Did you expect a parade thrown in honor of your new engagent ring? Their responses seem pretty typical to me. 

remember that no one ever gets excited over someones wedding as you will as to not set yourself up for disappointment while wedding planning.

Post # 4
Member
2368 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Congrats! 

The big thing to remember is that everyone is now in a different phase of life. When you were all in school together, that was your focus. Now, everyone’s in a different place. Some may be focusing on careers, some may be breaking up with their SOs, dating a new one, buying a house, raising children. They’re happy for you, but for you, it’s an all consuming thing right now. For them, it’s a passing ‘congrats! Now what are we doing this weekend?’ sort of thing. Imagine one of your friends just announced she was pregnant. Obviously, you’d be happy and congratulate her. But you wouldn’t be going crazy with the nursery planning, doctor visits, etc. Make sense?

Post # 5
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

Congratulations!!!

Yeah my friends didn’t ask to see my ring either. I think TV and books set us up for disappointment – I was hoping my friends would show an interest in helping me plan. I’d always had the image that we would look at wedding magazines together, watch wedding TV etc… none of that happened. It’s disappointing for sure.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  MrsGatito.
Post # 6
Member
364 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

S_loves_C:  Are your friends single or married?  I think that is very typical of girls who have never been engaged/married.  It doesn’t mean that they aren’t happy or excited for you, but until they have that experience for themselves they may not understand what a huge milestone this is in your life.  My friends who are married made a little bit of a bigger deal of the engagement, but my single friends all reacted the same.  I would cut them some slack, I think that they ARE happy and excited for you, but no one will be as excited as you! 

Post # 7
Member
356 posts
Helper bee

 

S_loves_C:  Congrats! Personally, whenever I have a friend get engagaed, I usually send them a “congrats, let me know if you need help with anything!” and then when I see them in person, I love to see the ring! Maybe thats just me.

I kind of have the same thing going on. The girl who is my “best friend” doesn’t act like it at all when anything happens in my life. I buy a house- doesn’t say congrats, ask details, offer to help move, paint etc. Which I’ve done all those for her. When I talk about my SO and I custom making a ring, I get a cold shoulder. It does bother me, because as a friend I feel she should be excited for me too- as I would for her. But anytime I have “more” than her she treats me this way. Maybe not a “best friend” afterall. Are any of them waiting for an engagement of their own and maybe they’re a little bitter?

Post # 8
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

S_loves_C:  Seems pretty standard to me. If you’re looking to get your ego stroked by having people gush over your ring, post it on the ring boards. I wouldn’t expect your friends to do it (especially if, like a PP mentioned, they’re in a different place in life with different priorities). Sticking the ring in their faces and saying “I wish I could wear some nail polish to accent this baby!” will get you attention, but not the positive kind.

Post # 9
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

S_loves_C:  They congratulated you. What else are they supposed to do?

And quit fishing for compliments on your ring.

Post # 12
Member
811 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Well that is a bummer….the friends that were most excited for me were the ones I called or texted right after getting engaged.  Putting it on FB later got us the most underwhelming response (as I expected) My friends are mostly all married, btw, and we’re older, so if they are younger and single maybe your friends were jealous or were just not sure what to say.  Maybe since you were laid back about it that day, they were too?  Hard to say… 

Someone else said it above but nobody will be as excited as you, ever.  Not now, not after buying your dress, picking out bridesmaid dresses, etc.   

Congratulations though!  The bee community will certainly gush over your ring if you post it!

Post # 13
Member
3693 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Do they like your fiance? Do they have any reason to not be happy about your engagement?

Post # 14
Member
536 posts
Busy bee

S_loves_C:  I understand, but if they actually aren’t happy for you (which I’m still not convinced of) doing things like that just provides more ammunition for them to talk about you in a less than positive light (again, not saying they aren’t happy for you). I can completely understand being excited about the engagement and the ring. Don’t worry about them, and instead get your jollies by posting your engagement story and ring here. There are lots of Bees that will be supportive.

Post # 15
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I understand how you feel. for me its my family, excepet my sister, she was excited. it is really dissapointing when you expect people to be happy for you. But maybe they were jealouse, or they are somewhere else in their life.

for me, its bc my mom doesnt like my FI, so she made the rest of my fam dont like him too. 

But dont worry about that, they will be happy and excited the day off the wedding

S_loves_C:  

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