Post # 1
So I got engaged last weekend and after telling family we put the news on Facebook for everyone else to see as we were going out of town for the rest of the weekend. My friends (4 of them I’ve known since 4th grade, the rest since high school) only 2 of them “liked” my announcement and relationship change and simply said congrats! No texts asking to see the ring or more details etc. later that night I did get a text from my friend S asking if I wanted to go shopping the next Saturday. I said sure. Okay see you then! Convo over, again nothing.
So I figured when I met my 3 friends the other day they would be all giddy and want to see the ring and gush like real friends are supposed to do right? Nope. I sit in the car fiddling with my ring, watching it sparkle etc, no comment. Drive an hour to the mall and go eat.
One girl asked what we were thinking for the venue. I still had the pamphlet in my purse so I show her. Everyone says “oh that’s pretty” like I just showed them a picture of a sunset or something then that was pretty much it. A little but later they asked if it’d be this year and I said no, next May. Oh okay. I never had one girl ask to see the ring closer or say anything!! they even looked at Polish at the mall and I said I wish I could wear some to accent this baby! (Insert ring flash here) they nod, nothing. Ughhh I just wish they were more excited I guess..no these girls aren’t going to be in my bridal party.
Post # 2
Second, their response sounds pretty typical and normal to me. I hardly ever like anything on facebook. And “Congrats” is, exactly, the right response. And they even asked you about it when you got together. I think your expectation is probably a little high if you were expecting gushing and fawning over your ring. That did not happen to me when I got engaged and I didn’t expect it to. So don’t worry about this and don’t be upset about their lack of giddy excitement. You’ll hear a million times on the bee, because it’s true, nobody cares about your engagement/wedding as much as you do.
So I don’t think any of this is a big deal. They weren’t super congratulatory and you got a little disappointed. Oh well. Life goes on for all. Doesn’t need to be a problem. You can get plenty of gushing excitement here on the bee!
Post # 3
Did you expect a parade thrown in honor of your new engagent ring? Their responses seem pretty typical to me.
remember that no one ever gets excited over someones wedding as you will as to not set yourself up for disappointment while wedding planning.
Post # 4
The big thing to remember is that everyone is now in a different phase of life. When you were all in school together, that was your focus. Now, everyone’s in a different place. Some may be focusing on careers, some may be breaking up with their SOs, dating a new one, buying a house, raising children. They’re happy for you, but for you, it’s an all consuming thing right now. For them, it’s a passing ‘congrats! Now what are we doing this weekend?’ sort of thing. Imagine one of your friends just announced she was pregnant. Obviously, you’d be happy and congratulate her. But you wouldn’t be going crazy with the nursery planning, doctor visits, etc. Make sense?
Post # 5
Yeah my friends didn’t ask to see my ring either. I think TV and books set us up for disappointment – I was hoping my friends would show an interest in helping me plan. I’d always had the image that we would look at wedding magazines together, watch wedding TV etc… none of that happened. It’s disappointing for sure.
Post # 6
S_loves_C: Are your friends single or married? I think that is very typical of girls who have never been engaged/married. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t happy or excited for you, but until they have that experience for themselves they may not understand what a huge milestone this is in your life. My friends who are married made a little bit of a bigger deal of the engagement, but my single friends all reacted the same. I would cut them some slack, I think that they ARE happy and excited for you, but no one will be as excited as you!
Post # 7
S_loves_C: Congrats! Personally, whenever I have a friend get engagaed, I usually send them a “congrats, let me know if you need help with anything!” and then when I see them in person, I love to see the ring! Maybe thats just me.
I kind of have the same thing going on. The girl who is my “best friend” doesn’t act like it at all when anything happens in my life. I buy a house- doesn’t say congrats, ask details, offer to help move, paint etc. Which I’ve done all those for her. When I talk about my SO and I custom making a ring, I get a cold shoulder. It does bother me, because as a friend I feel she should be excited for me too- as I would for her. But anytime I have “more” than her she treats me this way. Maybe not a “best friend” afterall. Are any of them waiting for an engagement of their own and maybe they’re a little bitter?
Post # 8
S_loves_C: Seems pretty standard to me. If you’re looking to get your ego stroked by having people gush over your ring, post it on the ring boards. I wouldn’t expect your friends to do it (especially if, like a PP mentioned, they’re in a different place in life with different priorities). Sticking the ring in their faces and saying “I wish I could wear some nail polish to accent this baby!” will get you attention, but not the positive kind.
Post # 9
S_loves_C: They congratulated you. What else are they supposed to do?
And quit fishing for compliments on your ring.
Post # 10
MariContrary: the comparison to a baby does help to put it in perspective, thanks! Although personally when a close coworker was pregnant I did the whole”squeal!! That’s great! When are you due?!” Etc and I don’t like kids very much honestly.
Same with when my friend S mentioned above got a new puppy I said oh CUTE!! etc but I can’t stand dogs but I was nice! But I was excited for them both because they were excited..that’s what I was hoping for In return.
BeeinBoston: yes, I know this but I was hoping since I was the first in our group they’d be more excited I guess? Oh well life does go on.
MrsGatito: tv definately makes us think our girlfriends will want to scream and jump up and down you’re getting MARRIED!! Etc haha. 🙂
Post # 11
Soon_to_be_wed: they are all single but even my younger brothers 17 year old girlfriend could comprehend this is a big step and was super excited about it, and she doesn’t know she will be a bridesmaid yet even it’s just honest excitement for us as we all hang out at my parents often together.
Katie918: I’ve thought of this too, out of the group 2 of the girls (not the ones I was with that day but 2 who haven’t said anything to me this far ) have been in relationships longer and I did think they would be engaged first honestly. That would make sense to me.
spezia: I don’t normally do stuff like that but I was getting frustrated, is it really that hard to say oh pretty!! There is a girl I work with who got a cute promise ring she loves and I told her it’s pretty even Tho it’s not quite my taste.
Post # 12
Well that is a bummer….the friends that were most excited for me were the ones I called or texted right after getting engaged. Putting it on FB later got us the most underwhelming response (as I expected) My friends are mostly all married, btw, and we’re older, so if they are younger and single maybe your friends were jealous or were just not sure what to say. Maybe since you were laid back about it that day, they were too? Hard to say…
Someone else said it above but nobody will be as excited as you, ever. Not now, not after buying your dress, picking out bridesmaid dresses, etc.
Congratulations though! The bee community will certainly gush over your ring if you post it!
Post # 13
Do they like your fiance? Do they have any reason to not be happy about your engagement?
Post # 14
S_loves_C: I understand, but if they actually aren’t happy for you (which I’m still not convinced of) doing things like that just provides more ammunition for them to talk about you in a less than positive light (again, not saying they aren’t happy for you). I can completely understand being excited about the engagement and the ring. Don’t worry about them, and instead get your jollies by posting your engagement story and ring here. There are lots of Bees that will be supportive.
Post # 15
I understand how you feel. for me its my family, excepet my sister, she was excited. it is really dissapointing when you expect people to be happy for you. But maybe they were jealouse, or they are somewhere else in their life.
for me, its bc my mom doesnt like my FI, so she made the rest of my fam dont like him too.
But dont worry about that, they will be happy and excited the day off the wedding