(Closed) Friends separating but refuse to admit/discuss it (long)

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What would you do?
    Ask her directly, without showing I know more - her recent actions clearly indicate a problem : (3 votes)
    5 %
    Keep pretending everything's fine, if she wants to talk, she will : (13 votes)
    21 %
    Butt out - she didn't confide in you : (30 votes)
    48 %
    Give her space to work through it alone : (14 votes)
    23 %
    Admit that I know what's happened, try to get her to talk about it : (2 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    575 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    Are you able to see her? I don’t know how far apart you are from her but maybe she is uncomfortable talking about it on the phone. It also might be a reality check if she has to say the words outloud making everything seem much more real and scary. It is important to make yourself available to her but if shes not ready to talk about it it may just be that, shes not emotionally ready to really admit whats going on.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3167 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    i would respect their privacy, this is obviously something she’s not comfortable talking to you about.

    Post # 5
    Member
    7302 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    Relationships are complicated and maybe not even they are sure where theirs is heading.  Why should they have to explain it to anyone if they don’t feel ready to talk about it?

    Post # 6
    Member
    4510 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I would try to just continue being her friend. She will confide in you when and if she’s ready. 

    People react differently to problems–some confide immediately and some keep everything inside. If she really is having marital problems, she’s going through a very, very difficult period. It might be embarrassing for her to talk about it; it could be that she and her hubby are trying to work things out and she doesn’t want to speak badly about him to her friends. 

    I know it’s hard as a friend not to be told what’s going on in your friends’ lives, but if I were you I’d just try to respect her and not listen to anything I hear about her that she doesn’t tell you herself. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    2313 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    If I were going through a divorce, I’d be dealing with a lot of emotions- grief, failure, loss, anger, sadness. Maybe she’s just trying to get herself to a place where she can talk about it without crying or something. Maybe she’s not ready to discuss it. I think the last thing I’d want to deal with while going through a separation or divorce is a friend riding my ass to give her all the information. Give her some space. When she wants to talk about it, she will. You don’t need to feel like you have to support her if she’s made it clear she really doesn’t want the support. 

    Post # 8
    Member
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    I would just say, “I have no idea what’s really going on,  but just know that I am here for you, in any way you need me to be, and at any time. Let me know if/when you are ready, and I’m there.” and leave it at that. The ball will be in her court, and she can come to you if she wants. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Give her space.  If she wants to talk, she will.  She and her husband need to deal with this on their own terms and to be honest, they may not even know what direction things will ultimately head at this point.

    Post # 10
    Member
    907 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    Be a friend. When she’s ready to talk about it, she will. Stop trying to get her to admit anything. Even though you think you know they’re having marital problems, there is SO much you don’t know about their personal situation . . . relationships are complicated. As others have said, please respect their privacy.

    Post # 11
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009
    Post # 12
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    @stillme: This is exactly how I feel.

    @Rumplestiltskin: She will talk to you about it if she wants to. You have made it clear that you are there for her.

    Post # 13
    Member
    996 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2009

    @stillme: That is exactly how I feel.

    @Rumplestiltskin: She will talk to you about it if she wants to. You have made it clear that you are there for her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2442 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    A wife is not required to admit anything to her friend(s) regarding her marriage.  Their marriage is not your concern.  If she wants to clue you in, she will.  Respect her obvious desire for privacy.  Be there for her if she needs you.  Know that it is her choice whether she will ever need you.  

    Post # 15
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Definitely take a step back and give her some space. I dont see why its so important to you to hear her “admit it”  Sometimes its hard for peopl to even admit to themselves that their marriage is failing and is beyond repair.  Just give her space and allow her to talk when she is ready to do so

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