Friends that tell you never to get married…Advice??

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1362 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley

@MissStruggles:  I’ve had this happen twice, and both times I pointed out that their opinions were biased because of their sucky situations.  Though I wouldn’t advise saying that… We don’t speak anymore, haha.  No love lost. 😛

I would just say “Thanks for the advice” and change the subject.

Post # 4
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

My very own Dad likes to tell me about how marriage is bad in all kinds of ways. He has never told me not to get married, but only because I haven’t told him I intend to..

To be honest, I’m a little freaked out that if my lovely boyfriend goes to ask him for my hand, my Dad just may talk him out of it. (I kid.. I’m SURE he knows better than to talk a girl’s boyfriend out of proposing!)

When we talk about it in theory, I like to remind him that just because he’s never met anyone he can see spending his whole life with doesn’t mean that other people can’t!

Some people are just jaded (and rightly so) But to each their own! Just let her know that you respect her feelings on the subject and you disagree and that is that!

Post # 6
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

Maybe its just because I’m super blunt but I would’ve been brutally honest that she’s not in a position to give advice due to her current circumstances. Especially if it’s unsolicited.

But some ppl don’t like honesty and would prefer the PC version of things. 

Post # 7
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Uhg. I used to get this all the time. I worked as a paralegal for an attorney who did a lot of divorces and other kinds of drama-heavy family law. Every time a client saw my e-ring I got a lecture on how men are pigs, marriage is for idiots, he only proposed so he can get in my pants (wait, wat?). Every. Single. Time. On top of the secretary making the same comments because her ex-husband is a real piece of work (yeah well so was she) and my bachelor-for-life boss actually trying to talk my then-FI out of “this madness”.

I just smiled, and thanked them for their warning (clients) or flipped him off with my ring finger (boss, we had a great friendship).

Post # 8
Member
11668 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d just ignore it.  NEver had it happen to me, though my best friend’s bf apparently was telling my friend all through my wedding how he didn’t believe in marriage and he thought the forever part was such a bunch of bull shit.  I was pretty pissed for her because she’s been dating him forever and hoping to get engaged/married to him. But, who the heck does that at a wedding?! especially your gf’s best friends wedding?!  very odd. I didn’t like him before but I really don’t like him now.

Post # 9
Member
4576 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

We had a friend say something along those lines earlier this week when my BF told him he has my ring. I believe his exact words were “Awww, man. Why do y’all wanna go and get married? Why would you *want* the government all up in your relationship?”

I stared back blanky and said “You’re dumb.”

I find making people feel stupid for *saying* something stupid usually prevents them from doing it (at least to me) in the future.

Post # 10
Member
4639 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Thanks for the advice, luckily you know a divorce attorney if I ever need one.

Post # 11
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@KC-2722:  SNAP! 🙂

I had a friend who used to go on and on and on about how awful her husband was. People like this are just sad. I stopped talking to her. I couldn’t take the negativity anymore. As @LMD:  said, no love lost.

Post # 12
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

@MissStruggles:  Simply say “Oh wow, that’s great advice, I’ll keep that in mind if my relationship ever goes downhill.”

This works because:
1. It’s showing that you are positive about your relationship, and
2. You’re making her feel like you’re taking note of her “advice”.

Honestly though, whenever someone talks smack about marriage and whatnot it goes in one ear and out the other with me. If you really want to go out-of-the-way extreme, record what she says, then when she finally finds herself a “worthy” person, replay what she said so she realizes how stupid she sounds!

Post # 13
Member
1163 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MissStruggles:  “I know you’re trying to come from a good place, but I’d appreciate if you didn’t shoot down my hopes and dreams just because of your personal experience. Everyone doesn’t have the same exact experience so it’s not fair that you keep projecting your situation onto me.” I’d say something like that. And if she didn’t get the point I’d probably get an attitude and set her straight that way.

Post # 14
Member
8705 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

We had people tell us this on the plane ride to our wedding. We were already married so it didn’t really matter, but I just laugh it off. Everyone has an opinion.

Post # 15
Member
7997 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

The only time this has happened to me is when I was dating a loser. So I would definitely consider why these people are telling you this. Yeah, there’s a chance you just know a lot of bitter people.. but you never know. My mom is pretty bitter when it comes to marriage, and even she is on board w. my SO. She despised my ex. People usually want what’s best for you.

If these people are strangers then I just wouldn’t start talking about your relationship or “waiting” in the first place.

Post # 16
Member
3736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MissStruggles:  I say, “I’m sorry you feel that way. We feel differently.” 

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