(Closed) Friends TTC ?

posted 9 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Bee
13714 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Barr Mansion

Two of the Dude and my friends are pregnant!  We are really happy for them.  It does freak me out a little that the baby-having is starting.  Earlier today I said something to the Dude about how our kids will be 20 in 1035 and it really freaked me out! 

Post # 4
Member
1719 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2008 - Winery in the Gold Country

I def. have friends that are TTC and it’s all they can think about!  It makes me a little sad… i think they stress out about it too much, but I guess when you feel like "it’s your time" then that’s really all you can think about. It seems like nowadays if girls aren’t getting pregnant within 4 months of TTC they’re banging down the doors of their OBGYNs for Clomid. Uh… chill?  How bout just sexing it up for another year and seing what happens? Whatever happend to just trying for a while before going nuts?

Post # 6
Member
1428 posts
Bumble bee

I have newlywed friends TTC and I’m really excited for them but also a little scared as we are all in our mid-30’s.
We have a mutual friend whose daughter is about to be a Senior in high-school, and my TTC friend and I are like WOW – we are so far behind.
I also have friends who have been trying for the last 2 years with no good results yet and it makes me so sad, I pray for them a lot.

 

Post # 7
Member
7082 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2009

Well, you know, we’re kind of obsessive about weddings 😉  Maybe different folks stress about different things?  I saw someone close to me go through fertility issues, and I understand why it made her crazy.  I wonder if she felt like she was failing at the one thing that women are supposed to be able to do that makes us unique.

Post # 8
Member
2000 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I have a couple friends with kids and one who had a miscarriage earlier this year. She’s pregnant again, though, and out of the first trimester!

Mr. Bunny and I are kind of in the middle of the pack … we have several friends who are just married or are getting married soon, some who have children or have just had children, and some who are still single. It’s a good mix.

Post # 9
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

It both excites and frightens me at the same time. I too worry about those trying really hard to conceive, and also the pressure to do the same from family (both mine and his). Looking forward to it, but I don’t really want to "try" to make it happen, I just want it to happen when it’s meant to, you know? 

Post # 10
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

I am definitely with Peng on this one in that I think, sometimes, starting to TTC becomes too much about things other than enjoying each other and hoping that love will form a baby when the time is right.  When it comes down to it, it really isn’t something that can be "planned" the same way a wedding can be, but I feel like the event-planning mentality somehow crosses over into a lot of newlyweds who are TTC.

Since we’ve talked about having kids, I have learned to (albeit unwillingly) let go of any notion that I can control when and how conception happens.  I have weird cycles (as in very irregular and only 6-7 total per year) so there is really no conventional way I would be able to even begin to track ovulation etc. and "plan" accordingly.  In a sense, having less control in this way helped me form what I feel is a healthy TTC mindset for us as an individual couple.

This isn’t to criticize those who have had trouble (by trouble I mean not conceiving after a year of frequent sex, miscarriages, lack of ovulation, PCOS etc.) in their TTC efforts and who ARE charting, on meds or anything else.  When it comes to those types of situations where a lot of disappointment is in the couples’ faces, I think they have a right to be wary; I know I totally would be doing anything possible if I was in that position.

Post # 11
Member
429 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2008

Yeah, I agree with Penguin too. I don’t know why TTC is such a HUGE deal to some people. Yes, admittedly, if you have infertility issues, and I mean SERIOUS infertility, not just "Oh, we started trying 6 months ago and we had a miscarriage." Yes, miscarriages are sad. They hurt, and I am truly sorry for those who have suffered one and do not deny anyone the pain that they rightfully own over losing a child, even one so small. But really, you are not infertile at that point. Calm down, heal, try again. SO many first pregnancies end in miscarriage, you are in a sad majority.

Rant over.

Um, yeah, none of my friends are really TTC right now, except for one particular set because she has endometriosis and if she DOESN’T try now she could become infertile (sadly, they are now waiting till fall to try again after a miscarriage in April. I was so bummed, our babies were going to be a month apart). We weren’t TTC but did C (it’s a girl, btw, found out today. ), and we’ll be the first in my set of friends back home and the second/thirdish in our group of college friends.

Reading the thread again, I also agree with Plumeria, it DOES seem like some people try to plan babies like they plan weddings. I know some of the married Bees I follow on their personal blogs are kinda like that. No offense to them, but yeah… our bodies and their processes, modern medicine and all, are still so mysterious. Just relax and realize that it’s not ever going to be perfect or quite how you planned it.

Maybe what I say won’t be worth much to some of the self-diagnosed problem TTCers out there, since I have an oops baby, but oh well, my two cents.

ETA: Ok, I sound like a self-righteous you-know-what in this. Sorry everyone. My heart really does go out to those who have suffered loss or setbacks in their TTC adventures, both those I know and those I don’t. A family friend lost her twins at 22 weeks and we talked a lot about the balance between trying to be happy with those who are happy and sad with those who are sad… thankfully, she is able to overcome her bitterness to be happy that I am blessed, and I think of her loss with sadness every day. I would wish for this attitude for all TTCers and their friends.

Post # 13
Member
6010 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have a friend who’s having real trouble TTC.  He and his wife are youngish (27-28) and they have had two miscarriages in the last year.  It’s heartbreaking to see them get their hopes so high and then be absolutely devestated when they lose the baby.  Right now, the doctors said there is no medical reason why our friend’s wife should have miscarried.  They’re so frustrated and terrified and (justifiably) obsessed with the whole process.   The sad part is that it’s still not really acceptable to talk about their losses openly, and I think that makes things really hard on them.  It’s like this huge problem with all these emotions tied to it, and yet there’s very little support or understanding for their loss.  The worst, I think, is that when they do try again, they have already told us they won’t tell anyone about the pregnancy until the 4-5 month mark (they lost both their babies at 8 weeks) because they’re afraid of getting excited for a baby just to lose it again.  It’s so, so sad.

Their experience has really made me even more nervous about trying, though.  My family has a history of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) deaths and unexplained miscarriages.  My husband would like to start trying for kids like 2 years ago, but my family history and my friend’s struggles make me really afraid of the whole thing. 

Post # 14
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We’re all in our mid-20s and surprisingly there are no rugrats in our circle of friends. Oh, well, I guess one of our old college friends just fathered a surprise baby on his girlfriend…but, uh. We’re not sure what’s happening in that situation yet…

Anyways. I imagine some of our friends will be TTC soon, now that more of them are getting married. And I’m kinda excited. I like to be around babies. It is rather scary, but we’re planning on having kids in abour 5 years or so in our early 30s. I am worried about difficulty concieving. I think my mom had a difficult time getting pregnant all 3 times. BUT when I went on birth control (ortho lo) my ob/gyn specifically said that since my periods were crazy irregular (not unusual to skip up to 3-4 months, up to 6 months in college sometimes), that going on bc now would help regulate my fertility and make everything more predictable, making conception less difficult down the road. ^_^

Post # 15
Member
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Several of my friends have children.  One is probably on the way to the hospital at this very moment 🙂  Thankfully, for their sake, I don’t currently have any friends who are struggling TTC.  But my sister and FSIL both had terrible, heartwrenching struggles (and both also had to make some tough choices along the way) that lasted several years.  FI talk abuot this a lot.  I’m taking an incredible career opportunity that will keep us apart for the first year of marriage, but we both think we’ll start TTC (hee, I like that) within about 2 years.

Until my sister went through it, I don’t think I ever could have appreciated how much of a soul-destroying thing infertility could be…or how it can cause you to question your woman- and personhood.  I’m tearing up just remembering how awful it was for her…for years.  I’m kind of getting to a risky age for pregnancy, so it’s something I think about a lot.  I have certain medical issues that will make me higher risk anyway, but in my early/mid-twenties I don’t think I really understood the desperation that can set in.

Post # 16
Member
96 posts
Worker bee

  To give you some perspective on those crazy ttcer I’ll post! I think for many people it’s that they want a baby and they want it now. We get everything (food, email, texting ect) right now, so it can be hard to wait. It’s really sucky to get that negative test every month. It can be very discouraging. Now that being said I’m a little different than some. I’ve had three miscarriages in-between having my Daughter (two before and one after her). I also have an arcuate uterus which means my uterus is heart shaped and it may or may not be part of the reason. It’s pretty rare so there aren’t a lot of studies on it. I also need to take progersterone because mine is low and that may or may not be the reason. It’s frustrating to not know exactly what’s wrong and to not be sure it will work again. It messes with your head hard core. It makes you think you’re a failure as a woman, that there must be something wrong with you that you don’t deserve to have babies.

  We will never tell people before the end of the 1st trimester ever again. It’s too hard. I hate putting the burden of my inability to keep a baby on other people. My daughter is a miracle and while I’m very hopeful it will work again, it might not and I have to try and be thrilled with what I already have. It can really make you be pretty depressed for awhile. People seem to think that because the baby wasn’t born yet that you shouldn’t be sad about it and it’s just not true. That’s why people feel like they shouldn’t or can’t talk about miscarriage. It’s too hard to have something break your heart and have someone else trivialize it.

 

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