(Closed) Friends vs Family

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Did you invite more friends or more family?
    More Friends : (20 votes)
    28 %
    More Family : (38 votes)
    53 %
    About 50/50 : (14 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4480 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch

    That’s a tough one! I’d say if you are paying, you get to make the call. I would keep in mind who you think will still be in your life over the years to make the decision (and sometimes that will be your friends and not your extended family!).

    Post # 4
    Member
    1030 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    We struggled with this. I made sacrifices in both places – ie invited family I am close with/have seen recently but had to leave out some people… same with friends.. closest only. Basically if you are friend OR family, you aren’t on the list if I haven’t seen you recently/you’ve never met FI. That cut things down pretty quickly. ETA: Our list is about 70% family and the rest friends.. I still have about 15 friends coming (with SOs) so that’s enough to make me not feel like I sacrificed too much.

    Post # 5
    Member
    10367 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    We didn’t go beyond 1st cousins. It just gets out of hand. We are closer to our friends than family, so they took priority. Since to me, a wedding is about sharing the day with those closest to you, that made the most sense.

    Post # 6
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    2nd cousins!?! I would stop at 1st cousins! We had a good balance between friends and family. We basically gave each group of people an equal amount of people to invite. SO his parents got to invite 50 people, we got to invite 50 people and each of my parents got to invite 50 people. My ILs invited a little over their limit but in the end it worked out.

    Post # 7
    Member
    7695 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    2nd cousins!?! I would stop at 1st cousins! We had a good balance between friends and family. We basically gave each group of people an equal amount of people to invite. SO his parents got to invite 50 people, we got to invite 50 people and each of my parents got to invite 50 people. My ILs invited a little over their limit but in the end it worked out.

    However, if youre  paying for the wedding yourself then you should be able to invite whoever you want

    Post # 8
    Member
    3978 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Well, it wasn’t so much a choice for us. I have more family than I have friends. I mean if we only invited close family (1st cousins) our list would still be almost 100 people. I know all of those won’t come, but still. I don’t know about you but I don’t have 100 close friends who I’d want at my wedding, lol.

    I understand the problem though. Personally, if it was an issue for my wedding. I’d only invite close family (maybe not even all the first cousins) and then fill the rest of the list with friends. I completely agree with you that your mom expecting invites for her friends who you probably hardly know or far extended family is not proper if she’s paying none of the tab.

    Post # 9
    Member
    503 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2010

    We had a relatively small wedding–80 people–and we didn’t give anyone in the family invite control. I think what the previous posters have said is all true. Think about who you’ve seen in the past two years and who you will see in the next two years. Anyone who isn’t there doesn’t need an invitation. I didn’t even invite my stepbrother’s girlfriend because she had never–in two years–bothered to meet me and she wasn’t going to do it on my dime at my wedding. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    988 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2009

    Wedding can be so difficult when it comes to sorting out numbers.  I see no sense in not inviting friends who are there for you in your life over some relative who may not mean anything to you.  I think it’s completely up to you and your FI. 

    Try and talk it through with your mother, and invite some of the people on her list who you feel close to, but don’t feel obligated to invite people you don’t want to simply because it makes her feel good about herself. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    6394 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    We have a lot of overlapping friends, so most of our people are family. It works out well for us, since we have a close, small-ish family. We’re honestly able to invite almost everyone we wanted to, and the guest list is at 120.

    In your case, you’re paying for it, you get final say! 

    Post # 12
    Member
    654 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    We solved this problem easily by not having very much family to begin with.   🙂

    Post # 13
    Member
    971 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2008

    I didn’t vote because we invited only immediate family.  Last minute JoP ceremony and it was more important to us to contact immediate family since we didn’t have much time to really contact anyone else!!! 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3316 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2009

    At the ceremony, it was mostly family (my 2 kids, my brother and his wife, my sister, and my ex-husband and his sister).  Since NotFroofy’s family was not there, we invited a few close friends.

    However, our at-home reception was only friends, and much larger (60 people instead of a dozen).

    Post # 15
    Member
    566 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    if you and FI are paying, then you two should definetly get the last call on who attends and who doesn’t.  as for us, we’re just having a very small wedding (around 30 people) and most of that is family

    Post # 16
    Member
    1166 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    We paid for our wedding ourselves so parents really had no say. (It helped that we are older than the average bride & groom.) We had a pretty simple rule: We only invited people we are close with; no one was invited out of obligation. That means we even left off some FIRST cousins who live far away and we do not keep in touch with. We got a couple of comments/questions, but I simply explained that we had decided on a small wedding and described our general rule. While I was polite about it, I made it clear it was not open for discussion. In the end, we had about 80 guests, about half family, half friends, and it was perfect.

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