Post # 1
K i was helping a friend plan her wedding, and she mine shes doing a very small backyard kinda bbq thing..meal first then ceremony then having more people drop in later for a party..Her kids and my kids are same age..
Invitation clearly stated me and my FI no mention of kids? weird bc its backyard and she never mentionned no kids to me…so now i mean i will go but FI wont drive the 8 hours to go to just the after party..Trying not to be bitter,I had planned on inviting her and all 4 of their kids even tho we are having a reception etc…
do i mention this? suck it up? or?
Post # 3
I think you should ask her. I am allowing kids at my reception but I didn’t put the kids names on the invites…
Post # 4
some people may not want kids there (i am one of those people). places where there is drinking and adult conversations are no place for kids anyways. it is up to her, as it is her wedding. i say suck it up.
Post # 5
I cut kids because of costs (we’d have something like 60+ kids, if we invited everyone’s). Just because it’s in a backyard, doesn’t mean that kids are automatically invited.
Since it sounds like you are close – why not just casually / non-confrontationally ask her? (One of those: hey, just want to make sure I understood correctly that it’s just me and hubby invited and no kids – right?)
But – YES – you suck it up and do not mention that you are hurt if they aren’t invited.
Post # 6
I think you should try to let it slide. It may be possible that she’s doing an adult only reception and just never thought to mention it. My future SIL had a backyard wedding and opted not to have children invited because they believed the guests would get a little rowdier for a backyard reception.
Post # 7
As a bride who is having an adults only wedding, I’m going to suggest just sucking it up and leaving the kiddos at home. I’ve personally never had anyone question our wishes to not include children but I know a lot of brides who have and most of them find it to be pretty annoying when guests ask if their children are invited. Most people know to address the invitation only to those who they want there. If the invitation was not addressed to “The Smith Family” then she probably doesn’t want your children to attend. I’m sure she loves your kids but she has her reasons for not inviting them (in some families including children could add dozens of extra mouths to feed). Just because you’re including her kids doesn’t automatically mean that she has to include yours.
Post # 8
I think the PPs are right on this one. Unfortunately, it is her call, even if you don’t really agree with it. Could you possibly get a sitter so your FI could come?
Post # 9
Ask her gently just to be sure. If it is indeed no kids, try to be respectful of her and her FI’s decision as it may be a cost issue or out of courtesy she may just want to keep it an adult party (alcohol, language, etc.) which may not be suitable for kids after all. See if you can arrange a sitter and treat it as a mini-getaway for you and hubby.
Post # 10
Fi is 8 hours away and as we only received an invite to the post party in her backyard, he probably wont come up. Just odd she never mentionned any of this previously..
Post # 11
Well you stated that its a very small intimate Wedding, so that right there should make you realize she probably just wants the attendees to be a small crowd..
Weddings are expensive, even small BBQ ones. Please dont feel bitter, Im sure if it were upto her she’d invite a lot more people. But If she lets your kids go, then she’d have to let Aunt Sallys kids, then Cousin Mikes kids, then Sister Judys kids etc….You know what I mean?
So try not to take it personal, Im sure its hard enough as is coming to the conclusion of no kids because of budget.
Post # 12
I agree with the PPs that say you’ll just have to suck it up and try not to take it personally. We’ve cut kids from everything including the ceremony.
Post # 13
I would ask her, and if she says no kids… then that’s just how she wanted it to be… but I’d hope she did it fairly y’know?
Post # 14
I would let it slide. In fact, I wouldn’t think anything of it as many wedding I’ve been to stipulated no children. I agree with oracle above regarding the possibility of having to end up inviting so many children if everyone were allowed to bring their kids. If her wedding is in the backyard, I take it it’s not a big event. Although it seems informal, I am sure they want to invite as many adults as possible and kids will just take unnecessary space and be all over the place. If you ask me, a wedding is a more adult occasion anyway, and like Cornflakegirl said above, there may be alcohol and not suitable for kids. BBQ’s are usually accompanied by alcohol and they may just want the adults to have a good relaxing time without kids all around them.
It would be a different case if other guests were allowed to bring kids but not you…
Post # 15
I don’t think you should ask unless you plan on saying “I completely understand if you have to say no.”
I also am not inivitng kids, this is fairly common.
Post # 16
Go ahead and ask, but be prepared for the possibility that they are not, in fact, invited.
We chose not to invite kids under the age of 12. It’s nothing personal against our guests, it’s just what is best for us. We just hope that our guests respect our choice, and in turn, we’ll respect their decision whether to come.