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I don't think its weird at all... it just means they're not in any hurry! My manager and her FI are like that and it's really kind of cute. They're just enjoying being engaged. Of course, they already live together so not a whole lot will change.
I don't think its a fake engagement...My bestie got engaged before me and they have been dating for like 5 years now or more...My FI and I have been dating for less than a year and have known each other for about 5 years....She is not planning because she will be attending pharmacy school and wants to wait until she is finished before she gets married...She is willing to help me plan, go shopping with me and everything but she just does not want to start making plans because they are going to have a very loooooooooooonnnnnggggg engagement...like 5 years or something....So, maybe they just haven't started planning because they do not plan on getting married soon...
I know some people who are engaged without any plans or desires to get married, and I thought it was a bit weird. I guess I don't understand why you would feel compelled to ask someone to marry you (and as the girl, say yes) if you didn't want to actually get married sometime soon. I feel like some people do it to please parents who would get upset at their kids living together without at least being engaged.
Well, I don't wear my engagement ring all the time because honestly it gets in the way most of the time. So I break it out only when I go out. And some people might not be "wedding" people.
We don't have any set plans yet mostly due to funds and even though I am excited I am not the type to broadcast my excitement to everyone I know. I am a very private person. Both my fiance and I are introverted that way. One of the plans we do have is to have a small wedding and so even if I was the type to share wedding details, I wouldn't be shouting about it to everyone, because it would be rude when many people I know won't be invited.
At any rate, there's no way of telling what's up with your friend, but I think there's lots of reasons why she might be behaving in a way that seems 'weird' to you. Her behaviour may be natural to her.
I'm sure their engagement isn't "fake" in any way, but the lack of follow up isn't my cup of tea. I can understand why it puts you off. How long have they been engaged? Maybe they're close mouthed, or maybe they don't intend to plan anything for a while?
The couples I know of who are are engaged, but have no plans about getting married, aren't the happiest. One couple broke up shortly before the engagement, and still haven't planned anything over a year later because the guy won't get a job. The other couple has been engaged for about nine months with no plans. And there's no reason they haven't done anything. Apparently they want to "make sure they're with the right person?"
Eh. Not talking about the details of their wedding, not wearing the e-ring all the time? Absolutely. Sure. But having no plans to advance towards marriage doesn't seem right to me. To each their own.
I have friends who were engaged about 3 yrs before making wedding plans. They are very laid back people and knew they were going to get married eventually, so they just waited until a time that was good for both of them, quickly planned an awesome wedding and have been great ever since. Different strokes...
I have a friend who has been engaged for 3 years but fell pregnant shortly after so I assume they put the wedding on hold. Their little girl is 2 now. We're planning on having a longish engagement (2.5years) but are still discussing the wedding and scouting out venues. I've discussed our wedding plans a few times infront of her and she seems completely uninterested. Maybe she's just a wedding person, maybe she is a bit jealous that they're not married yet when they have been together longer. I personally think that having their little girl is a much bigger commitment to each other. I just don't talk 'Wedding' around her anymore, which is fine because I have lots of other friends who are very excited :)
Are they just kinda private people? Or maybe just hesitant to share details? My fiance and I haven't been engaged long and will be married this July but most of our friends and even some of our family don't know about most of our plans. In fact yesterday we had dinner with both sets of parents and it was the first time I had seen my FILs since being engaged. My mom was basically horrified that I didn't go in showing off my ring right away.. Its just kinda not my style to show off or always talk about the upcoming wedding.. Plus I feel like the more we talk about it the more chance someone has to give us their opinion or opposition. In the end its to each their own- maybe they're just pretty private people
Oh man... I have a couple friends who are not engaged, but they think they know when they will be engaged, and they already have their weddings planned. When I announced my potential wedding dates to them -- they were upset because I had chosen dates that they wanted -- but they weren't even engaged!!!!
Ha, this is probably not what you meant in your original post, but you reminded me and I wanted to vent :)
Mmmm... I hve a friend who has been engaged forever. They don't plan on getting married. IS that fake? Maybe. What does "engaged" mean to your friend? IDK. Different strokes for different folks.
I've been with my fiance for almost 8 years and we've been engaged for 3 years and unfortunately we have to deal with rude people who question our committment to one another simply because we haven't had a wedding yet. First off there are other things in peoples lives that could prohibit them from getting married within the typical year of being engaged. For us it was finishing a masters thesis, then one of us losing a job, then both of us find a job then you can't really pull money out of your a$$. Second, not every one is in some major rush to get married simply because the knot says you should get married within a year of being engaged.
We were engaged for 3 years before we got married and we didn't really talk about getting married for the first 2 because it wasn't really worth it. We were waiting until we had graduated school to get married so that we wouldn't upset our parents (and it was easier on us because we didn't have to worry about losing insurance, etc).
I had a friend who was engaged for several years and never wore her ring, in fact, the first time I met her she made a special 'effort' to wear it for our mutual friend who introduced us. It is a fabulous ring! Lo and Behold, the next time I hung out wiht her a month later she had bought a dress, set a date and booked a venue. AFter years of not wearing the ring or talking about getting married! She was very independent, definitely wasn't an ultimatum proposal so I think she just had to get used to the idea.
I've known people like this. Some people just don't make a big deal out of it and if you don't knwo what's going on in your life, sometimes people don't plan because they have more pertinent issues going on.
Not weird and of course they are serious. From your title I thought you'd be talking about a couple that doesn't live together and is always breaking up or something. Lot of people aren't that interested in weddings, we don't question when guys aren't interested in the details, well a lot of girls aren't either (and some guys are). *shrug* I would guess they have no reason to rush.
I wouldn’t say its fake – but I think “engagement” means different things to different people. Some people have really long engagements to save up $$, etc., some have long engagements for other reasons. There are also people for whom (it seems) being engaged just means “I love you” – people who are perpetually “engaged” in every single relationship they are in.
To me, being “engaged” means you are working together towards marriage, so I would guess there should be planning and some kind of timeline, but I don’t think it means you have to get married in 1 year or less. Different couples work towards marriage at different speeds.
I have 2 sets of friends like this. One needs to wait because of a benefits issue. My take on it is that there is no reason to be discussing the wedding when it is still 4+ years out... They are very much in love and committed to each other but know that this is a long haul for them.
The other... well, I'm not completely sure about the motivation... but I can say that they seem happy right now. I don't see either of them anxious to push forward, and as long as they are happy, I'm happy for them :)
I might have looked that way right after I got engaged, as I got the ring the Saturday I graduated from law school, and began studying for the bar that Monday, left the country for a month, then started my first job. Took me 6 months to plan anything. No date, nothing.
Once I got going, though, I decided to only wait 7 months. So, in the end the engagement qill be for 14 months, but for half of it I did nothing. Everyone is different.
I think everyone is different. I had a friend that got engaged before me and didn't talk about any wedding plans... after about 10 months of being engaged, they broke up. :( But looking on the brighter side, she didn't have any plans or deposits that she lost.
Every engagement is different... ours has been (and will continue to be, haha) a long one, because it's important to us that being married means being financially independent - we're finishing our undergrad now. Some months I plan a lot, others I have to put it on hold because of too many work/school hours. Some friends I talk about it with, others I don't... I think when you set a goal for yourself as a couple, it sometimes doesn't fit in with other people (for example, when an established couple gets engaged, they won't usually have a goal of financial independence in their way, because they have been financially independent for quite some time. But they probably have a different set of issues to tackle.)
My mom and her FI have been engaged now for 3 years. They live together and she doesn't work but runs the household and takes care of paying the bills for the house and his company. Mom says that why fix something that isn't broken. They both have been married before, him two times before and I think they are just nervous that things will go sour if they make it legal. There has been talks about taking the family on a cruise and getting hitched on a beach but I think mom doesn't have time to plan her wedding when we just planned my brother's last year and mine this year.
My cousin got engaged the same weekend as we did. They were going to get married in 3 months after the engagement. They had bought the ring, a house and gave a car to his mom. Then bam, overnight they both lost their jobs on the same day... they worked together. So he started driving a truck doing local/city shipping just to get by and she went interviewing. So they cancelled their wedding plans. Now they both have solid jobs again, (6 months later) and they are talking about just going to the JP because money is still tight.
I wouldn't read much more into your friends engagement being real or not. You just don't know ALL THAT GOES ON BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. Isn't that a country song?
FI's dad and step mom were "engaged" for 10 years, after having dated for several years before that. Had a ring- made no plans. I think that is wierd. They finally got married about 3 years ago.
Uggghhh....we had friends JUST like this!! They got engaged before us but didn't plan anything. In fact, during my engagement the groom asked me not to talk about wedding planning with the bride because she wasn't really into getting married. What??!?! Along the way they broke it off and got back together twice. Rocky, at best. We were engaged for 23 months but had our date and venue booked within one month of our engagement. Then, at our 18 month mark, they all of a sudden decided on their wedding date and asked my husband to be a groomsman. Unfortunately, they chose to get married 6 days after us. We couldn't go to their wedding or celebrate with them. The WHOLE thing was weird, from beginning to end, but it's just who they are I guess. They are still friends of ours andwe just accept that they are different. :)
Honestly people should take as long as they need to- let them savor the engagement. My FI has 2 other friends who are engaged at work (Both for over a year) and yet the "wedding pool" had us picked to get hitched first. They were right, our wedding is in August and the other 2 couples haven't set dates yet. But they're great people and they just take their time :o)
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I have some friends who have been with their boyfriends for longer than FI and I have been and they are "engaged" but she doesn't always where her ring, they have nothing set yet and don't even talk about it and it was one of those "quiet" engagements where they didn't even seem excited. Do you think this is weird? I feel weird bc they've been engaged for longer than FI and I have and we are planning away, talking about the details ect. They don't even mention their wedding. Is this is fake engagement?