Post # 1
When we’ve announced our engagement to people, we’ve had quite a lot of people make comments about how they “can’t wait for our wedding.” I even got a text when we posted it on facebook from a friend who I haven’t seen in 2 years say “I better be invited to your wedding!”
We plan on having a family and wedding party only DW, but we do plan on having a more nonformal party when we’re back. I’ve started telling people this, but it still makes me feel a little bad as if I’m letting them down.
Also, I’ve been friends with this one girl since highschool. We see eachother once every few months for coffee, but don’t really do much outside of that. When I told her I was engaged, she started talking about coming dress shopping with me. I didn’t really know what to say about it, and then recently on facebook, she asked me when we’d start shopping……I don’t know how to tell her that I don’t want a huge crowed while dress shopping. I have 6 BM’s, and I’ll probably only have 1 or 2 come dress shopping along with my mom and FMIL.
Don’t get my wrong, I’m happy that I have friends who are thrilled about FI and I getting married. I’m just always worried about hurting anyone’s feelings in the process. Are there good ways of letting people know our plans without letting anyone down?
Post # 3
My SO and I aren’t even technically engaged yet, and people are ALREADY starting with this crap! I even had a girl invite herself into my wedding party!!! Some people can be so uncouth. My response to these insane self-invites and pressures is at this point to laugh and say “let us get engaged, then we will work out the guest list”. I suppose when we are engaged I can tell them “we haven’t worked out the guest list yet” then just change the subject.
I would never in a million years invite myself to somebody’s wedding, let alone to be a bridesmaid and to go dress shopping! I don’t get how people don’t feel totally insane doing this. At the end of the day you can’t worry yourself over hurting people’s feelings, because you can’t invite everybody.
Good luck and congrats!
Post # 4
One of my old high school friends (whom I see maybe once every two years) said, “You HAVE to invite me to your wedding!!!!!” No, sorry, you’re sort of low on the priority list compared to my family and current friends.
So many people think weddings are free for all parties. It’s part of why I don’t post thigns to Facebook. Too many nosy people.
Post # 5
sorry to be blunt, but when you announce to the world via facebook, the world of facebook responds.
it is rude that she invited herself all these places, dress shopping, to the wedding, etc. but because you posted on FB, maybe she thought you were friends enough to be invited.
Post # 6
@ajillity81: I have to agree with this, but OP I’m confused as to why you can’t just tell the girl who is inviting herself dress shopping the same thing that you’ve said here? Is it frowned upon to set limits and boundaries and tell people the truth?
Post # 7
i would think making a large announcement or letting someone else say it would take the pressure off you, – on facebook – nervous about dress shopping, going in myself to see how it feels, i don’t want anyone opinion to change the dress i may fall in love with, or only my mom is going to come, it make it very private. something along those lines (then you cant really have your other friends come, unless you already selected your BM and they HAPPEN to be already there that day looking for there BM dresses! ) or if you have a sister or mom who knows the girls say something like “yes i will take my daughter dress shopping, just the two of us”
– that’s what i did, i always try to make everyone else happy so i had my mom post on my facebook, im taking Andy dress shopping what a lovely mother daughter bonding time, all my friends liked it a few text-ed asking if they could come and i said my mom just wants us to go as a bonding thing…sorry and no one argued and put it on me that I DIDNT want them there…i didn’t…my mom asked me if anyone else was going to come, she said it would have been nice but I didnt want anyone there…luckily i said i loved the dress before my mom could say she didnt and she just went along with me,i know she don’t like it but she seen how happy it made me feel so she agreed she loved it also…so im glad i didn’t let her talk to change my mind…because if i let her talk i know i would have a different dress today… i always want to make everyone else happy- that is the one thing i hate about my self…GOOD LUCK!!!
Post # 8
I had a mostly family only wedding. I let all my friends know that I would love to invite them but cannot because we agreed that it would be family only. They understood.
As for the friend inviting herself to go dress shopping, just ignore her. One of the times I was a BM, the bride went dress shopping without telling any of us with her mom only. She didn’t want a ton of opinions so she didn’t tell us. We understood. On top of that, I think it’s kind of a hassle to work around the availability of all parties involved if you want everyone to go with you. Having a select group makes that part easier.
Post # 9
When I announced I was engaged to a couple of my friends (I was picking my fiance up from a gym class he has with them), one of them exclaimed “OHMYGODAREWEGOINGTOBEBRIDESMAIDS!?!?!?!” I had to awkwardly explain that I planned on having a small wedding party and hadn’t made any decisions yet…..and then shuffled away. They both more of my fiance’s friends anyways and I’m not sure if either of them will be able to make it to the wedding (it is 3.5 hours away in my home city) in the first place. I understand your pain though
Post # 10
Oh, to add, DH ignored the whole, “Don’t forget to invite us” post. I think it made people kind of upset with us because we weren’t invited to a few weddings (I think people think, “Well, Mr.SMR and Mrs.SRM did not invite us to their wedding so we shouldn’t invite them.”). Luckily I have been to my fair share of weddings so being left out of one doesn’t hurt my feelings.
Post # 12
Okay, in my excitement I did the whole FB “We’re getting married!” without thinking. I got lucky. No one invited themselves. I realized that was not the best choice so now I post almost nothing about the wedding and especially steer clear of details and mentioning the date, just to be safe. However, I did have a few people say stuff like “are you going to invite people from class?” as I was in a Master’s program at the time of our engagement. I got used to saying early and quickly “No, we’re having a small ceremony with family and close friends.” People got the hint, and it didn’t offend anyone. Be up front and honest with people. There’s no shame in keeping things small or the way you want them.
Post # 13
I think the most rediculous thing in terms of people inviting themselves to our wedding has been people proclaiming that they shall be the “plus one” to someone that they assume is on my guest list. People are so silly.
Also my advice from experience – don’t cave on the dress shopping. I am too nice of a person and caved in saying a good friend of mine could come dress shopping with me because I was going on his birthday and he really wanted to go. So, I figured hey it’s his birthday and then we can do lunch and even though I really want it to only be a my mom and bridesmaids/bffs thing, it will mean a lot to him and make him happy. Well he got tipsy the night before and bragged about he got invited to go dress shopping and that my bridesmaid (who was with him at the time) was only going because she was a bridesmaid. This loud proclomation also prompted two other friend of ours who were at this outing to try and invite themselves dress shopping at 11pm the night before. And then the best part, he didn’t show, didn’t bother to tell me he wasn’t comming, but rather texted one of my bridesmaids during the appointmet that he had some errands come up, but that he still wanted to lunch. I would be more annoyed, but I found the perfect dress with the people who I really wanted to share the experience with. But totally not worth the angst of trying to be nice.