(Closed) Friends with Ex? What does your SO think?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

My FI is aware of different guy friends who I have had relationships w/ prior to meeting him – he’s not a fan of it.  I don’t regularly see them, but we exchange phone calls, emails, and texts – and none of this I hide from FI.  I have an ex that I dated for 6 years and, whileI would NEVER in a million years want to be friends w/ him, the FI hates him for the way he treated me.

On the other hand, FI is still friendly w/ allllll his ex’es and we all mingle in the same social circles.  I love most of the girls and I love how he is respectful of them. 

Post # 4
Member
1032 posts
Bumble bee

My SO doesn’t communicate with any of his exes, and neither do I. I did before my SO came along, but he was clearly uncomfortable and his comfort took priority for me, but every couple is different!

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

We’re both still friends with our exes (the more significant ones anyways). We’re actually going to his ex’s wedding in July, and both her and my ex are invited to the wedding with their SOs. We had them all here for a Christmas party and my friends were totally weirded out. I’m thankful we’re all in a place where we can be happy for each other’s success in life and relationships and that we can all be friends. I think that’s what I missed about my ex, he was a great friend, I’m really happy to have that back and that he and FI get along so well. Which reminds me, I have to get him and his GF over for dinner again! I love his GF, she’s amazing. I mean, at a certain point you stop thinking about “so and so” as your ex, and just think about him (or her) as your friend.

Post # 6
Member
136 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

my high school ex is invited to our wedding. my fi gets along with him and because we dated so long ago, it’s no big deal. besides, what does he have to be insecure about? i’m marrying him, not the ex!

Post # 7
Member
14750 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I am friends with all of my ex’s (except one) ever since high school.  The FH hates it, but he trusts me and that is all there is too it.  I don’t ever talk to them or run into them without telling him about it.  As long as there is truth and communication in the relationship there should be no problems.

Post # 8
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I actually have an ex in Wyoming that is really good friends with me, and my FI is very okay about it, and he is actually coming to the wedding. Recently he came out of the closet and told us that he was gay, which we were fine with (I kind of had my thoughts on this when we dated in high school) and I also have a really good guy friend online that he is okay with. The truth is, my FI is fine with whoever I want as my friends, he doesn’t mind. As long as they don’t cross the line and make it awkward, that is all he cares about.

Post # 9
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I dont think neither of us are super comfortable with the idea. But we’re cordial. I’ve learnt my lesson my first bf/close friend showed me every thing that was wrong in all my relationship post him.

He’s not coming nowhere close to this one.

Post # 10
Member
612 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I wouldn’t say I am “friends” with my ex’s, but we exchange the yearly “How’s life? How’s the job?” emails and leave it at that. The Ex is aware of it and while he thinks it is weird, it doesn’t bother him at all. Mostly that has to do with how I talk about these guys and exactly WHY I had to break up with them. All were just deal breakers to me (verbally abusive/bordering physical abuse, cheating, drugs, etc.), so the FI doesn’t feel threatened at all about them.

He doesn’t talk to ANY of his prior ex’s and has quite a bit of disdain towards them. Not to say if we happen to see them at a party he is rude or anything, he just is disgusted with his part relationships.

Though the last party we went to his most recent ex was there and WASTED! The FI and I are watching a game of beer pong and she comes over and just starts GUSHING over the FI. I’m trying not to laugh at her and the FI is just terribly uncomfortable. Then she lifts up her shirt and says “Look, I’ve lost 15 pounds! Can you tell?” The FI said “Yeah that’s nice. Luckily <seras> works out everyday so I don’t have to worry about her gaining 50 lbs” Surprised

I could have killed him because ALL night she was going around bad talking me to everyone. Not that they listened because they all love me, but it still made me feel bad for her.

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Not a fan, personally.

Post # 12
Member
485 posts
Helper bee

My SO doesn’t stay in touch with any of his exes, and neither do I.

However, a guy I dated for a few months a couple of years ago is actually a friend of my SO. They are not particularly close and my BF doesn’t see this guy particularly often, which is probably why I never knew that they were friends when I was going out with my ex. My relationship with this ex ended pretty badly; he ended all contact with me overnight and there was no closure or explanation.

When I met my SO and he told me he was a friend of my ex, I felt very uncomfortable as my relationship with him ended without any explanation, and I was really worried that my ex would bad mouth me to my BF. However, my BF took the situation very well and told me that he doesn’t care what my ex has to say about me, because he is capable of making up his own mind.

It took me a while to get comfortable with the fact that they are friends, but I eventually came to terms with it. Whenever I meet the ex in a social situation now, which is very rarely anyway, I am civil and friendly like I would be towards any other aquaintance.

Post # 13
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

My ex is my best friend.  FI was really uncomfortable with it when we first started dating, but I basically told him, “look he’s my best friend, and if you’re not ok with that, then this stops here.”  He got over it, but not without a few fights in the first few months of our relationship.  Over the years, though, he’s totally come around.  We’ve hung out with him, and then him and his [now] wife, and we just went to their wedding a couple of weeks ago.  He and his wife are coming to our wedding in the fall.  My ex and my FI get along really well now!  I love it – I get to hang out with my 2 favorite men in the world at the same time!

Post # 14
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

SO does not keep in touch with exes.  I have two that are “Friends” on FB, one from HS and one from college.  We might have exchanged 3 or 4 comments in the last year, but it’s not like we’re blowing up each other’s phones or anything.  SO is not too thrilled with the one from college, like someone else said it is more to do with he doesn’t really care for the way the guy treated me.  And college exes wife clearly doesn’t like me either, as she makes a nasty comment every time I post him, so over all I’d have to say it’s mostly better to leave the past where it belongs. 

 

Post # 15
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

My husband and I occasionally have some issues with this. I think our main issue is that he’s from the small town we live in, so he inevitably runs into his exes, or exes best friends or moms or whatever, and all of the social circles are intermingled in some way or another. In fact, one of his significant exes was my daughters substitute teachers and I feel like we can’t walk through a grocery store without running into someone he was associated with. It really bugs me. And he has an ex who moved two hours away who he still had a friendly, flirty relationship with for a long time before we dated, so everytime she came home she would text him begging him to meet up with her, and she even came into my place of my work once when she was home to “check me out.” And then she kind of freaked out when we eloped.

 I’m from a big city and don’t have contact with most of my exes unless I absolutely have to. He’s also the type of person to maintain friendships with exes, whereas when I’m done with someone, I’m done, save for one or two people I dated years ago or have a child with. He’s FB friends with MOST of the girls he’s dated or had flings with, I’m FB friends with none of mine. And, mostly I’ll roll my eyes with one of them comments on his page, bc it’s usually out of context and they’re trying too hard to be cute. So, I was surprised when he was pissy when my daughters father friend requested me on FB recently. The only reason we did it is bc it just makes it easier to swap photos without having to initiate unnecceasray contact. 

So, while I take issue with his actual casual acquaintance with his exes, while I think he takes more issue with the “mystery” of my past, that tends to only come out in bits and peices bc he has no point of reference (whereas I can point to his FB and ask him about specific people.) But, I guess, considering the large scope of things, we’ve worked out most of the kinks.

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