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Me and the BF were just talking about this. IMO, I don't think it is appropriate to be friends with your ex. if they are in your past, it's for a reason.
We're still friends with our casual ex's but not the serious ones. It works pretty well for us. I think if J wasn't friends with any of his ex's he wouldn't have ANY female friends left! (Which actually I wouldn't like at all because most of them are very cool girls and now we're friends. :-)
I'm not on speaking terms with any of my exes, not because the situation is hostile, but just because they were important to me at one point in my life, and they are no longer important to me, or play a role in my life anymore. SO is friends with a few of his exes, and while I don't 100% approve, I know that he doesn't see them in a girlfriend-ly or intimate way anymore, so I guess it's fine.
Neither of us are, but it just ended up that way. We both have a couple of exes where there are no bad feelings, and we're 'facebook friends' but we don't see any in person. There are just a lot of factors I think for stuff like this. As long as there is an appropriate relationship with no flirting etc, I don't think there's any problem with it!
FI and I moved across the country together, so neither of us see much of our exes, but there are a few we both keep in touch with. Not a big deal, though neither of us are in touch with The Big Ones in our pasts, just people we dated for a little while.
We don't live near them. Both of us will occasionally get a facebook message and respond or send one to check in once in awhile. Those are for relationships where we really cared about the person and things just didn't work out but it's nice to know they're ok and happy in life.
There are people I'm not comfortable with him talking to and he'd prefer I didn't talk to but it's more because of the way they've handled themselves than just the idea of it.
Other - we're both friends with exes and neither of us has a problem with it.
We're both friends with our exes and okay with it. I don't have much in common with his ex (sorry but she's not very smart), so I try to avoid hanging out with her for my own sanity. I don't care about the "ex" part.
We hang out with my ex and his gf every couple months. We all get along really well. We had a Christmas party in December with a lot of friends, including both of our exes and SO's. When my friends started connecting the dots they were in shock, it was hilarious!
after my exes and I broke up, we kept in touch over the years but it just faded away with time. if I ran into them I would say hi and what not but thats about it
So, My ex is still one of my closest friends. We were best friends before dating, that only lasted like 2 months and then we broke up :-) But, we both have also only been in 3 relationships. One that FI was almost dating is now dating my ex.... and we double date all the time... hahahaha
I know I'd be jealous if he was friends with an ex from a serious relationship (in most circumstances--not all), so out of respect to him I offer him the same. I am FB friends with an ex, but I share with my FI about any interactions we have.
But then my brother and his good friend are both engaged to each others' exes, and it works fine. I think in the end it depends on the ex, depends on the relationship, and depends on the breakup.
i am fortunate enough to say I've dated a lot of great guys-- I have no terrible breakups to speak of.
I can't exactly vote on this poll though--- These men are very special to me but I wouldn't exactly call us "friends". I send them a happy birthday text once a year and that's pretty much it. THey may send something in return -- like hows life, etc --- but we don't really keep up more than that. I have a fiance, they are all in serious relationships... so its just a "hey hows life" sort of relationship.. nothing more nothing less.
...we both are.
I'm surprised there's not a poll option for that, since your post says you both are too. :)
I voted other.
We're not friends with ALL of our exes, but some of them, yes. Those with whom things ended on amiable terms. It doesn't really bother us - probably helps that we were friends for 8 years before we started dating, so we've seen each others' relationships that have crashed and burned, and know that the other person is only into us.
Neither of us are friends with our exes, but that's because we don't want to be. It doesn't have anything to do with us as a couple.
honestly it depends on the previous relationship and how that ended.
i'm not friends with my ex and it's a mix of choice and it just happened that way. my fi started out friends but then drifted apart. if they were to meet up and hang out it wouldnt bother me (even though i would prefer to know in advance). to be honest, i'm actually more comfortable with the idea of that now since i'm engaged than when we were just dating.
both of us are - but only with the exes that ended well. for instance the ex i was with before FH who i refer to as the a$$hole with no soul, yeah i havent talked to him since i told him not to ever contact me until he gave me my $$ back. havent heard from him since and dont really care to. same with his most recent ex who used to try and break me and him up - i nipped that in the bud and theres no contact anymore, but the more casual exes we had (i.e. short relationships - casual dating etc) we are friends still with.
i think it depends on how it ended, and how serious it was?
We both are. If we aren't, it's because they've drifted out of our lives and not out of any animosity or desire to not be friends.
It might have bothered me in my previous relationship, but I'm secure in knowing how he feels about me and where things stand. I mean, he's putting a ring on my finger for a reason. :)
We're both friends (not great friends, but still on speaking terms) with some of our old exes from when we were really young, like high school.
We were both in 4+ year relationships before we started dating, and we don't talk to them anymore. It just happened.
I'm still facebook friends with all of my exes except for the most recent one and I think he is too. There's no hard feelings there, so it's no big deal.
we both are friends with our ex's and we dont have any issues with it!
I did miss an option-We are both friends with exes and are fine with it-I knew I was forgetting something! Guess I shouldn't be on the 'bee and working at the same time!
we're both friends with our exes, although he is more than I. It is a hot topic right now, because my ex just asked me last night if he is invited to the wedding. I hadn't planned on it, just because he won't know anyone but my family. But since he is expressing interest, I'll invite him. My FI honestly doesn't mind.
The most contact we have is via occasional email/ internet message. It's just easier that way.
i have two ex's from serious relationships and quite a few from some not so serious. i am friends with/on good terms with all of my not so serious relationships (and two have become really good friends with my FI) and with the serious two, one is considered one of my best friends and FI is really cool with him, but the other has caused a lot of problems with my current relationship. he was the most serious.
FI is on good terms with his ex's but not exactly friends. with his ex-fiance, he definitely isn't friends with.
a little of everything!
i think it depends. i'm friends with one ex. his family and mine are very close, i've known him since i was a baby, our families do everything together so it would just be weird if we weren't friends. he's married now, and so am i, so it's not a huge deal. but i would never be friends with another ex... we dated for over 7 years and he didn't treat me very well (which i didn't really understand until i found my husband who is amazing to me). i just think it would be easier for me if i didn't talk to him, and i'm sure my husband wouldn't fight with me about it but he wouldn't be happy about it, so it's just not worth it for me.
I didn't vote on the poll because I couldn't choose between:
Neither of us are friends with our exes. It just happened that way.
Neither of us are friends with our exes. On purpose.
I have no desire to be friends with any of those guys. I figure there's a reason why we don't talk anymore since we broke up, so I'm not going to force it. Plus, when I say goodbye in relationships, I probably don't ever want to see you again. I like to "keep it moving" as the youngsters say. lol
We fit under "other" I guess....
I only have one ex. We stayed "friends" for about a year after we broke up, but it was one of those messy we-broke-up-but-we're-kind-of-still-dating situations, so when he found another girl I cut off contact for quite a while. He and my husband have been friends for years, though, since before I dated my ex even, we share a close circle of friends, and he's now dating one of my best friends. So, although I wouldn't call him a friend (and we're not facebook friends), I still see him periodically in group settings and my husband still talks to him.
My husband has two exes. One he doesn't have contact with (she was a high school romance). The other one, his ex-fiance, is still friends with both of us on facebook (again, she's in our same circle of friends and I was friends with her before they dated) but neither of us have much contact with her (it's just a little awkward) so it doesn't bother me.
We did talk about whether or not we would invite the exes to our wedding, but decided not to in both cases because we wanted to avoid any awkwardness. I think my ex would've wanted to come, though, if we'd invited him, because he kept asking about wedding planning and asking if we were excited and such.
DH doesn't talk to any of his exes. I am still "friends" with exes but there aren't any I regularly see or talk to. The last guy I was in a "I love you" relationship with before DH (there were other shorter ones in between)...yah, I won't even be FB friends w/ him. ;)
I voted other because we are both friendly with some exes and it's not really a problem for either of us
i am friends with one of my exes, but it was a casual thing. no serious exes for either of us.
You left off the option for "We both are, and it's not a problem". That's us!
I’m FB friends with 1 non-serious ex, but I wouldn’t say we are really “friends”, we just don’t have much in common and now live 1000 miles apart – no hard feelings or anything. Needless to say, I am NOT friends with my serious ex in any sense of the word. ;-)
FH is now friends with his ex-wife (that took a while after her behavior which lead to the divorce!), and friends (more FB friends than real friends) with the woman he somewhat seriously dated prior to me. I don’t care that he’s friends with either of them. I know they talk/e-mail/see each other at work conferences (the ex wife, not the ex-girlfriend), and it doesn’t bug me.
We are not. I requested that he cut off communication with his ex because I felt it wasn't normal to spend that much time with an ex, especially when we were dating long distance. And to me, it just didn't make sense, for her to know everything about us and be a part of our lives. With my ex, he didn't exactly tell me stop talking to him but I know he didn't like it, especially when it was clear that my ex was not over our relationship, so that was out and done.
definately not friends! Causes too much jealousy. We try to stay away from drama
I couldn't agree more with lolaj; I've never been one - if it doesn't work out, I move on. He was and it caused a lot of drama and fights; one of them just wanted to still invoke herself into his family and was even put off when he started dated me even though she secretly married and told no one (they later had a wedding, more than a year from the anniversary). After awhile, we successfully put the kabosh on that. Other was more casual and the gal didn't take it far, but she was sooo much younger and I felt if there wasn't much in common for the relationship, no need to be friends.
We've been together for almost three years and it worked out for the best...
I didn't vote. Our situation is kind of weird...and by kind of weird I mean VERY unusual. I am friends with my ex (of many years-pretty serious), and we hang out to double date with my fiance and his live-in girlfriend. It sounds really weird, but we are okay with it. We only see them every few months or so.
He is friends with some (not all) exes. We see them with groups of old friends occasionally and it works out well. His most serious ex (from college) is really good friends by proxy to almost all of my FI's friends. He would care not to talk to her at all... but she is kind of in the social mix and it would be hard to cut those ties without making a big deal out of nothing. She's pretty nice, and we get along well. I stood up in her wedding a few months ago. It was kind of weird, but worked out.
Being friends with exes is not really something that works for everyone or every situation, but it works out well enough for us. We have been together for almost 4 years and are solid with our relationship (hello! impending matrimony :P ) and just take everything else as it comes.
ETA: this looks stranger as I reread it.
I'm friends with one of my exes. I think we will always be friends seeing as tho we were that before we were anything else. The rest of my exes are inappropriate for me to be friends with...and one of them is a stalker whom I have a restraining order against. My fiance is not friends with any of his exes because they're all crazy or inappropriate. Some of them started sending him inappropriate text messages and myspace messages when they found how serious he was about me. Needless to say I and he shut that down real quick.
It's funny because we saw one of his exes at her job (A Department Store) the other day and when she saw us she has this wierd look on her face and in my head I was thinking what is wrong with this chic. He had told me stories about how crazy she was but I didn't know it was her til we left and he told me. She checked us out to. Lol!! I got a kick out of that. Then later we found out that she was contacting people they are mutually friends with trying to get his number.
I was friends with my most serious ex up until he got married. And i struggled with the fact that our relationship had to end at that time. But now i get it. i just cant see (for me) taking that huge step with someone else while still having someone like that in my life. There was a part of us that always lived in the past while he was a part of my life, and i just don't think I could fully immerse myself in a relationship until we cut ties. Obviously, this depends on the nature of the relationship and the breakup.
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This has been a hot topic of discussion around our home lately. Both of us are friends with our exes, and we are each okay with that. However, I know (or have been told) that this is not often a common arrangement. What do you think?