(Closed) Friends you can’t count on

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1645 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds like she had some personal issues come flying out when you told her, and that they got the better of her. She probably is trying to make up for it. But don’t hold back. This is an exciting time and you should be able to share that with those close to you.

Post # 4
Member
938 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Yes. I hate it. I especially hate the “why do you need to get married?!? What’s the rush?!?” etc etc.  My fave was when it was coming from a gal who’s been with her guy for 5 years and can’t get him to commit. No wonder she was bitter that I can at least admit I want marriage. So yes, personal issues can get in the way.

You should be able to share it. Just take everyone’s reactions with a grain of salt. Few of them really have to do with you, it’s such a loaded topic.

Post # 5
Member
375 posts
Helper bee

Eek! I’m sorry! I actually don’t have anyone to talk to either about this. (That’s why the Bee is here!) I feel like any friend that I’ve somewhat mentioned it to has either been jealous or acts like I’m ridiculous for wanting to get married (like I’m a 1950’s housewife who’s life goal is to be married).

Don’t worry! I think that when you do get engaged, your best friends will be supportive.

Post # 6
Member
2304 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Yeah I think her own emotions got the pest of her, don’t be too hard on her, but I would still limit any engagement talk with her though, atleast until it happens.

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yes. One of my best friends and I were single together for the longest time. But she was always miserable single and I was happy single. Well you can imagine when I got together with my DH she wasn’t happy. Never asked me how things were going, got mad when i already had plans with him and couldn’t go out etc. Totally unsupportive. I mean, she was a good friend in general so I can’t knock her too bad but clearly she was unhappy about me being in a relationship. She used to say things like your friend said, that I can’t get married because she’ll be alone adn all that.

Post # 8
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Some people just don’t like to talk about it. Not everyone, regardless of how close you are, want to hear about how you are just dying to get married. Example, my sister (now maid of honor) if I ever brought up wanting to be proposed to she would tell me to stop complaining just b/c she didn’t want to hear about it. It annoyed me b/c sometimes she would ask, I realized she only wanted to talk about it when SHE was in the mood for it, it didn’t mean she loved me anyless. It wasn’t out of bitterness, resentment, or anger, it was just something she found annoying, like when I get pissed at her for bringing up her obsession with random bands.

Post # 10
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Dismiss and forget.  Not worth worrying over or ruining your friendship.  She probably a little jealous and sad to think she will be left alone, etc.  Just don’t bring the subject up again. 

Post # 11
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Some people are just not happy in their life, period. She may be upset about this, but I’m sure there are MANY other things in her life that upset her too. She might just be a sour puss.

I say, since she felt bad and is trying to talk about it, talk about the small stuff, but not the big stuff with her.

Post # 12
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I can tell you what it’s like from the other side: I was a bit of a late bloomer.  Everyone got married before I did.  When my best friend got engaged five years ago, I completely freaked out on her.  Completely. Freaked.  Out.  I felt so alone, like I was going to lose her.  And it also made me feel like something was wrong with me – why couldn’t I get engaged?  Or even find a decent boyfriend?  I took out all those awful feelings on her.  She didn’t deserve it.

The good news is that I was the MOH at her wedding and we are still best friends.  I am so ashamed of how I acted back then.  I continue to apologize to this day, but she won’t hear of it.  She is such a wonderful person.  I hope that you and your friend can get through this bump in the road.  She will be happy for you, I promise.  Just take it easy on her.

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