Post # 1
A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to a dear friend of mine, in fact one of my best friends (we live in the same apartment building and went to grad school together) who I see several times a week that I told my SO that I wanted him to propose.
She had a fit! She basically said – ‘why do you need to get married, why will things be any different than they were before? I’m going to be alone’. I thought I was going to get some support because she is a good friend to both myself and SO and has been for many years. In fact, a few months earlier she had been telling me that she had been randomly asking my SO when he was going to propose. At this point I just shrugged it off because I had never really talked about these things with anyone except my mum and sis, and until a few months ago the ‘marriage itch’ hadn’t started for me. So now that it has, being the good friend that she is, I thought I should share it with her. Now I know that I should have kept my mouth shut.
I realise that perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything to her because she is a) single, and b) extremely picky and terrible with men and has never had a long term relationship (she admits this freely, I’m not being judgemental when describing her here). SO yes, she was not the best eprson to tell, but when it’s one of your best buds, you think maybe just maybe you can share some good news (not a even staight out proposal news story, but a step towards it) with them. NOPE!
So ever since the crazed fit she threw, I think she realises how inapproriate her behaviour was and is sheepishly now making kind remarks to the extend of – ‘so and so is going to do something special when he proposes….’ And I just feel massively uncomfortable and want her to drop it because it feels so contrived. So now I don’t want to talk to any of my girlfirends about the topic of marriage because I’m paranoid that they are going to react in the same manner of the friend I just described. This sucks. HAs this sort of thing happened to anyone else?
Post # 3
It sounds like she had some personal issues come flying out when you told her, and that they got the better of her. She probably is trying to make up for it. But don’t hold back. This is an exciting time and you should be able to share that with those close to you.
Post # 4
Yes. I hate it. I especially hate the “why do you need to get married?!? What’s the rush?!?” etc etc. My fave was when it was coming from a gal who’s been with her guy for 5 years and can’t get him to commit. No wonder she was bitter that I can at least admit I want marriage. So yes, personal issues can get in the way.
You should be able to share it. Just take everyone’s reactions with a grain of salt. Few of them really have to do with you, it’s such a loaded topic.
Post # 5
Eek! I’m sorry! I actually don’t have anyone to talk to either about this. (That’s why the Bee is here!) I feel like any friend that I’ve somewhat mentioned it to has either been jealous or acts like I’m ridiculous for wanting to get married (like I’m a 1950’s housewife who’s life goal is to be married).
Don’t worry! I think that when you do get engaged, your best friends will be supportive.
Post # 6
Yeah I think her own emotions got the pest of her, don’t be too hard on her, but I would still limit any engagement talk with her though, atleast until it happens.
Post # 7
Yes. One of my best friends and I were single together for the longest time. But she was always miserable single and I was happy single. Well you can imagine when I got together with my DH she wasn’t happy. Never asked me how things were going, got mad when i already had plans with him and couldn’t go out etc. Totally unsupportive. I mean, she was a good friend in general so I can’t knock her too bad but clearly she was unhappy about me being in a relationship. She used to say things like your friend said, that I can’t get married because she’ll be alone adn all that.
Post # 8
Some people just don’t like to talk about it. Not everyone, regardless of how close you are, want to hear about how you are just dying to get married. Example, my sister (now maid of honor) if I ever brought up wanting to be proposed to she would tell me to stop complaining just b/c she didn’t want to hear about it. It annoyed me b/c sometimes she would ask, I realized she only wanted to talk about it when SHE was in the mood for it, it didn’t mean she loved me anyless. It wasn’t out of bitterness, resentment, or anger, it was just something she found annoying, like when I get pissed at her for bringing up her obsession with random bands.
Post # 9
Thanks for your responses ladies. I thought I would be the only one who would have a friend like this. It’s unfortunate that people carry on like this. I have always been happy for friends that are getting married even at a time when I knew that marriage for myself wouldn’t happen for many years. And even when I secretly wished it was me getting married and having a fairy tale wedding (that I will NEVER be able to afford to have), I would still never project my discontent with my own life path onto them!
And yes, I will not be mentioning an engagement to this friend until it happens! Even then she will get the massively watered down version!
I agree, some people don’t like to talk about it, I can turn into one of them after hearing a 1/2 hours conversation about wedding favours, but I would never let anyone know I was tired of listening.
Post # 10
Dismiss and forget. Not worth worrying over or ruining your friendship. She probably a little jealous and sad to think she will be left alone, etc. Just don’t bring the subject up again.
Post # 11
Some people are just not happy in their life, period. She may be upset about this, but I’m sure there are MANY other things in her life that upset her too. She might just be a sour puss.
I say, since she felt bad and is trying to talk about it, talk about the small stuff, but not the big stuff with her.
Post # 12
I can tell you what it’s like from the other side: I was a bit of a late bloomer. Everyone got married before I did. When my best friend got engaged five years ago, I completely freaked out on her. Completely. Freaked. Out. I felt so alone, like I was going to lose her. And it also made me feel like something was wrong with me – why couldn’t I get engaged? Or even find a decent boyfriend? I took out all those awful feelings on her. She didn’t deserve it.
The good news is that I was the MOH at her wedding and we are still best friends. I am so ashamed of how I acted back then. I continue to apologize to this day, but she won’t hear of it. She is such a wonderful person. I hope that you and your friend can get through this bump in the road. She will be happy for you, I promise. Just take it easy on her.