Etiquette Snob here… lol
This sucks… and I get that
As someone who has been married & divorced, I can say that ontop of everything else that is painful, having one’s friends & family members pick sides can be devastating.
Sadly, that looks like what is going to happen here.
You are going to have to pick… or graciously accept someone’s offer to not participate
(Personally if given the latter that is the way I’d go)
She has said she’ll step aside… probably knowing full well that she has put her Ex thru H3LL it really is the more honourable thing to do.
And if she has any class at all, 5 months from now if things haven’t come to sort of tolerable solution between the two of them, she’ll also be the one that declines the Invite to your Wedding
Knowing full well that her being there, participating in a Wedding is only going to bring back memories for him that will be hard to handle.
So there you have it… You’ll be down 2 Bridesmaids.
But c’est la vie. Stuff happens… the cost of a Dress isn’t a big deal in the world where Divorce often means the loss / cost of a friendship
This may be the one way to salvage that… just means you all won’t be socializing with the 2 of them at the same time in the future… but still 100x better than when people choose sides, and the odd man out is truly devastated by the fall out
I was the odd man out in my Divorce. My Ex did everything in his power to make my life a living H3LL. Including monopolizing all our Friends… he had the money to do it, so he’d Invite them out to Dinner etc.
It was very awkward for me to find out when I reached out to someone and they’d say… “Oh you should know we have seen Jack… he took us out to Dinner last week at that fabulous new trendy place”…
Really… how nice of him. Especially considering he’s run off with all OUR / MY Money… and yet manages to you all out for a $ 500 meal.
It was horrible / painful, and humiliating to say the least. I just could not continue friendships with many of these people after that… (and he knew that would be the case, which is why the scum-bag no doubt did it… Friendships are important to me. Lol, not so much to him, after spreading OUR / MY money around the neighbourhood for a few months, of course he didn’t keep up the friendships… it was all an act… but the damage had already been done, he had put the spin on our Divorce that he wanted).
Anyhow, ya one Bridesmaid’s Dress… small price to pay.
As for the Guy… I very much get WHY he made that phone call to you / so called demand. He is hurting really really bad after what she’s done… told him. He cannot imagine himself in a Wedding with her whatsoever… hence the “Me or Her” comment.
You have to feel for the guy. This isn’t so much a demand on you as @oldmatron: sees it, but a honest cry for help. I really feel for this poor guy.
She has been terrible to him **
Good luck with this, hopefully a bit of time and things will be a bit brighter closer to your Wedding Day
(( HUGS ))
** NOTE to self as you forward with your own Wedding, make a Vow to one another, that if your feelings change you’ll have a talk about it long before one of you goes off to do the deed with someone else… it really is the RESPECTFUL thing to do. (Mr TTR & I have swore this to be our compass). People who cheat really really hurt their partners in a way that is unfathomable until you’ve actually been married… because as HIGH as the spirit is lifted for a Wedding (all that anticipation, excitement etc) coming down on the other side is the worse feeling in the entire planet. Honestly, Death is easier… cause then there is some real closure. Divorce is just a huge gaping weeping sore