- 7 years ago
- Wedding: June 2012
I am really struggling with this, and I’ve been thinking about it so much that I am beginning to feel a lot of anxiety.
I was friends with a couple in college, both of them, all four years of school. Let’s call them Girl and Boy.We were all very close and even lived together for a year.Our final yr of college, I went with Boy to pick out the ring and helped him heavily in coordinating the proposal.We have many mutual friends,but all four years of college they would tell me how they could not wait for me to be in their wedding.
About a year ago, a mutual friend called me and said, “Girl picked her wedding party! I’m in it and so is (enter long list of girls also asked)!!! Are you mad??”
I’m not dumb. I know that Girl asked our mutual friend to call and break the news that I am not in the wedding party b/c she didn’t want to do it herself. However, I said ‘congratulations!’ and never mentioned it again. HOWEVER, when I got off the phone with the friend, I began crying. I felt very letdown and hurt…and of course when I’m mid sob, my SO (now FI) walks through the door.When I told him what happened, he said he would not support me in going to this wedding if I was invited. He said he would not go and sit there knowing that they made me upset enough that he comes home on a Friday night and finds me bawling on the couch. He said he didn’t care if I went, but he would not go, because he felt that strongly about it.
I know I was probably not asked to be in the bridal party because one of the girls that was asked and I had a falling out our final year of college, and she and I no longer speak. I would have sucked it up for the sake of a friend’s wedding, but for some reason Girl chose the other girl over me…even though we were friends longer and I am friends with Girl and Boy.The other girl is just friends with Girl.
Fast foward to now, two years later. I just got the invitation in the mail, and I know in my heart that I do not want to go. I have not seen Girl or Boy in over two years, they never once said congrats on my own engagement, and I really feel as though I do not know them anymore. Occasionally, he will text me and say ‘can’t wait to see you at the wedding’!, but he never said anything as to why I am not part of it.
My FI told me last weekend he will support me in going, and he will go with me if I choose, but he still is angry that they cut me out, and doesn’t want me to feel bad all day. I have definately decided to reply ‘no’. I just do not feel comfortable going…knowing that the girl that hates me is in the bridal party and that I have not seen the couple in so long. I know that people grow apart and things change, but how can I reply ‘no’ and not give an explanation? What do I say if they contact me and ask why? I know the groom will want to know why I am not going, and I don’t have it in me to lie to them, but I also don’t have it in me to tell the truth and stirr up drama that is 2 years old. I sort of feel like I only got an invitation because I have been told I give good gifts….