friendship… No…

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012

What is it about her email makes you think she is only writing back out of obligation? I have some friends that I only see once every 6 months or sometimes only once a year. There are times when we fall out of email touch for long periods of time (one of us does not respond). I find this especially true with ex-coworker friends. It’s harder to maintain the same level of friendship after you’ve left a job, as the common bond you shared is now gone. I had a coworker friend who I saw everyday at work and we hung out at least once a week outside of work. I left that job 7 years ago, and now we only see each other once every 6 months, if that. We both still like each other and care about each other but our lives took us in different directions. I still feel fondly for her. I bet your friend does as well. Not every friend can be a “best friend”. 

Also, if this woman just found out she is pregnant or has already had the baby, she is probably super busy. My best friend recently had a baby and I’m lucky if I talk to her once a month 🙂 

I wouldn’t place such high expectations on her as a friend just yet, especially since you’ve been away from each other for a while. She has a new routine now & sometimes it’s hard to make time. You can’t just instantly jump back into BFFs/seeing each other every week. You’ll probably have to build up to that. 

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 2 months ago by  Kara001.
Post # 3
7286 posts
Busy Beekeeper

chica95110:  I think that you might have a different idea of the level of friendship you two have than she does. I think she see’s you more as an acquaintance and you see her as a friend. 

She is probably not asking for a get together out of some kind of obligation but more that she prioritises other things above you her acquaintance. So when she has time to catch up she does.

There are different kinds of friendships and different levels of friendship. But I think that you need to expand your horizons. Pinning all your friendships on one person is not healthy, especially when they are not as invested as you.

Join a club, join a gym. go volunteer and make some more friends is the only advice I have for you.

Post # 4
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with PPs, you’re looking at friendship differently than she is

Not every friend you have has to be your best friend. I have quite a few friends that I only see/hang out with maybe twice a year, but it doesnt mean we arent friends or that I want to cut off the friendship with them, thats just what our friendship is. Sometimes its just nice to hang out with someone different, dont put all your eggs in this girls basket though, try and meet other people to be friends with, just dont cut this girl off just because you arent hanginging out every week.

Post # 6
44 posts
  • Wedding: June 2012


If there are so few people you can connect with in the country where you are living, what do you have to lose by going? I feel like I’d be even more eager to give this person a chance and meet up with her. You have no idea what was going on in her life the past few months. Isn’t it better to have a friend you see every 3 months vs having no friends at all? 

My husband and I have been living/traveling abroad for 16 months, so I get feeling socially lonely. Whenever anyone asks us to hang out, we’re so excited, like “yay we have a friend date!”. We try to live by the “never turn down an invitation” motto. This is a good article about it here:

I feel like you are shutting things down before they even have a chance to begin. This girl may be just an acquaintance now, but it could evolve into friendship. Likewise, she may be able to introduce you to other people down the line. It’s obviously your choice, but I would really suggest keeping yourself open, especially when living abroad. Things will naturally come to you this way.  

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