Friendship on the rocks or stressed bride?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
50 posts
Worker bee

SapphireBlu:  I can understand that you are feeling anxious because you have some unanswered questions about your friendship. It sounds like you are questioning whether this friendship is worth your further investment, and that’s not always easy to figure out when you are getting mixed signals.

It sounds like you two were close at one point to have her in your wedding two years ago, but now she seems to be passive aggressive about her wedding. You’ll hear from other bees that bridesmaid duty is not one that has to be reciprocated, but I will agree with you that it is rather strange she’s not sharing wedding details with you directly when you have been open to her. 

You didn’t list money as your reason for not going destination, only being unsure who you will know. To me,  that indicates that you can go if you wanted,  but something is giving you reservations.  Had the friendship felt stronger to you,  I’m sure who you know wouldn’t seem as big as a hesitation for a friend.  Just pointing it out, not judging you negatively for it.  So my advice is to stick with your idea of attending the ceremony at home and decide on her actions from now on whether a deeper investment is worth it. Proceed with caution 🙂

Post # 3
Member
7203 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

SapphireBlu:  Sometimes it’s not always obvious how close other people are. It is clear that the bride feels closer than the other two girls in your “group of 4”. It’s hard to know why, but I’m guessing she spends more time with them than you realise. 

Apart from ignoring your message, the bride is doing nothing wrong. She has chosen her bridesmaids, and is sharing wedding details mostly with them. You’re not a bridesmaid so she might feel it’s inapproriate to share too much of her wedding with you.

There’s nothing wrong with you not attending her destination wedding. A DW is very expensive to attend, so the bride should expect that many people can’t make it. Vacation time and money is precious, you can’t be expected to spend it on someone else’s wedding. And this is doubly true when it’s not a wedding anyway. (As I understand it, town hall is the legal wedding and the DW is just a celebration). Decline the DW with a clear conscience. If pressed, simply say you’ve only got so much vacation time/money.

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