Post # 1
I have been friends with this person since junior high (we’re both almost 30 years old now). Things have been turning a little stale eversince her fiance proposed. I was extremely excited for her and within the first week, offered to go dress shopping and all the other things that friends do as your prep for a wedding.
However the following month she announces that she’s going to have 2 weddings (townhall and destination) and that out of our close knit group of 4, only the two other friends were chosen to stand up with her as part of the wedding party. Since then, she’s only been sharing all her wedding shopping and organising news with them. Sometimes I feel I’m getting the news second-hand from the other girls when they send me dress photos. As of this month, when I email or message her to get updates or just talk everyday gossip, she has stopped replying.
I’m actually seriously contemplating not going to the destination wedding due to how our relationship is going at this stage. When I message or email to meet up one-on-one, its radio silence. Yet last week when we met as a group she seemed fine.
Also I admit I feel like I have a backup excuse – of all the guests, I only know the other bridesmaids’ husbands and one other couple. I feel I don’t need to spend thousands to travel overseas to see her marry a second time when she is also inviting us to a small casual ceremony at the local town hall.
I understand how stressful weddings can be (I married 2 years ago and she was one of my bridesmaids), but I don’t know what’s going on at this stage. Am I overthinking? Any advice how I should approach her about this?
Post # 2
SapphireBlu: I can understand that you are feeling anxious because you have some unanswered questions about your friendship. It sounds like you are questioning whether this friendship is worth your further investment, and that’s not always easy to figure out when you are getting mixed signals.
It sounds like you two were close at one point to have her in your wedding two years ago, but now she seems to be passive aggressive about her wedding. You’ll hear from other bees that bridesmaid duty is not one that has to be reciprocated, but I will agree with you that it is rather strange she’s not sharing wedding details with you directly when you have been open to her.
You didn’t list money as your reason for not going destination, only being unsure who you will know. To me, that indicates that you can go if you wanted, but something is giving you reservations. Had the friendship felt stronger to you, I’m sure who you know wouldn’t seem as big as a hesitation for a friend. Just pointing it out, not judging you negatively for it. So my advice is to stick with your idea of attending the ceremony at home and decide on her actions from now on whether a deeper investment is worth it. Proceed with caution 🙂
Post # 3
SapphireBlu: Sometimes it’s not always obvious how close other people are. It is clear that the bride feels closer than the other two girls in your “group of 4”. It’s hard to know why, but I’m guessing she spends more time with them than you realise.
Apart from ignoring your message, the bride is doing nothing wrong. She has chosen her bridesmaids, and is sharing wedding details mostly with them. You’re not a bridesmaid so she might feel it’s inapproriate to share too much of her wedding with you.
There’s nothing wrong with you not attending her destination wedding. A DW is very expensive to attend, so the bride should expect that many people can’t make it. Vacation time and money is precious, you can’t be expected to spend it on someone else’s wedding. And this is doubly true when it’s not a wedding anyway. (As I understand it, town hall is the legal wedding and the DW is just a celebration). Decline the DW with a clear conscience. If pressed, simply say you’ve only got so much vacation time/money.