- 3 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I need your help and guidance on the typical topic of bridesmaids drama. Well, in this case the fact that I didn’t ask my friend Jess to be my bridesmaid.
I know this happens quite often but I never thought this would happen to me. First of all a bit of background info:
Me and Jess have known each other since high school and I didn’t like her at all. We sat next to each other in class but we were never friends during that time. I found her very rude, opiniated and too sarcastic for me to strike some sort of friendship with her. Fast forward quite a few years, in my early 20s, she popped up in my friend’s circle through a mutual friend, Ruby. Now, me and Ruby also go way back since high school and she’s been always there for me so I made her a bridesmaid, no questions asked.
Jess is one of those that friends you wouldn’t have chosen naturally as a friend but cos she’s best friends with Ruby, I just accepted her in our social circle. In that circle there was also my maid of honour, Emma, whom I also know from my school days. Emma and Ruby used to live together and were very close but they had fallen out for three years now. we stopped hanging out as a foursome and I was stuck in the middle. I tried to invite them for a get together but only Emma and Jess turned. Jess was being really awkward and had a go at me for inviting Emma, fed this back to Ruby and caused a bit of tension between me and Ruby. I’m still pissed off and wasn’t neccessary!
So anyway when I asked Ruby to be my bm, she accepted and pressured me to make her best friend Jess a bm too. I explained I couldn’t afford it and wasn’t close enough to Jess to warrant that. I wasn’t prepared to get into debt to make someone a bm when saw her only once a year (we didn’t even text or call each other cos we’re not that close, she also lived 4/5 hours away). There was no other role for her in the wedding, it’s been tradition for dads to be the witness. Why would I want to upset him and break the tradition. I was going to invite Jess as a day guest to our small intimate wedding of 40. I had to argue to keep two spots for her and her SO by not inviting some of my family but that wasn’t enough for her.
I got forced by Ruby to tell Jess that she didn’t make the cut in the bridal party but it obviously didn’t go down well and she stopped speaking to me. She definitely made it clear she was hurt and very disappointed and questioned why Ruby was a bm and not her. I didn’t want to justify my choice and just told her that I still wanted to invite to the wedding. Three months had passed until she got back to me wanting to talk about what happened. I was very stressed about that and didn’t want to think about it for another second so I declined. She brought it up again how disappointed she was with me.
I still feel sadness for the way it happened and I just want a small, drama-free wedding where I can choose my best friends as bms and not being forced to pick someone I don’t feel close to. I know I have two choices, either make up or break up. I know she’ll give me a hard time about this whole thing again and she’ll call me a bridezilla and control freak again (She calls me things like that as a joke, but I am quite hurt by that).
Me and FI work hard to be able to afford this wedding as we’re paying for it ourselves and I feel like she doesn’t even appreciate that she will be one of only 40 people in this wedding. But that wasn’t enough for her. We’ve cut a lot off and we’re making things ourselves to save money. People like her make me feel like just sacking the wedding off and just elope.
She wants to meet up, I don’t really want to. It’s been nearly 6 months since she had fallen out with me. Should I be honest with her and say that I don’t want to be friends with her anymore? What would you do?