Friendship over cos I didn't ask friend to be a bm

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I would at least meet up with her and hear her out. Perhaps in 6 months shes had time to think about it and maybe wants to apologize?

If thats not the case then yeah, I would cut ties. I probably wouldnt even tell her that I didnt want to be her friend, I’d just drift away

Post # 3
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

Be honest with her. There’s no point in lying or dating something to make someone happy. Ever. It doesn’t help anyone.

Post # 4
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

One of my friends before I was even engaged said she expected to be bridesmaid. So when I did become engaged, I felt obliged to ask her. Now she puts a damper on everything and doesnt make me feel great when planning, she doesnt show up to anything and i’m now having to consider cutting her from the wedding altogether. I advise you to be honest and open, and firm. Do what YOU want, not what others think you should do. 

Post # 7
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee

Why do you call her friend? By what you have written, she’s merely friend of your friends, and it doesn’t make you obligated to be close to her.

Post # 8
Member
2496 posts
Buzzing bee

I’d be unavailable to meet up.

Post # 9
Member
6550 posts
Bee Keeper

“I got forced by Ruby to tell Jess that she didn’t make the cut in the bridal party but it obviously didn’t go down well and she stopped speaking to me. She definitely made it clear she was hurt and very disappointed.”

Actually, this was a major faux pas on your end. An invitation is always inclusive, not exclusive. You don’t tell someone  that they are not invited to something, including being  a bridesmaid.  I don’t see how or why you could be “forced” against your will to do this.

Although I suspect  she would have been offended either way, Jess had every right to be upset and embarrassed by the way you handled this.That’s the part for which you owe her an apology, not for your choice in BMs. 

Post # 10
Member
38 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2015

However you bungled the disinvitation to be bridesmaid (and I must say Ruby sounds pretty messed up in this situation), by this time Jess should have let it go. If she wants to get together with you, go ahead, but if she just wants to lecture/fight with you, I don’t see why you have to indulge that. It’s a day of standing in pictures with a couple parties ahead of time. It’s not worth fretting over for months.

Post # 11
Member
3630 posts
Sugar bee

MissRustic:  If you’re not expecting an apology, I’d guess you’re just going to get more name-calling and verbal abuse from her. There’s no way I’d meet-up with her, or even invite her to an intimate 40 person wedding.  She seems like the type to create drama over anything, including being a guest.

Let her and the friendship go – ASAP – for your own well-being.

Post # 14
Member
41816 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

MissRustic:  You have never considered this woman a friend, merely a friend of a friend. You see her about once a year. Why are you letting her push your buttons like this?

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