Post # 1
My SO and I are having a housewarming party next month and I have invited a friend of mine, she has asked me if she can bring a +1 since I’m the only person she will know at the party.. (she hasn’t even met SO yet after nearly 3 years of friendship)
Normally I would not care but over the years when she has invited me to things such as “girls nights” I agree and go alone and have never even thought to ask if I can bring someone (even though I know none of her friends!) and on many of the supposed “girls nights” the girls boyfriends/husbands were there so I could have taken my SO along to keep me company while I was somewhat ignored during these events. For me to go alone somewhere where I know no one is a big thing, I’m usually pretty shy in situations where I don’t know anyone..
This is the second time she has been invited to something of ours and asked to bring someone (the first time the plans fell through and we never ended up having the party)
I am obviously going to tell her yes she can bring a +1 but I’m just feeling a little peeved that I suck it up everytime she has something and go alone leaving my SO at home when I know full well there will probably be other guys there but she asks to bring a friend!
Also she is naturally a very confident person and extremely social so I don’t think it’s just her being “shy”..
ok I know before I even post this that people will probably tell me that I’m overreacting but it’s just really got me frustrated for some reason… Ugh!
Ok, rant over 🙂
ETA: Normally we just hang out the two of us going for coffee, movies etc.. or hang out with her friends, SO and I don’t normally have parties/group gatherings which is why the two of them have never met.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I just don’t understand why on earth you would ration +1s for a housewarming party?!? It’s not like it’s a $100 a head wedding reception, unless your housewarming parties are way different than all the others I’ve been to. If she doesn’t know a single one of your friends OR your SO… you really think it’s cool to make her come alone to a party full of strangers? o_O
Post # 5
I can see why you’re upset, it feels like a double standard. I’m glad you’re not going to say anything because it isn’t that big of a deal but still does suck a bit. Next time she invites you somewhere ask if you can bring your SO, if she says its just girls then tell her last time it was supposed to be but guys were there and you felt uncomfortable. She probably doesn’t realize this upset you so don’t bring it up now but wait until she invites you to something. If she says you can’t bring him then politly decline and hang out with her another day, just don’t let this get in the way of your friendship, especially if this the only issue.
Post # 6
@lolot: No I don’t think it’s cool but if you read my post above again you will see that I said “I am obviously going to tell her yes she can bring a +1” the reason I am annoyed is because I have been to many things of hers that I knew absolutley NOONE but her and she expected me to mingle with complete strangers, I did not ask to bring a +1 because she invited me and never mentioned anyone else being invited.. not even my SO of 5+ years.
@alyssaC: Thank you, I think I will do that next time and see how I go, you’re right, I won’t let it ruin my friendship as it’s not that big of a deal I do just feel like my SO has been excluded from her invitations only to find out other peoples SO’s are there. She is single so she doesn’t have a SO I could invite but if she were in a relationship I would invite her SO everytime unless it really was just a girls thing!
Post # 7
@letsbeefriends: You didn’t ask to bring someone, she did. Why are you upset at her for doing something you didn’t do? You had every opportunity to do the same, but chose not to. Chances are, if you had asked, she would have said “No problem.”
Having personal experience being with a group of people you didn’t know, I would think you would have some empathy for her situation.
Post # 8
@julies1949: I do have some empathy for her situation which is why I’m going to tell her it is ok to bring a friend, I just find it frustrating that she invites me (and only me) to things knowing there with be other couples there and I leave my SO at home thinking it’s a girls night. One of the reason’s I’ve never asked to bring a +1 to any of her gatherings is because I find inviting someone into her home that she has never met seems presumptuous.
Post # 9
@letsbeefriends: this is a classic case of the squeaky wheel getting the oil. You didn’t want to go alone to her parties but didn’t make it known and suffered for it. She asked to bring someone so she didn’t suffer the same fate. I don’t think it’s terribly fair to be angry at her for asking for something totally normal. In the future you know you are totally welcome to ask if you can bring someone to her gatherings.
Post # 10
Why don’t you just ask to bring a plus one next time if you want to take your FI with you? If you are uncomfortable going alone I don’t know why you haven’t done that before. She’s not being at all unreasonable.
If you had asked to bring your FI to her get togethers and she had said no, but then expected to be able to bring a random +1 to your house warming, then I could see why you’d be mad. As it is though, I think it’s silly for you to be mad at her for not extending you a +1, especially when you did the same thing to her. She asked to bring a guest, you did not. She probably never even knew you’d like to bring him.
Post # 11
@letsbeefriends: i understand what you are saying but look at it this way. You don’t ask, you don’t get. You never asked if you could bring someone along, so you were never given the opportunity. Because you never made a big deal about it she probably just asumed you were happy to fly solo. Its not her fault she has bothered to ask. Next time, if you don’t want to go solo just tell your friend.
Post # 12
@letsbeefriends: so why don’t you introduce them? I’m assuming she’s not a mind reader – she might not have known you wanted to bring SO.
I find it more odd that your good friend and your SO haven’t met in three years. Maybe she assumes you aren’t serious about your SO since you havent introduced him / brought him around? If you aren’t serious, why should she extend an invitation? Just a hypothetical to think about.
Discuss your thoughts and feelings – I’m sure she’d be happy to include your SO if it makes you happy!