(Closed) Friendship to relationship?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

When I was 16 I met my now FI.  We worked together and over the years, slowly became very good friends.  My best friend, he, and I hung out together all the time.  We were friends for 5 years before we both admitted to having feelings for each other.  It was about 4 months after the feelings were out there that we officially started dating.  Things very slowly progressed through those four months wear we transitioned from friends to dating.  It took us forever to even kiss! ( I think we both knew once we got physical there was no going back).  

We are now engaged so obviously things worked out really well for us.  I think the benefit of friends first is that we both knew exactly what we were getting into.  It took us both some time and a lot of serious conversations early on that we really wanted to go for it, I mean, afterall, our friendship was on the line if things didn’t work out.

If he just got out of a serious relationship I would definitely give him time.  Things like this can be tricky and you don’t want to jump in too soon.  Give yourselves time to think about it and discuss it.  Talk about what would happen if it didn’t work out between you.  For now just continue to be his friend and see where things go.  Good luck!

Post # 3
2229 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

NK2012: FI and I were really close friends before we started dating, so it definitely CAN work out. However, neither of us went into the friendship hoping it would turn into something romantic…that just happened on its own.

If you like this person and want to spend time with them in a platonic, friendly way, then I say strike up a friendship. Just don’t expect anything and don’t go into it hoping it’ll evolve. He’s made it clear he’s not ready; you need to respect that. At the same time, if you like him, he’ll probably make a good friend, so go for it!

Post # 4
1251 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012 - Chateau Briand

DH and I started off as friends; we were friends for 2+ years before we started dating. I definitely think it can work out for you buuuuut as he stated he’s not ready to date I wouldn’t necessarily wait for him. I guess my advice would be don’t necessarily turn down people bc of him; if it’s meant to be you will be “available” if/when he’s ready to date again but there is no need to force the situation. 

Post # 5
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

FI and I were friends and it turned into a relationship. It can definitely happen. I was in a (terrible) relationship when I met him, that ended, and we remained friends for awhile and it ended up evolving into more. 

Just don’t force it, that’s my only advice. 

Post # 6
462 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

My SO and I were good friends from ages 13-16 before it developed into a relationship. Not quite the adult situation you’re probably looking for, but like PP said, don’t force it. Things will either work out naturally or nothing will come to fruitition. You can’t push a relationship, platonic or otherwise, to develop if it’s not ready. 

Post # 7
5892 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

NK2012:  It can work, but don’t become ‘friends with benefits’. He either wants to respect you and be your boyfriend or he stays a friend. I’ve seen friends become more. I’ve very, very, very rarely seen FWB become more.

Post # 8
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

NK2012:  DH and I were best friends for about 2 years before we started dating. Well, he wanted to date me sooner but I was so worried about ruining our friendship that I turned him down. We stayed bffs, and it took a family vacation away to make me realize how much I missed him and wanted to be more than friends. We’ve been together over 12 years now.

I agree with pp that if he isn’t ready to start dating now then don’t try and rush/force anything. If it’s meant to happen it will 🙂

Post # 10
5587 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2010

I was going through a nasty divorce from my abusive ex when I met dh.  I was only interested in friendship.  He considered us to be dating, but I didn’t know that at the time.  He knew my situation & didn’t rush me.

I was seeing another guy at the time who was definitely in the friend zone.  He too thought we were a couple–he was more assertive, but not pushy about it.  He turned out to have too many issues to be a good risk.

Dh kept up his nice, old fashioned courtship for 8 mos before things turned romantic for me.  

Our relationship evolved very slowly, based on mutual values & interests.  We developed a strong friendship that eventually turned into more.  I really like that it happened that way.  This is the most secure I’ve ever felt in a relationship.

Post # 11
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I waited around for a friend to get his act together and be ready for a relationship.  I got frustrated and disappointed (and did that crazy thing where women ask their friends to analyze his texts) and it wasn’t helping me be my best self, so I decided to cut off contact and met DH 3 months later.  

I personally think that men can hang around a woman and wait until she finally comes around, but I don’t think that approach works for women because men don’t find that behaviour attractive.  If you can truly just be friends that’s great, but a friendship that has an ulterior motive is not fair to anybody and is not a real friendship.  

Post # 12
514 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

NK2012:  I met my husband in 2004 when were 17. We were best friends for two years before we even thought about actually dating. (Got a little tipsy, kissed, and then we were like O.O I KISSED MY BEST FRIEND.) It worked really well for us because we were actuallky KNEW each other by the time we started dating. I know sometimes it doesn’t work, but I’m here to tell you that it can!

Post # 14
295 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

DH and I met at the gym, and were just friends for the first few months. We hung out all the time after we worked out, but *I* wasn’t interested in being more than just friends. He was very interested but I wasn’t ready, because I had just gotten out of a relationship and wanted some time. He stayed persistant, we hung out all the time just as friends. 3 months later he talked me into just jumping into it and giving it a try. What did I have to lose? nothing. so I was like “sure, okay”. Then I entered into the best relationship of my life. He was someone I genuinely liked as a person (friends first), and then a switch turned and I became soo physically attracted to him. It was nice because he had to “work” for me, I guess. It showed that he really was willing to pursue me for a signficant amount of time, which I really appreciated. He wasn’t just looking for a girlfriend, he wanted ME, and was willing to do anything to make that happen.

2 months after we started dating, he proposed and we got married 4 months after that. This months marks the 1 year mark to when we first met….and we’ve now been married for 3 months. Wow. haha. 

Post # 15
438 posts
Helper bee

I was extremely close (essentially best) friends with a guy for 10 years through university and after. After I got out of a serious relationship, he happened to also be single. We got  flirty over a few months and yadda yadda and he got really attached.  Because of the years we spent together (on and off roommates as well!) we were so close and loved each other without question. I should mention that I explicitly told him that I was in no way looking for a commitment – we lived on opposite sides of the country and literally flew out to chill in person once in all of this. (Not out of the ordinary for us) 

BUT when he started getting more “relationshippy” and i again told him that I wasn’t ready for anything, he was so upset And heartbroken. We should have never taken it to that level without seriously talkingit out and making sure we were both on the same page. It actually completely ruined an amazing friendship – we don’t even talk anymore 🙁 

It sounds like you may be in store for some hurt. Just be careful – he may not be ready.  

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