(Closed) Friendships and Relationships and Too Much Time Together

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

No you don’t have to do everything together. Maybe when he hangs out with his friends you can hang out with yours? That’s what my grandparents did. My grandpa was perfectly fine just reading a book or watching his tv shows when my grandma went out. 

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think it depends on the couple. It seems like you guys have wildy different ideas about friendships and other things. Perhaps talking it out and having yoru space when you need it.

I do think having mutal friends is fun. However I been on the other end of this when someone gets married and all of a sudden they only hanging with other married folks or can’t go anywhere without their spouse. I plan on keeping my friends and going to dinner, voulenteering, book club, working out together. I am going to make a move and I have fewer friends where Fi lives but I still want develop my own group of friends. I think too much togetherness would drive me bonkers.

I also don’t feel the need to attached at the hip, I can watch televisoin alone, although I had some friends say hat how you get quality time with your spouse. I rather get good quality time taking a walk together, or having lunch or dinner, or just hanging out and talking at home, all things that have us actually engaging with each other rather then just sitting together in the same room. Rather then doing everything together all the time. Some people like it I don’t and it would stifle me fairly quickly.

Post # 6
Member
11328 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think every couple just needs to figure out what works for them. There is no right way or wrong way or “normal” IMO. Most importantly I think you and your husband just need to come to an agreement about relationships outside the marriage. It seems reasonable to me that you want to have your time alone/with your friends and maybe even do weekends away (girls only, I assume!) but if that is important to you— he needs to understand that and agree to it so it isn’t a sore point in the future. 

For us personally, we do *mostly* hang out together but that is just our preference. We really like having couple friends that we can do dinners with and play games with and sometimes even vacation with. But, my husband plays basketball with his guys every week and I go shopping with my friends whenever I feel like it. There is never any guilt about having a boys’ night or girls’ night… even though our preference is to do that once/week or less.

Post # 10
Member
11328 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@Paiger8:  It tooootally varies for us. From day to day or week to week. I would highly recommend a “man cave” if you are able to have one. We have 2 living rooms in our house basically, so the “great room” is decorated by me and has a tv and blu ray player in it. Then the man cave has another (bigger) tv and all of our movies and gaming systems and is decorated by my husband. When we first moved in together, we had a little bit of trouble finding a rythem. We were both trying not to smother each other and didn’t realize it… so we spent a lot of time apart. I’d say maybe 3 nights/week we’d hang out together and 4 nights/week we wouldn’t. We would always eat dinner together, but then my husband would hang in the man cave and I’d go to the great room. We like different tv, plus my husband likes his games. 

After a while, I told him how I kind of felt like I had to be invited to the man cave, so as not to intrude, and he told me i was being stupid haha. Now we are just SUPER honest with each other. If he feels like watching something he knows I’m going to hate he just tells me: I’m going to watch this/play this game/do this so you might want to go upstairs (although sometimes I stay down here if I only plan to be on the computer or read a book or something). Also sometimes I tell him I just need a night to myself and I’ll go watch tv upstairs or take a bath or wahtever. We do actually spend most nights together now, but mostly bc I am more of an online person and he is more of a tv person, so a lot of times I don’t care that I don’t like what he is watching bc there is nothing I’d rather watch and I’m just cruising WB and pinterest anyways 🙂 

But to summarize: having separate spaces that are kind of “yours” helps and being very honest about wanting a little alone time makes for happy 🙂

Post # 11
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Just wondering what is the appeal of specifically having couple friends? Why not make friends based on who you get along with whether they be paired up or single? I was single for most of life and am in a LDR so still functional socially as a single person, and it stings when being excluded from social events because it’s a “couples” thing…especially when I actually like my friend’s BFs/husbands and get along with them.

Post # 12
Member
11328 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

@worldtraveler:  It’s not like either of us have ditched friends that are single just because we got married. But we’re at a time of our life where more of our friends are coupling up, so we then will sometimes hang out with previous friend + significant other. It is fun because then you get to hang out with your friend and your s/o…. and a lot of times your husband and your friend’s husband hits it off and bam— new friend! Plus, usually it is different stuff that you’re doing. I never had games nights with just girls (although I knew some people do)… whenever we have girls nights they are just movies, nails, wine, and dishing on life. Whenever we have couples nights we play games which is really fun. 

Post # 13
Member
1406 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I think it depends on the couple.  My ex-H and I had seperate friends and LIKED to be apart from each other.  We’d get on each others’ nerves if we were together for too long.  BUT, DH and I were friends first so it’s a given between us that if one of us likes something chances are the other one will too. 

There are many a nights where he’s on the computer doing stuff while watching tv and I’m in our loft office (overlooking the tv room) on the computer.  As for nights out without each other, we’ve been overseas our entire relationship so MOST of the people we know are MARRIED couples with kids.  He works with some single people (late teens/early 20s) but we aren’t into the same things they are so we rarely hang out with them.  But then again, we don’t have kids so we rarely hang out with the married folk either….unless we go to an “adults only” event. 

 

Post # 14
Member
967 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My FI and I have had this conversation…we’ve been together 9 years and we feel the reason WHY we’ve already been together for so long is because we do do things seperately…..I don’t think I could handle being with him all the time…..when he takes  “staycay” and we’re together more often he drives me nuts cause he gets bored…..

We have very different hobbies….and I’m able to just veg and relax for long periods of time….he can’t, he needs to do stuff….

I think it does depend on the couple….my parents do everything together…..I don’t know how they do it!  My sister and her FI do most things together as well…..

I am a very independent person and need my space…..

my MOH is very similar to me, but her husband is very very clingy and wants to be with her all the time….it drives her batty….and has cause many issues within their marriage…..

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