(Closed) Friends…..sigh – long!

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Awww all I can do is offer a big virtual hug…  I’m in a similar situation, and its mightly lonely!  I think its just a part of getting older, everyone seems to go their own way and follow their own paths.  I cant really offer advice to you, as I was the one in my circle who took off on my own, and while my friends and I still keep in contact, the physical distance was and still is just too much.  I’m looking forward to what others have to say on this subject…

Post # 4
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I feel like I always lose my friends when they date serious men and get engaged….some fall off the face of the earth until they break up, then it’s all about the girls again. It’s a cycle. I still love them dearly, but it’s obvious friends aren’t that high on their priority list anymore, especially when they go from dating to engaged. Having a FI myself, it kind of stings. I KNOW i want friends in 20 years, not just my soon-to-be-hubby. He can’t be my EVERYTHING. I still need girlfriends in my life, and I make it a point to prioritize my friends, too! Sometimes, I tell my FI no to a Friday night out. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Is it possible they started pulling back b/c you spent so much time with your SO? Or that all you did was talk about him and how great he is? I find this a big turn off with my friends. I listen for awhile…and then I go "ok enough already, he’s fabulous. Let’s talk about something else". 

Just throwing it out there….not sure how far off base I am and I don’t want to upset you with this, I can just see this being a perspective. You definitely will be seeing yoiur FI’s sister a lot more. Maybe you will become closer after the marriage and you literally see her way more often and she grows up. You don’t necessarily want a negative influence in your life, either. 

But, you did say that in the past COUPLE OF YEARS you’ve only been out like 3 times with people other than your FI, family, and MOH. So I think it’s a two way street. They’re pulling back and you are too even if you all don’t realize it. If you want to keep your friends then you have to start making an effort to do things that fit both your personalities. Good luck, I can appreciate the tough situation you’re in and I hope you aren’t upset by anything I said.  

Post # 5
Member
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I went through the same thing not to long ago myself. I think it is the fact that the older we get the more it turns into a family life style, marriage,kids,house buying,pets ect it is a normal track in everyones life and i and my friends are going through it now. It will take time to reconnect but it will eventually happen as our lives settle down. I love the fact that i can go weeks without talking to my friends and pick up the phone like a day hasn’t passed. Hugs i hope you can breath knowing its normal to think this way. Plus hey we are all here if you need company 😉

Post # 7
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Ok, whew! I know it’s touchy with friends, and I didn’t want you to think I was ragging on you for being a bad friend.

Needles to say, I cannot blame you for not wanting to hang out with a bia. Maybe just give it some time or keep it to like, low-key safe things, like lunch instead of shopping. I know i gossip a lot more when i’m just walking around the mall with my girls as opposed to a nice morning lunch or something. Yeah, no girl wants to hear about her brother like that, ick! 

I hear ya though…i still have some single friends and sometimes I think they think i’m "no fun" because i’m not single anymore. Suddenly the "hey we’re going to a bar, come with us!" calls stopped, even though my FI lives in another state and I’ve reiterated multiple times that I’d like to go out with them. 

 

Post # 8
Member
108 posts
Blushing bee

Chantellamus– BIG HUGS!!  I’m sorry you are feeling so distressed by this situation.  I know the feeling of drifting away from a friend, and it really stinks.  My advice is to think of your friendships like you think of your relationship with your FI— it takes effort and hard work to stay connected.  I’m a homebody too, but I force myself to contact my friends and schedule ‘girl dates’, even when I don’t feel up to it.  Be creative and invite them on outings that don’t include bars and drinks.  Play bingo, go bowling, hit the mall, movies, whatever!  Also, don’t forget about social networking (if you’re into it) as a way to keep in the loop with each other’s lives.  After making this effort, if you still don’t feel closer, then maybe you guys just are drifting in different directions– but at least you won’t have any regrets.  Wishing you tons of good luck!

 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

{{{Hugs}}} It sounds like you feel lonely. 🙁 I’m sorry, that’s rough.

You mentioned your jetsetter friend does a lot of classes, etc. Maybe you can find one you would want to do together, like a book club, knitting group, dance class, rockclimbing (^_^)…maybe finding common ground again with a structured and recurring event will help kickstart your friendship again. If nothing else, it will get you out and trying new things and maybe meeting new people!

Best of luck. I hope it works out. ^_^

Post # 10
Member
7 posts
Newbee

hi there! I am in the same situation as you are. Although I still have friends around no one ever calls me anymore and yea they are the kind of people who dont ever call people bc they think they should be called to hang out with. So im there with you. This is also one of the reasons I will probably not have a bridal shower. I will have a bachelorette party but honestly it almost doesnt feel real. I feel like they do it bc they have to. Anyway i agree that maybe you can do social networking. Go to http://www.meetup.com and meet with people who share your same interests. IS your FI going through the same thing with his friends? For me, I just look at it as a part of life. People used to say boys come and go but friends are forever..but it doesnt really apply anymore. As you grow older it IS all about family and how to better ur life with your FI.

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