(Closed) From a Bridesmaid, shoe advice!!! Is this unreasonable?

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@bee2be:Wow – that is alot of money!  I think sometimes people get caught up in their weddings and dont realize that they are costing their favorite people alot of money!  Of course when you accept the honor to be in someones wedding, you take on that expense but that seems a little outrageous.  $400 for a BM dress is very high – my dresses were $220 with tax and I felt bad having my girls pay that – Im covering their hair and make up and letting them wear the shoes of their choice, with the only stipulation being that they are black, patent leather and peep toe. 

I would maybe politely bring it to her attention that you want to do whatever she wants to do because its her day, but the pricing is getting a little excessive.  Are the dresses long?  Maybe you could suggest that they wont really be seen and maybe she can just specify a specific color?  Have you tried talking to any of the other maids?  Are they feeling the same way?  You should def. say something – she shouldnt expect everyone to spend that much.  Its a special day – but its only 1 day – no sense in everyone going broke over it.

Hang in there!  You are def. not out of line.

Post # 4
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Honestly, I would ask her if she would be willing to go with a lower heel, if that is something that is really important to you. By agreeing to pay $400.00 for your dress and another $150.00 for hair and makeup, she is probably thinking that another $100.00 is just a drop in the bucket. I can understand that she is going for a certain look. I am also going for a certain look, but I am paying for everything for my girls, so they don’t really have any say. I did, however, keep their heels to no higher than 3 1/2″ because neither one of them is used to wearing heels. I also suggest that if you have to wear the heels she has chosen for you that you practice wearing them prior to her wedding. It will make a big difference in how you carry yourself on her day.

Post # 5
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

i’d say something or recommend a similiar pair from another website.  my cousin did this to us, and we DIDNT EVEN END UP WEARING THE SHOES!  we ended up going barefoot because the shoes were so horrible.

say something, if not, give it up – if you don’t say something now you won’t be able to bring it up later.

Post # 6
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I’d let her know that you’re not really a heels kind of girl and you’re worried you’ll look like an idiot wobbling down the aisle. That way, you’re putting the blame on yourself rather than calling her on the excessive cost/matchy matchiness of it (which might make it go down better). Hopefully she won’t want you looking like that, and will make a different decision. If you must wear the heels for the ceremony, practise like noritake said and see if she will let you change for the reception so you can at least dance 🙂

Post # 8
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would be honest that you’re worried about the heels.  I wore 4″ heels at my wedding, and they were by no means comfortable, and I’m an everyday 3.5″ wearer.  I’m sure the last thing she would want is to have you wobbling down the aisle. 

And I’m curious what dress she’s picked.  $400 is a LOT of money for a bridesmaid’s dress.

Post # 10
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

“She just said its expensive to be in someone’s wedding and start saving basically.”

Nice.

BTW, if she’s requiring you to have pro hair & makeup, she should be paying for it. Especially if she’s making you spend $500 on a dress and shoes! I’m spending less than that on my OWN dress.

Post # 12
Member
3219 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

You are deff not being unreasonable. She is being unreasonable, I wouldnt ever expect someone to pay $400 TOTAL to be in my wedding forget just for a dress! She SHOULD be paying for the BM’s hair and make up because she is requiring it.

Are the dresses long or short? I would say as long as all the girls have the same color & material on shoes that should be all that matters.

Post # 13
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2000

Wow…i would say something to her. That is way too much money to ask from Bridesmaids. I agree, since she is requiring for your hair to be done, she should be paying for it.

Post # 14
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d definitely say something to her. Just because she’s comfortable and can walk in 4″ heels doesn’t mean everyone in her wedding party will be. Tell her you’re worried about tripping down the aisle, plus NOTHING looks worse than someone who can’t walk in their heels.

I’d say find something similar in a lower heel and come to her with a solution when you tell her that you can’t wear those.

If all else fails tell if you have shin-splints and your doc says you absolutely can’t wear them 🙂

Post # 15
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Everyone has given really good advice on here! BUT if your going to confront her about it i would say ALL of the bridemaids need to do it, not just you. If your the only one that stands up and says something she may think your just being difficult and blow you off. All of the BM need to give her their opinions so she’ll know all of you feel this way. Good luck!

Post # 16
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Maybe you could phrase it as something like, “I’ll be sure and bring my flip flops for the reception if we’re going to wear heels like that! I don’t think my feet will last in such high heels for much beyond the ceremony and photos!”

Kind of manipulative, but if she realizes that the shoes aren’t wearable, maybe she’ll pick a different option as bribe to keep them on your feet all night.

Can you try re-selling some of this stuff post-wedding? I know I’ve seen expensive shoes get re-sold after weddings!

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