Post # 1
Hi fellow bees,
I need some advice and to know if I’m being a bit unreasonable here.
I’m in a good friends wedding party. Now take into account, the dresses are close to $400, we are required to do hair and makeup, which is about $150, but I was ok with all that, even though it seemed a bit much to me. Now, I find out that she wants us all to have matching shoes too, which will cost about $100 more.
I guess this wouldn’t bother me so much, except that the shoes she wants are very high, and uncomfortable. Now it’s not like I want flats or anything, but considering I would be in them all day, I would prefer like a 3.5 inch heel or something, but she wants a specific look for her wedding. I don’t want to upset her at all, as it’s her wedding and I know she’s going for a certain look, but most times, I thought the brides let the bridesmaids pick their own shoes, within a certain colour range and style.
What should I do, suck it up, or try to say something? I really will have a hard time walking down the aisle and not looking ridiculous 🙁 But I know if I try to bring it up, she will think I’m blowing it out of proportion and ruining the look of her wedding.
Thanks for the help.
Post # 3
@bee2be:Wow – that is alot of money! I think sometimes people get caught up in their weddings and dont realize that they are costing their favorite people alot of money! Of course when you accept the honor to be in someones wedding, you take on that expense but that seems a little outrageous. $400 for a BM dress is very high – my dresses were $220 with tax and I felt bad having my girls pay that – Im covering their hair and make up and letting them wear the shoes of their choice, with the only stipulation being that they are black, patent leather and peep toe.
I would maybe politely bring it to her attention that you want to do whatever she wants to do because its her day, but the pricing is getting a little excessive. Are the dresses long? Maybe you could suggest that they wont really be seen and maybe she can just specify a specific color? Have you tried talking to any of the other maids? Are they feeling the same way? You should def. say something – she shouldnt expect everyone to spend that much. Its a special day – but its only 1 day – no sense in everyone going broke over it.
Hang in there! You are def. not out of line.
Post # 4
Honestly, I would ask her if she would be willing to go with a lower heel, if that is something that is really important to you. By agreeing to pay $400.00 for your dress and another $150.00 for hair and makeup, she is probably thinking that another $100.00 is just a drop in the bucket. I can understand that she is going for a certain look. I am also going for a certain look, but I am paying for everything for my girls, so they don’t really have any say. I did, however, keep their heels to no higher than 3 1/2″ because neither one of them is used to wearing heels. I also suggest that if you have to wear the heels she has chosen for you that you practice wearing them prior to her wedding. It will make a big difference in how you carry yourself on her day.
Post # 5
i’d say something or recommend a similiar pair from another website. my cousin did this to us, and we DIDNT EVEN END UP WEARING THE SHOES! we ended up going barefoot because the shoes were so horrible.
say something, if not, give it up – if you don’t say something now you won’t be able to bring it up later.
Post # 6
I’d let her know that you’re not really a heels kind of girl and you’re worried you’ll look like an idiot wobbling down the aisle. That way, you’re putting the blame on yourself rather than calling her on the excessive cost/matchy matchiness of it (which might make it go down better). Hopefully she won’t want you looking like that, and will make a different decision. If you must wear the heels for the ceremony, practise like noritake said and see if she will let you change for the reception so you can at least dance 🙂
Post # 7
*sigh*… it IS a lot of money, but that’s the type of weddings she’s used to, so it’s not a big deal for her. I did mention how it seems costly even for the other girls, but I can tell it’s what she really wanted, so I backed down. She just said its expensive to be in someone’s wedding and start saving basically.
Now with the shoes, I wouldn’t mind spending the money, but I really would never wear those shoes again, I never wear heels that high, and I know I will look stupid walking in them. I guess I will have to talk to her about getting a lower heel, but I’m sure that won’t satisfy any of the other girls either. I wish we could just pick our own with her approval or something, but I dont want to be difficult either. I just wish some brides would be a bit more understanding with their girls. The dresses are short, so I can see how that’s a problem. I don’t talk to the other girls, I wonder if they feel the same way. I wonder whats the best way to approach this?
Post # 8
I would be honest that you’re worried about the heels. I wore 4″ heels at my wedding, and they were by no means comfortable, and I’m an everyday 3.5″ wearer. I’m sure the last thing she would want is to have you wobbling down the aisle.
And I’m curious what dress she’s picked. $400 is a LOT of money for a bridesmaid’s dress.
Post # 9
LOL I will PM you the dress, it’s an expensive line.
I will tell her about the heels, but I’m pretty worried about it. There doesn’t seem to be a good solution for everyone.
Post # 10
“She just said its expensive to be in someone’s wedding and start saving basically.”
BTW, if she’s requiring you to have pro hair & makeup, she should be paying for it. Especially if she’s making you spend $500 on a dress and shoes! I’m spending less than that on my OWN dress.
Post # 11
Thanks madcat. I just dont want to be the difficult bridesmaid you know? But thanks for the responses everyone, I feel better about saying something to her.
Post # 12
You are deff not being unreasonable. She is being unreasonable, I wouldnt ever expect someone to pay $400 TOTAL to be in my wedding forget just for a dress! She SHOULD be paying for the BM’s hair and make up because she is requiring it.
Are the dresses long or short? I would say as long as all the girls have the same color & material on shoes that should be all that matters.
Post # 13
Wow…i would say something to her. That is way too much money to ask from Bridesmaids. I agree, since she is requiring for your hair to be done, she should be paying for it.
Post # 14
I’d definitely say something to her. Just because she’s comfortable and can walk in 4″ heels doesn’t mean everyone in her wedding party will be. Tell her you’re worried about tripping down the aisle, plus NOTHING looks worse than someone who can’t walk in their heels.
I’d say find something similar in a lower heel and come to her with a solution when you tell her that you can’t wear those.
If all else fails tell if you have shin-splints and your doc says you absolutely can’t wear them 🙂
Post # 15
Everyone has given really good advice on here! BUT if your going to confront her about it i would say ALL of the bridemaids need to do it, not just you. If your the only one that stands up and says something she may think your just being difficult and blow you off. All of the BM need to give her their opinions so she’ll know all of you feel this way. Good luck!
Post # 16
Maybe you could phrase it as something like, “I’ll be sure and bring my flip flops for the reception if we’re going to wear heels like that! I don’t think my feet will last in such high heels for much beyond the ceremony and photos!”
Kind of manipulative, but if she realizes that the shoes aren’t wearable, maybe she’ll pick a different option as bribe to keep them on your feet all night.
Can you try re-selling some of this stuff post-wedding? I know I’ve seen expensive shoes get re-sold after weddings!