Weddingbee boards

Hey Bees!

So last week FI got fired (more details http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fi-lost-his-job-today) and we're scrambling to find a way to still have a wedding as the venue we had booked with is being less than accomodating. And because FI has been union sanctioned, he can't get back to work.

I've been looking into elopement type packages throughout Lake Louise/Banff/Canmore (areas surrounding the city I live in) and they're a lot more affordable and at the end of the day may be more romantic (Go silver lining, go!) and intimate for us a couple. The only thing I'm worried about is approaching it with our guests to whom we've sent save the dates. Is it tacky to send out letters in the post to everyone explaining that we've chosen to elope? Is that TMI? What is the etiquette for going from a big wedding to an elopement?

And while FI's family would totally support us no matter what in this decision, I feel like my mother (who find issue in everything that I do) would take offense to this. She flew off the handle telling me to leave FI (!!!) just because he' s out of work for the first time in our relationship, and she usually likes him better than me. How can I handle her as well?

Please help Bees I'm so stressed out and don't have anyone else to talk to about this working overtime to make the day-to-day stuff work!

This is not a new situation, and traditional etiquette has a standard correct solution. You send a notice, in the same style as, and similar wording to the original, to the recipients of the original notice, stating that the planned celebration will not take place. No further details are required, although you will doubtless be kindly asked about the details by people who truly care and by the dyed-in-the-wool family gossips. You can answer the questions or not when they come, but you don't need to anticipate them.

So. If you sent formal invitations, you get more of the same card and using the same typeface you write:

Mr and Mrs Firstname Hostess
regret to inform you that
the planned public wedding ceremony and reception for
Jessica Lastname
and
Mr Handsome McB
will not take place.

(If you were actually calling the whole thing off, you would simply write "that the wedding of ..."; this wording leaves open that it is just the public celebration that is being called off.)

If you sent informal invitations, you write a very brief informal note such as:

Dear Auntie Aspasia,
Sadly, Handsome and I are not going to have a big wedding on (date) after all.
Love, Jessica

If you sent printed Save-the-Date cards, use the same template and picture (although you might photo-shop the photographs to a more muted shade for artistic effect if you like) but where it said "Handsome and Jessica / Save the Date / 5 May 2012" put instead "Regrettably / Handsome and Jessica's plans for / 5 May 2012 / have been cancelled"

Although all these statements seem bald and painful in their lack of explanation, the very simplicity of these statements should have the effect of reminding your guests to be tactful and avoid prying. Naturally, that doesn't work on tactless busy-bodies, but no matter how much explanation you feed such people they will always pry for more anyway.