- 2 years ago
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Not talking about bridezillas or guestzillas today, but the dreaded family-zillas. I’ve always had a very friendly, amicable, healthy-but-boundaried relationship with my FILs (holidays, phone calls, birthday cards) but now that their youngest child/only son is getting married, things are getting rougher.
My FMIL …
– Had a freakout about the guest list and how few people she was going to be able to invite. She bothered FI and myself about it so often that if reached the point where every time she brought it up, we’d have to go “[Name], I’m sorry you’re upset but we agreed not to discuss this anymore. If you keep trying to talk about it I’m going to have to hang up now.” I never did, but FI hung up on her about 4 times before she got the message. Latest update was that she literally sent a Facebook message to MY MOTHER “innocently asking” how many invites she was getting (Classic “Ask mom, and if mom says no ask dad, and if dad says no ask Uncle Joe …” kind of childish behavior.)
– Had a freakout about the ceremony. FFIL says FMIL is just worried about her son (FI) losing his “heritage,” so we agreed to have a traditional Catholic ceremony without communion. She now insists it doesn’t count unless there IS communion, which neither I nor my part-secular-part-Lutheran family could take.
– Wants me to include FI’s four sisters in my bridal party. I was only planning on having three bridesmaids total, all close friends. I offered to make them ushers/guest book attendants/have speeches at the rehearsal dinner/etc, but she keeps countering with “But Marisela would look so BEAUTIFUL in your colors! Your photos would be so great. Just think about it.”
– I’m beginning to get the impression that every attempt to compromise shows her there’s a crack in my armor, and she can make another demand.
Meanwhile, my parents (FI’s FILs) …
– Are pretty pissed with FMIL about the guest thing. (They are paying for the reception.)
– Aren’t happy about the ceremony and have mentioned how uncomfortable they’re going to feel. FI and I are paying for the ceremony and everything associated with it.
– My mother asked me to invite a church friend’s teenaged daughter as a junior/honorary bridesmaid because she’s “never been one”; I have never met the church friend, let alone the daughter.
– My mother also seemed hurt that I didn’t want to fly cross-country (on my stretched-thin dime) to attend bridal shows and go dress shopping with her.
– The good news is that at least they adore FI, even if they aren’t sure on his family.
So for the already-married bees: have you ever known people who are normal when not in planning mode, go crazy when the planning time comes, then go back to being normal when it’s all done? How do you navigate that? Does the drama linger, or does everyone move on? I’m very much in the “rise above, stick it out, hold your ground” camp and FI is incredibly supportive (thank God. I love that man.) But it sucks for now.