(Closed) Frustrated

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6598 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Awe I am sorry!

I completely understand why you are upset!

Do you know what your friend is going through personally right now? Do you think that what she is going through could be a reason why she might not have been so excited? I hope for your sake that she is going through some stuff and feels bad that she can’t be there for you and that’s why she was hurt when you “replaced” her! As far as the vacation goes I would be hurt about that too but maybe it was already planned before you announced your wedding? I would hate for you to throw a 24 year friendship away – I know that it is really hard with the distance and I would bring it up and talk to her about it! Let her know how it hurt you for her to say that maybe you should replace her but you did it because you were unsure of her availability to come!!! I think this could all be worked out if you talk!

As far as you FHs Aunt and Brother – have the declined the invitation already (almost a year in advance)? That seems a little odd and yes you would assume that they would do anything to get there and I understand why you are hurt; however, the economy is hitting some people very hard and who knows maybe something happened between now and July 4th in why they cannot come! I hope for you and your fiance’s sake that they will be able to make it in the end but you are a year away still and so things might turn around and go right for you!

Good Luck with the planning and try to talk things out with your friend I am sure she does care for you a lot!     *HUGS*

Post # 5
Member
404 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t want to come across as mean or anything, but really, if your friend had planned and budgeted a trip, you can’t expect her to drop it just because now you’re getting married.  And if your relatives had already made plans for that weekend….it’s sort of the same deal.  Everyone’s life is not centered around your wedding, and you can’t let it hurt your feelings if someone can’t make it. 

As far as your friend not sounding enthusiastic….everyone reacts differently to news.  She may have felt flattered, but not every girl dreams of being a maid of honor, and not every girl screams and is giddy when someone else announces they are getting married.  It’s just a difference of personality.  Again, you can’t take it personally. 

Finally, I think she was trying to do you a favor by telling you to choose someone else, to make it more convenient for you.  How much planning and help could she have been as a MOH from Scotland?  She would not have been able to organize or attend a bridal shower, she couldn’t possibly have gone with you for fittings and dress shopping…..I think she was looking out for you. 

Post # 6
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry, that does sound frustrating. Just a little perspective having lived abroad for a long time. If she lives in Scotland, Ryanair flights to Spain can be as low as 50 euros, round trip. Their low cost airlines are an entirely different thing over there. So what may seem like a lavishly expensive vacation to you, may really not cost much money. Unfortunately, that doesn’t exist for flights to the US. She also might need to get a passport for her child (she wouldn’t for European trips) which is expensive. So the expense excuse may be legit.

Post # 7
Member
606 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Unfortunately you cannot put too much stock into that and whom you cannot control. In the end, only two people matter and that is why you guys are making this incredible commitment to one another. You were in a tough situation and she gave you the greenlight to do as you chose and you did, she cannot fault you for doing what she didn’t want you to. She should have though about it before she was so lukewarm about your offer!

At this point it is her problem, so keep calm and carry on!

Post # 9
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Leafy,

I understand what people say to help explain, but I’m with you.  We’re in the same boat and I feel EXACTLY the way that you do.  We’re getting married in 4 weeks and we only have 8 (YES….8!!!) guests who are attending the wedding.  I understand what people say about reasons, but c’mon 8?!?!  I have also always been the one to do anything for anybody else and I’ve been to everyone else’s weddings, showers, baby showers, first new homes, kids birthday parties, etc.  Now it’s my turn and not many people are returning the favor.  It was expected that I attend all of their stuff, regardless of where in the country it was and how much it cost, but my wedding is not convenient or important to them.  You’re right though…….it sure makes it crystal clear who your true friends are.  Needless to say, my fiance and I have already begun to re-evaluate our “friends” list and have made a resolution to find better and more true friends going forward and put our energies where it counts.

Post # 11
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Leafy,

We were intending to have a small wedding and invited/expected about 30.  Not a lot, but we wanted a small, intimate, nicely done wedding.  We’re getting married in 4 weeks and just started to throw this together 4 weeks ago!  Before we started to get this underway, we talked to everyone that we intended to invite to make sure that if we “jumped through hoops” to make this happen in a hurry and take on such a challenge, that people would be up for it.  The part that hurts the most is that most all of the people that we talked to said yes, that they were in and they’d be coming.  We even gave 3 potential dates to see if certain dates worked out better and EVERYONE said that they didn’t have a problem with any of them…..just let them know when we made the final decision….which we did about 2 weeks later.  Now, most of those people are the one’s not coming (this includes family members) and I’ve heard so many excuses that they can’t even keep their excuses straight.  They go from one excuse in one conversation to another at another conversation.  I’m just an honest, straight forward person and I don’t like the BS.  If you can’t make it and you have your reasons, than it is what it is.  BUT, had they been upfront about it, WE would have made different choices.  Now, we’re paying for a wedding for about 13K and eight people are coming!  That’s what’s upsetting.  We would have just eloped and splurged on things that we wanted for ourselves for the house or whatever.  That’s all.  I don’t think that it’s petty or childish on mine or your part.  I’ve ALWAYS been there for people and this has been so hurtful and now all I can think of is “what a waste of money,” instead of “oh, I’m so excited to be getting married.”  BUT when all is said and done and the steam has blown over, I know that I will be with my true life partner and I just have to remember that that is priceless….and heh, we’ll make new friends πŸ™‚

Post # 13
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

The guest who ARE coming haven’t said much…..aside from my fiance’s older sister who keeps belly aching about it.  I just keep telling him to tell her not to come too if she has to be like that.  As far as I’m concerned at this point, she can be like everyone else.  We only want people there who actually WANT to be there.  Other than her and her husband, we have 2 couple friends who have been fine with everything and my mother and her husband.  My mother is more excited about it than I am at this point.  I’m sure that much of these current feelings will settle down by the time of the wedding and I’m really trying to make sure that the 2 weeks before, that I’m in “wedding mode” and de-stressing and not letting things get to me.  I really want to prevent myself from looking back and letting this spoil the actual wedding day.  It’s already spoiled the weeks leading up to everything.  I’m going to do my best to just forget everything that day and be in the moment……because when all is said and done, THAT’S what will be most important.  Thanks for your input…..it’s really helped me….hope it’s helped you too πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Oh, and by the way, where in Ohio are you getting married?

Post # 16
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Same to you too!  Hang in there and good luck with everything!

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