(Closed) Frustrated!!!

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@flowerbee2:  Are you still happy with him?

Post # 4
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

OMG I read your post and it’s like I’m reading my own. I’m in the same position then you. We are together for 7 years, and living together for almost 2. We both turn 25 this year and he already has a job that he is not happy with (not the contract thing, he just doesn’t like it and wants to change), when people around started to get engaged I bought up the subject and he was like: “what? I didn’t even tought of that! I mean we are 25..” talk and says he wants to be more secure before doing anything else, that he can’t deal with 2 major things at once.

I know it’s frustrating πŸ™ I feel ya… I feel very frustrated because I tought that once we moved in toegther, if things went well (wich they did) he would pop the question, but he didn’t saw things like that, and now I have to hear comments from other people like: “why buy the cow when the milk is free” because I act like his wife, taking care of him, but haven’t the title; makes me feel like he thinks I don’t deserve it, that i’m not good enough πŸ™

So I completly understand your frustration, and I’m sorry we are both in this awkard place… πŸ™

Post # 5
Member
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Im right there with yall.  My SO and I have been together for 5.5 years, lived together for 1.5.  We are older though late 30s, I’ve been married once before and he never has.  Most of our friends are not running around with engagements usually which is probably good for my attitude’s sake.  I know its coming because he said its time but that doesn’t make it easier.

 

 

 

He forwarded me an engagement party invite from a name I didn’t recognize, and instantly got pissed.  Like you want me to go to one of your co-workers engagement party?? are you serious.  Found out it is from our friends that are getting married next month.  Just wasn’t expecting an engagement party so close to their wedding.

 

Anyway, the longer it takes him to do it, the more I wonder WTH is the hold up?  My guess is he’s not going to do some grand proposal treasure hunt or anything complicated whatsoever.  Waiting feels like punishment.  Guys dont see it that way but it feels like it to me.  And I know I don’t deserve it because I’ve been married in my mind and heart for years.

 

Post # 6
Member
4496 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

FI and I started dating at 15 and were together for 10 years before getting engaged, so I can understand being anxious. I think maybe you still aren’t happy because you had to prod him to get the answer you wanted, rather than him coming to that conclusion on his own and initiating the process of getting engaged. I certainly understand wanting the committment, but I would never be happy if I had to repeatedky ask for that committment rather than someone offering it to me on their own. Thats part of what makes so many of these waiting threads so sad to me πŸ™

In regard to wanting to be financially ready. I can understand that to an extent, but honestly if you guys are doing fine right now then why do you need more money in order to get married? You don’t have to buy a house or have kids right away. More often than not I think the finance excuse is just that – an excuse.

Post # 8
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’ve noticed that guys get comfortable when they already live with you.  It’s almost like security that you aren’t going anywhere so they don’t feel the need to propose.  I finally had to kind of put my foot down and tell my SO that I wanted to be engaged by June of this year (that was in December).

 

At first I thought it wasn’t going to work, but then 3 months later he took me ring shopping and now the ring is ordered and being made.  In my situation, he just needed a push.

 

It is hard when you practically have to fight him to propose to you.  We’d much rather they just love us so much that they do it on their own.  But let’s face it, most guys aren’t programmed like that.  To a girl, getting married is the ultimate dream, but this isn’t the way men see it.

Post # 9
Member
231 posts
Helper bee

@flowerbee2:  

@lsimpson:  

@Jen-in-GA:  

Hi, ladies πŸ™‚ Did any of you think that your proposal isn’t here yet because he just hasn’t finished saving? I’ve been in the same boat > getting anxious about the engagement and whatnot (I’m in a almost-5 year relationship). I finally realized that it doesn’t help him knowing that I’m getting anxious. I mean, talk about it a few times, OK, since he has to know how I feel and we both have to put ourselves on the table as far as what we want for our future. But after that? After realizing that he wants the same things I do? I had to let it go as to not upset HIM. I mean, can you imagine being your man? You KNOW she wants to get engaged, but you’re just not ready, and she’s so upset all of the time, but you’re trying SO hard to save and you just need more time! … that’s how I look at it anyhow. It’s obviously not preferred to have to wait months or years on end, but if you know this is the one for you, just take the time to relish in the relationship you have: dating! One day you will look back and perhaps wish that you enjoyed the dating part of your relationship more, rather than stressed about getting engaged. And by NO means am I trying to say that you all aren’t 100% justified for feeling upset. Because it’s upsetting! You’re ready to take the next step and he’s not there yet. Of course you’re going to feel something! But like I was saying, if you take the time to appreciate what you have now, you will always have enough.

‘Be happy with what you have or you will never, ever have enough.’

And the happier you are with what you have (your dating relationship), the happier you will be when the time comes to take the next step. Happiness builds on happiness and it will just continue to build!…  All of that stress and bad thoughts won’t do good for ANYthing. Besides from the obvious misery it causes us, and perhaps makes us grumpy/grouchy/what have you, it makes you focus less on what’s so good about your life. And at the end of the day, YOU’RE IN LOVE and you’re building a future with someone. Hopefully you can focus more on that than anything that you’re missing from your life. I didn’t mean to ramble but I really hope this helps πŸ™‚

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