Post # 1
I don’t think my husband and I are financially and emotionally prepared for a child in our lives. However, my husband wears a condom PLUS pulls out at the same time. He is extrememly paranoid about me getting pregnant that if he had to choose, he would probably rather do dry humping versus actual sex. He actually enjoys dry humping because that’s what he got used to in previous relationships. I think it’s dumb. We’re not in high school anymore! I’m actually very frustrated because you know, you miss the intimacy of your partner finishing inside you. We’ve been married for 6 months now and I’m really frustrated ;(
Post # 3
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
Lots of couples use 2 forms of birth control protection. If these 2 forms are not working for you, what about suggesting 2 other forms?
Post # 4
I agree with PP – are you on BC? I was on BC and DH uses a condom. I went off BC only because it was screwing up my emotions and I had zero libido. I need to go in and have my doctor prescribe a new kind, but I haven’t had time. We’re not ready for kids, but we’re not really worried about the condom failing. In your case I might talk to my doctor about BC if you haven’t already.
Post # 5
- Wedding: July 2015 - Villa de l'Amour
Hopefully you have discussed your concerns with him because bottling them up is never good. Assuming the two of you have discussed this, perhaps he could accompany you to your bext doctor visit so his anxieties can be put to rest. The doctor will give you both great tips on following an ovulation calendar and perhaps alternative birth control methods. Good luck to the both of you.
Post # 6
Might I suggest you stay charting? Read Taking Charge of Your Fertility. It will help you understand when you can and can’t get pregnant during your cycle. Have him read it too if you think it will help.
Post # 7
Thanks everyone for your reply. No, I’m not on BC. Just like what @librarygirl85 said, they screw up your emotions so I don’t think I’d like to go back and use it.
What’s the best way to talk to your husband without it sounding like you’re lecturing him? My husband is very prideful. He is the type who would rather get lost for hours than ask for directions. So he likes to believe that he knows everything even though he doesn’t really.
To be honest, I think his anxieties about this are over the top. It’s like paranoia. You’d have to be really naive to think that way – and I would expect that from a middle schooler, not a grown man.
Post # 8
Emjayemjay: Well, I know my hubby would ‘listen up’ to my concerns if he ever knew that I was not enjoying sex due to his paranoia, which sounds to be the case. I would not belittle him in my approach by telling him how his prevention methods are middle-schoolish, because that would also NOT work for him.
Honestly, if he knows you are on the same page as him about not having children, then open up a discussion on ways you can compromise on being careful, and having fun. This is how my hubby and I proceed, and I find it has worked for many years until we are TTC. I chart via an online app (and have been for years), so I have gotten to know my body, and my high fertile days, etc. On those 7 days, we use condoms, no ifs/ands/or buts. Condoms are extremely preventative, if used properly, which we do. If you are unsure, or he is, then pull out those days as well! The other times of the month, not only do we pretty much use condoms, but he always always always pulls out!
He has trusted me in telling him ‘let’s overly protect ourselves’, knowing if/when I was fertile, and I have trusted him to always pull out. He has supported my decision to not be on hormonal bc because I had been on it for many many years, and was ready to let my body run its own course.
Communication and trust has kept us child-free for now, and has allowed us to have a nice/fun/non-anxious sex life too! You just need to be a little patient with him, and show him you are absolutely on the same page, etc.
Post # 9
I’m the paranoid one in my relationship. I really don’t want to get pregnant before we got married and we did have a scare. After the wedding all bets are off with that and we’ll be TTC. I suggest getting to know your cycle and when your danger zone of getting pregnant is. Then just don’t have sex at all at that time even with a condom. He may need an education about your cycle as well and just how hard it can be to get pregnant.
Post # 10
Emjayemjay: Maybe you can track your temps (read Taking Charge of You Fertility), then during the safe times he can still use the condom, but he won’t have to pull out.