(Closed) Frustrated about my MOH trying to compete with me…(long)

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Uh, when it comes to having my own babies, I wouldn’t give a damn about what my friends are doing.

Post # 4
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Hi! I think that you need to dump your friend and just focus on yourself. You are talking about bringing a human being into the world- this has NOTHING to do with your friend! I’ve learned that if you don’t want drama in your life, don’t hang out with the people who bring the drama!!

Post # 6
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Umm… interesting friend you have there.  I’d say don’t worry about when you get pregnant and just enjoy the moment with those that don’t know her.  I doubt your mom/inlaws/other friends are going to let her overshadow you.

Post # 7
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you will be “stuck” with this person for the rest of your life, you need to set boundaries and let her know how you expect to be treated. When she keeps going on and on about babies, interrupt her and let her know nicely that you have reached your limit of talk about babies and that you guys need to switch the subject of conversation.

Post # 8
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@blondie_6547: First of all…why’d you pick her as your MOH? I don’t mean to come off harshly, but really I wouldn’t have picked her knowing what you do about her.

As far as the pregnancy stuff….do it when you and your FI/FH decide you are both ready for it. When she and her H decide to try and get pregnant (he does have a little say) they will do it too. Don’t share baby names with her OR her H though. No joke I know someone who used a name their best friend had been in love with since, like, middle school. She was devastated…and angry. But anyways.

She DOES sound very competitive and because of that I would limit my contact with her. However, it sounds as if your FI and her husband are good friends so you’re sort of stuck interacting with her. You don’t have to pretend to like her though. You just have to be polite and tolerate her.

Post # 9
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@blondie_6547: Just because JIM is your FI’s BFF, doesn’t mean that you have to be BFFs with his wife. Hell, I have a friend who HATES her DH’s BFF’s wife (and vice versa). The boys just see each-other on their own time. And when they do get together for parties and stuff, the ladies are just civil with each-other.

But I don’t get how, if this is just a connection between your boys, she could steal THAT much attention from you. Don’t you have different social circles outside of your SOs? Different female friends?

Post # 12
Member
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@blondie_6547: Ahh I see. Sort of in the hopes that she’d stop being so self-centered? I think she’s proven otherwise, sadly. I suppose you stick it out for a little longer, but post-wedding I’d be SO out of her life as much as possible. lol.

I also think it’s kind of sad that he feels he has to worry over her using her BC. That could create some serious trust issues. I know I’ve heard of women purposely getting pregnant and claiming it was an “accident.” :/

Post # 13
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@blondie_6547: Hon, it’s not pathetic. I’m also in grad school and have very few local friends outside of DH’s circle. Most of mine are out of state as well.

But that doesn’t mean that you need to be BFF with THIS particular woman. I mean, sure, be friendly because she’ll probably be in your life, but I’d start distancing yourself. Concentrate on YOUR life, YOUR wedding, and YOUR family. Whatever she does is irrelevant. Whatever you do, DON’T plan your pregnancy around her–not only is pregnancy too unpredictible, but it’s about bringing a new human into the world. Fundamentally changing your life. Attention and showers and all that is really beside the point and I would hope that when you’re really pregnant, you’ll be much to preoccupied with other things to care.

Post # 15
Member
347 posts
Helper bee

I may be wrong but I don’t think she’s totally competing with you.  I just think she sounds crazy.  Sorry you have to deal with her!  After you are married, is there a way to just slowly drift away from her?  Can you limit your phone conversations/times you hang out to a minimum, just to relieve some of your stress?

Post # 16
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Just from reading, it doesn’t sound like she’s necessarily trying to compete – at least not intentionally. It sounds like she’s so wrapped up in herself that I can’t even see far enough to think about what others are doing, if that makes sense. So on some level she may be jealous of you (maybe because you and your FI are happy/healthy, and her relationship doesn’t sound so great?), and overcompensating for it.

My inclination, since you are “stuck” with her, is to say continue to be polite, but definitely don’t let yourself be any kind of emotionally dependent on her.

For example, planning a trip, why don’t you and your FI take the lead, make your plans, and if she can make it, great, and if not, no problem. If she freaks about her timeline, just calmly tell her something like, “You can wait and book your tickets closer to, so you know how your health is doing, and if you guys do get pregnant between now and then, you’ll know how far along the pregnancy will be at the time of the vacation. We figured it would be too tough to plan around everyone’s schedules, so we just picked a time that would work for us, and hoped for the best.”

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