(Closed) Frustrated at FI – need advice – Am I out of line? (guest list issues)

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think you should just invite them…if it means so much to FI, just do it. I understand it’s weird to invite strangers to your wedding, but FI thinks that because they are helping out FMIL, they should be guests…maybe this is his thank you. I just would invite them because it’s only two additional people.

Post # 4
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I went through a similar thing. I would let him invite them.  He probably feels sad that his family can’t make it. My husband was very sad  at his family’s lack of enthusiasm and did not say this but rather invited people that I found questionable. Ultimately, you can’t do much for him so I’d say just let him have it.

Post # 5
Member
503 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I went through a similar thing. I would let him invite them.  He probably feels sad that his family can’t make it. My husband was very sad  at his family’s lack of enthusiasm and did not say this but rather invited people that I found questionable. Ultimately, you can’t do much for him so I’d say just let him have it.

Post # 6
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

MIL made us feel guilty by not inviting any of her friends (which was DH’s call, not mine) so we ended up suggesting 3 of her friends, all of whom we’ve met. In the end none of them could come, but I think if there is space on your FI’s “side” it might be nice to invite some people. I think it would make more sense if they were people you actually knew and were likely to have a relationship with in the future though 🙂

In terms of him saying he didn’t have a say, I would just put that down to stress and feeling a bit overwhelmed and probably sad that quite a few of his guests aren’t able to come (even if he won’t admit it). So I’d try to be understanding of that, while not letting him be mad at you for something you didn’t do 🙂

Post # 7
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

I also think you should let him invite them. He lost 8 already. Two more to make up for it isn’t a bad thing. He has fewer people than you, so I think he is entitled to invite a few more. The best case scenario would be for both sides of the guest list to be even.

Post # 8
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It sounds like it means a lot to him. I have far fewer guests than FI and I wish we’d gotten RSVPs sufficiently early for me to invite more people on my side. You were expecting to pay for 8 additional people, so it seems paying for 2 isn’t so bad.

Post # 9
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Sweetie, you are 100% right in this. I have renters that are in my former home.

The fact of the matter is: Yes, they “help” me financially — but any other renters would, as well. Unless you allow close friends or relatives to rent from you, your relationship with your renters should be kept as a business relationship only.

I speak from years of experience, and anything more opens yourself up for trouble. I was way too nice to previous renters and they took advantage of that kindness and it turned out bad in the end.

We have a fantastic relationship with our current renters, but that is 100% due to A) Learning from past experiences, and B) Enforcing rules and boundaries, i.e., I may be nice, but I am your landlord, not your friend.

I hate to say this, but unless you are personally in the Landlord/Renter position, you can never truly understand the importance of these boundaries, and inviting them to your wedding is crossing the line.

Post # 10
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree, if 8 people from his side can’t come, then inviting two still saves you on place seats.  You can always seat them near his mom and not worry about it. 

Post # 11
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Hm, this is tough.  Personally, I would not want to invite them – have you mentioned that they might feel uncomfortable being invited to their landlord son’s wedding??

It seems like he might be upset about something other than this couple…but is using this situation to vent his frustrations, but I could be off base on that one.

 

Post # 12
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

It seems odd to me to invite his Mother’s Renters.  It’s not like they are friends, or you’ve met them or they care about the two of you.  They are Renters.  If they were friends or co-workers or nice neighbors then I’d totally understand but it seems weird to me to invite Renters, that you don’t know, to your wedding.

I guess in the end it’s not worth fighting about but I’d let him calm down and ask him again why he’d want them to come.  I had a similar situation with my FI where he started mentioning people that I’d never met (or heard of) that he wanted to invite (we are paying for the wedding as well).  He finally admitted that his Mother had talked to him on the way home and guilt tripped him into wanting to invite these people.  We decided not to invite people who don’t know us and care about us.

I’m sure everything will work out perfectly plus the Renters may not even want to come.

Post # 13
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Ok, unless the wedding is in his mother’s backyard, and they’re going to be sitting lonely in their back house, eating KD and wishing they could be in on the fun, I don’t see why you would invite them.  it’s important to keep the line between business/friendship very clear, and I doubt they would even want to come if they don’t know you. (although I’m sure you’re throwing an awesome party anyone would be delighted to attend!)

My FI went through this phase too when he found out that not a single one of his cousins was coming to our wedding, and wanted to invite all sorts of random co-workers/teammates from previous sports seasons.  Maybe go back to the guest list and see if he can find someone more meaningful that was passed over?

Post # 15
Member
13101 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I second everything alligatress said.  Inviting your FMIL’s renters makes no sense – his family should have nothing but a business relationship with them and business relationships don’t get people invited to weddings.

Post # 16
Member
1079 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Actually tons of business relationships get people invited to weddings, especially business colleages of parents when the parents are paying for the wedding. I don’t think that applies in this case though. Also renters and landlords can be friends – I don’t know why people are saying that’s weird. I think it’s more like my parents inviting people I don’t know well – these are friends of your FMIL and if FI wants to invite them that seems okay. My FILs had an occasional renter they got to be friends with and he got invited.

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