(Closed) Frustrated BM, help!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2192 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

It sucks to not be given correct information about plans.  If this is a good friend and you are a good friend than make the effort and go.  I would definitely not leave work early though.  It is a whole weekend affair than you can be a few hours late.  And think of the money you need to make to pay for the extra expenese as well.  GL!

Post # 5
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Try not to take things personally. It could very well be that you and the MoH didn’t get any details because the details simply weren’t solid yet.

My own story— I am the bride but wanted to start the plans for my bachelorette party myself, for a couple of reasons that really don’t matter to the story. I have always wanted a spa outing followed by a nice dinner, then cocktails (but not full-on nightclubbing) and an overnight stay in a hotel.  I spent a LOT of time lining up a hotel with a spa, about a 90-minute drive, within everyone’s budget, etc etc etc… then made a trip to that city for other reasons, discovered the hotel was in the arse end of nowhere (seriously why include a city name in the hotel’s name if you’re 40 miles outside the city?) and wouldn’t work for options of stuff to do after the sun went down.

So I went back to the drawing board, picked another city, and after a LOT of ins and outs, finally got a spa party lined up and a hotel room block booked…. 

Then the hotel sends the block contract over and they’ve screwed up the room count and the room type, so IF we want to stick with them, the girls who’d opted to share a room would also have to share a bed.  I didn’t like this but went about checking with the girls, and all said they didn’t love the idea but would make it work…

And an hour later, the spa emails that THEY’RE GOING OUT OF BUSINESS. Yup.

So now it’s back to the drawing board AGAIN but at this point we have already made major changes in plans twice, and none of us (especially me) want to go to the larger group till we are absolutely certain that things are solid.

It’s hard to plan things for a group on the best of days. Add in hotels and events, and it’s a nightmare. No one wants to start describing plans only to have to un-do them 3 weeks later. it’s confusing for everyone involved.

Don’t feel like you’ve been slighted.  If you legitimately can’t afford to go, then by all means you should graciously decline, and that’s one thing our group is factoring in on our Round 3 of planning.  But don’t feel hurt because they didn’t share the plans with you yet, because there’s a very strong chance that they simply didn’t have anything they considered worth sharing up until just now.  And you really can’t make any plan that works equally well for everyone, no matter how hard you try (a lesson I am very bitter about having to learn). Someone will be left out, disappointed, or just plain not have fun. If it’s not the location, it’ll be the budget, the activity, the choice of restaurant, or something else.  It’s really hard to please everyone AND involve things like hotel rooms, so try and give the planners a little slack. 

Post # 7
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Nurse_Bee:  Honestly I’ve got no clue. The whole episode was just really exhausting for me because the hotel that I worked so hard to line up, to make a long story short, was pretty much the only rooms open in that city on that weekend. We’re locked into that weekend because some of my friends from out-of-town are flying up and already have tickets.  So this all went down on Friday… my day started with my third discussion with a flaky makeup artist on why I didn’t want her to do my makeup any more (ummmm because I’ve been emailing you for 3 weeks trying to set the date for a trial and you can’t even reply once? No thanks, flake, but that also doesn’t mean you can call me at 10pm Thursday night to try to apologize— pretend you’re a businesswoman please), then got a call from the caterer asking if we could change the date of our tasting (which we set 4 weeks ago due to my business travel schedule) because they got a last-minute party, then the screw-up with the hotel, then the spa, and all the while I was trying to get someone from the catering department of the wedding host hotel to call me back so I could SPEND MORE MONEY WITH THEM…. so I just gave up. We’ll deal with it later I suppose…

But when it rains, it pours, and while  I’m sure you weren’t an oversight, it is quite possibly just a case of “there is no way to make this work without someone being seriously inconvenienced or someone having to inherit a pile of cash to pay for everyone’s trip.”  It’s so hard to plan for a group, and I can completely relate to not wanting to say a word till every last detail is in place.

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