Post # 1
This is my first post to this blog but everyone always seems to helpful out here. I need help. I have a fiance who is, let’s say, less than eager to assist with planning our wedding. We’ve come to a decision that he only has to make small decisions when I ask him and this has been working out ok. Until now….
Let me start by saying we have a large wedding party. 7 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen. I have 2 sisters, 2 sister in law, and am also including his 3 sisters. He chose to have 3 very close friends stand up for him along with my 2 brothers and his 1 brother. Ok, on with the actual issue. He can’t choose ushers!! I have a close male friend who I would really like to honor by having him be our usher. My fiance refuses to make any decision about this. He now is questioning whether or not we should include his 3 brother-in-laws in the wedding. My opinion is that if they were that important to him, he should have had them stand up with him as groomsman. My fiance also mentioned the other day that maybe he should include his “step brother” also somehow? Are you kidding me? He really has no relationship with this guy.
My dilema is that he constantly brings things up like this, but yet doesn’t want to discuss how to handle it. He isn’t doing any of the planning, but yet he’s making the usher decision a very difficult one. Can anyone give me any advice on how to handle my situation? Oh, and no need to bother suggesting having more than two ushers. My fiance really only thinks 2 is appropriate!
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening to me vent!
Post # 3
Oh, I’m sorry your FH isn’t into planning with you. What about you picking the ushers and just having him ok them? That’ll make it easier on him because it sounds like he really can’t choose between his step brothers and it’ll ease your mind because a decision will have been made. Maybe you need to speak to him again about his involvement in the planning?
Post # 4
Maybe you just need to set aside a time & have a frank discussion/planning session. You should definitely tell him how you are feeling….and you both have to agree that at the meeting you finalize the wedding party & ushers and be done with it. Weddings can be way too complex and stressful to be changing people…adding or subtracting, etc.
I wouldn’t be too mad at your fiance, sometimes guys can be so clueless about stuff. If you explain to him how you are feeling and exactly he can help you out so that you’re not overwhelmed, then he will probably step it up.
Hope it works out!
Post # 5
rock scissors paper!!! no seriously it may work? lol jk! Talking helps.. whenever Im frustrated with FH I approach and say.. look blah blah blah.. this affects me…. blah blah blah… and it is frustrating…. We need to work on this problem… blah blah blah..
He may not realise it. Most the time my FH doesnt realise it.. and I sit there seething until i say something!
Post # 6
I would just choose for him and then tell him. My Fiance has no interest in planning the wedding but Im ok with that because I know he wouldn’t enjoy it and that he would never decide on anything. It would be “I don’t care” or ” whatever you want”. Its easier to just do it yourself or with your mother or Maid/Matron of Honor then to ask your Fiance who isn’t into it. If he doesn’t like it then maybe it will force him to make a decision. Good luck!
Post # 7
Please don’t take this wrong, but it sounds to me like maybe you need to listen to him more. If he’s constantly bringing things up then he must be thinking about the wedding and trying to help in his own way. As for whether his step brother should stand with him, that’s his side of the party and if he feels that his step-bro should be standing then it’s not fair to veto it. Is it possible that he’s avoiding talking about it because he feels like he gets shut down when he tried to contribute?
Post # 8
You guys are all so helpful!
MichelleMyBell – I don’t take offense. I know it’s hard for people on the outside reading something someone is venting about can be difficult to make out. I should clarify that the groomsmen and bridesmaids are all decided. We are just working on the ushers. My frustration comes in when I have repeatedly asked him what we should do about ushers and he just says “i don’t care”. I get frustrated with him because of the “i don’t care” answer. He just keeps saying that he’s not interested in doing any of the planning and the wedding is really just for me. Ugh! That kills me! The worst part is then after saying he doesn’t care what I do he throws new options into the mix, but won’t come to a conclusion on them. If he wants to have his step brother be the additional usher, I would have no problem with that. I just want an answer so I can move forward!
Again, you guys are wonderful on this site. All your advice is very much appreciated!
Post # 9
Ooooh. That makes more sense now. Definitely a crappy place to be. I’ve been (slightly) more lucky with mine, but often I still have to call the shots myself. I’d say just go ahead and pick them. It will save you a lot of frustration.