Frustrated by great aunt's rudeness

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3806 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@parisianbee:  Just let the cousin come along. I wouldn’t go any farther with any of this though…like letting the cousin be part of the wedding party. Nope.

Post # 4
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Just let her bring the cousin.

My grandfather is old — 94 — and needs help getting from place to place.  Originally, we were going to ask a nurse from his retirement community to accompany him to both the rehearsal AND the wedding.  Instead, we had a friend of the family do it.  It’s not a big deal to have a relative stranger at the wedding if it means your family can attend.

Post # 5
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I really don’t see the big deal. Let your cousin attend. Your granddad is right.

Post # 6
2915 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

Let the cousin come…

Post # 7
6692 posts
Bee Keeper

I say let the cousin come as her escort. 

Post # 8
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I agree with the other posters and think you should let the cousin come along as great-aunt’s “+1” – I’m sure there are other people bringing +1s that you probably don’t know so well too. I get your problem though and it’s always really horrible when there’s cattiness and arguments around your wedding time.

Post # 9
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@parisianbee:  If she and other adults got a +1, her cousin would be her +1.  It’s ridiculous that your other family member won’t attend your wedding just because she’s arguing with this woman.

Post # 10
2173 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I don’t think this is as simple as just letting the cousin bring her…

What was the fight about?

Post # 11
3635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Seems there’s more to the story.  Who started the fight, really, and what was it about?  Is she being reasonable or is she just being dramatic? 

My Dad’s parents both have siblings that I didn’t even invite to our wedding.  I don’t feel bad about it.  I did invite my other Grandm’s sister, but she’s actually a part of my life.  I would have invited one of my Grandma’s sisters if she hadn’t died while I was planning the wedding.  But that’s it… not her twin, and not my Grandp’s 4 siblings.  I don’t think I’d recognize 2 of them if I saw them in the grocery store! 

So… judge your relationship with your great aunt, and how much you really want her there.  Is she going to bring you more joy or pain with her presence?  If you really want here there, just invite the cousin and figure it a wash if the other relative is being rediculous and not coming. 

Post # 13
9949 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

@parisianbee:  If you want your great aunt at the wedding, her cousin has to come.  It’s not a big deal, in my mind…wouldn’t you rather placate her and try to avoid drama?

Post # 15
5909 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@parisianbee:  I honestly wouldn’t dig my heels in on this one…when you’re dealing with elderly people, whether you are aware of their health/care needs or not, its best to err on the side of generosity with them, always. 

She might have some needs, concerns or anxiety about attending this event, the drive there and who she’s going to rely on to help her during the entire thing that she doesn’t want, and certainly isn’t required to discuss with you, but would feel more comfortable with this cousin being her go to person.

If she had a full time caregiver, wouldn’t you extend an invitation to that person in order to keep your Great Aunt comfortable and cared for?  I know you don’t know this person and it’s your wedding…but at some point you just have to understand that growing old is a bitch and having a person you know you can count on, when you’re in a strange place with strange people is a comfort no person should go without….even if they are being a petty, snarky, wrinkled pain in the ass about the whole thing…

You’ll be her hero if you relent….

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