Post # 1
Hi bees, I’ve been lurking for a long time and I think this is a great community 🙂
My granddad on my mother’s side has one living sibling, a sister – my great aunt. She lives a state away, but she is not far from the wedding site, either by driving or flying. She does not drive anymore, and I realized that, and I arranged for a family member in the area (also invited to the wedding) to escort her to the wedding and back. She doesn’t require any special health care luckily, so the only thing preventing her from coming to the wedding was a ride. Problem solved, right?
Not even close. My great aunt decided a week ago that she would start a giant fight with the family member who was going to drive her. The fight is very petty. Family member ended up calling and me and saying that not only would she not drive my great aunt to the wedding, but she also would not be coming to my wedding since I would not revoke my great aunt’s invitation. I was stunned and simply told her that I was very sorry that family member would not attend.
Now my great aunt would like her distant cousin to drive her to the wedding, but not only that, to be invited to all the wedding activities! I think this is absolutely ridiculous. I have never met the cousin, and if this is so huge for my great aunt to go, why won’t she just buy a plane ticket? We have even offered to buy her a plane ticket, and pick her up at our end, and get her wherever she needs to go. We have offered to pick her up from her home if she would feel more comfortable. But she insists she will not come without the cousin.
My granddad says I should just let her bring the cousin. Is he right? I don’t really want to deal with all the drama and wish she’d just stay home altogether. But it is my granddad’s only reminaing sibling. What should I do? I feel like I have done my best here 🙁
Post # 3
@parisianbee: Just let the cousin come along. I wouldn’t go any farther with any of this though…like letting the cousin be part of the wedding party. Nope.
Post # 4
Just let her bring the cousin.
My grandfather is old — 94 — and needs help getting from place to place. Originally, we were going to ask a nurse from his retirement community to accompany him to both the rehearsal AND the wedding. Instead, we had a friend of the family do it. It’s not a big deal to have a relative stranger at the wedding if it means your family can attend.
Post # 5
I really don’t see the big deal. Let your cousin attend. Your granddad is right.
Post # 7
I say let the cousin come as her escort.
Post # 8
I agree with the other posters and think you should let the cousin come along as great-aunt’s “+1” – I’m sure there are other people bringing +1s that you probably don’t know so well too. I get your problem though and it’s always really horrible when there’s cattiness and arguments around your wedding time.
Post # 9
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@parisianbee: If she and other adults got a +1, her cousin would be her +1. It’s ridiculous that your other family member won’t attend your wedding just because she’s arguing with this woman.
Post # 10
I don’t think this is as simple as just letting the cousin bring her…
What was the fight about?
Post # 11
Seems there’s more to the story. Who started the fight, really, and what was it about? Is she being reasonable or is she just being dramatic?
My Dad’s parents both have siblings that I didn’t even invite to our wedding. I don’t feel bad about it. I did invite my other Grandm’s sister, but she’s actually a part of my life. I would have invited one of my Grandma’s sisters if she hadn’t died while I was planning the wedding. But that’s it… not her twin, and not my Grandp’s 4 siblings. I don’t think I’d recognize 2 of them if I saw them in the grocery store!
So… judge your relationship with your great aunt, and how much you really want her there. Is she going to bring you more joy or pain with her presence? If you really want here there, just invite the cousin and figure it a wash if the other relative is being rediculous and not coming.
Post # 12
@almostmrsj: The fight started when my great aunt accused the family member of not taking care of her husband and family. I completely understand why my family member was offended. (They have continued to do petty things however, like steal each other’s mail). My great aunt has never been a …nice woman, to say the least. She always makes her opinion known. But I can’t just “take back” a wedding invitation.
And I apologize for not making it more clear in my post, but the cousin my great aunt is wanting to bring is not my direct cousin at all. She is from my great aunt’s other side of the family. I have never heard of her until now. With my great aunt’s track record, I do not want to have to deal with this new person on my wedding day.
I also see y’all’s point that I will meet many new people on my wedding day. This would be true, except we are having a small family wedding and I have met everyone who will be attending. But I can see how most people probably meet new people on their wedding day so I will remember that 🙂
To be completely honest, I only care about great aunt coming because my granddad cares and he is important to me. I have bent over backwards since my engagement to make her as comfortable at the wedding as possible, and I am just tired of her endless “requirements” of me and my family. I have only seen her maybe 5 times in my life but she is always calling asking for money, etc.
If she is there, there will be drama. If she isn’t, she’ll make sure she makes drama. I know this makes me sound like I have a very crazy family. But everyone knows sometimes you just have a bad apple or two!
Also! I did give my great aunt a +1. She has a date that she will be meeting up with at the wedding, a family friend. This was her choice to use her +1 on this person and I don’t think she should get to bring this cousin of hers too just because she wants to get her own way.
Post # 13
@parisianbee: If you want your great aunt at the wedding, her cousin has to come. It’s not a big deal, in my mind…wouldn’t you rather placate her and try to avoid drama?
Post # 14
@peachacid: Yes, this thread and typing all of it out has made me see that’s what must be done. I’m not happy about it, but hopefully after this I will never have to deal with her ever again.
Post # 15
@parisianbee: I honestly wouldn’t dig my heels in on this one…when you’re dealing with elderly people, whether you are aware of their health/care needs or not, its best to err on the side of generosity with them, always.
She might have some needs, concerns or anxiety about attending this event, the drive there and who she’s going to rely on to help her during the entire thing that she doesn’t want, and certainly isn’t required to discuss with you, but would feel more comfortable with this cousin being her go to person.
If she had a full time caregiver, wouldn’t you extend an invitation to that person in order to keep your Great Aunt comfortable and cared for? I know you don’t know this person and it’s your wedding…but at some point you just have to understand that growing old is a bitch and having a person you know you can count on, when you’re in a strange place with strange people is a comfort no person should go without….even if they are being a petty, snarky, wrinkled pain in the ass about the whole thing…
You’ll be her hero if you relent….
Post # 16
@Nona99: I understand what you are saying 100%. The funny thing is that she isn’t close to this cousin of hers either. They met just a few weeks ago when the fight started and my great aunt decided she likes her. She doesn’t have any healthcare needs at this time, luckily. And she already has a date, and her entire family there with no strangers whatsoever. She will be very well taken care of. I hope I didn’t come off as not wanting to help her be as comfortable as possible, because I do, and that’s why I have given her a thousand options as to how she would like to get there, stay there, what she would like to eat etc.
I’m going to let her bring the cousin, and just deal with it, as others have suggested. But after this I doubt we will ever communicate again, since I would say about 60% of my wedding stress has been over her constant need for attention. She wore white to my mother’s wedding, always needs money from someone, and as mentioned earlier, needs to start fights all the time. Not really someone I want to spend time with. But I do want my granddad to feel like he has family there, so we’ll live with each other for the day.